SS problems
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Wasn't really sure what to title this, but right from the get-go our children's social worker has been non-communicative to put it nicely. I'm not sure if there's an avenue I can go down to put in a complaint as I feel like they've really failed our family.
So I'll start off by saying my partner was arrested on suspicion of possessing IIOC after I reported him after finding some messages on Telegram of him asking to buy a bundle of 0-14 girls images. Within the messages there was a photo composite of the bundles he could buy. The police took his phone to investigate it further and nothing further was found. He was issued a caution and 2 years on the SOR as he was in possession of that one composite image. No SHPO, no conditions to the caution.
Now, right at the beginning he was on bail for around 8 weeks (although at the time we didn't know how long it would be and were led to believe it would be at least 3 months). His conditions included no contact with our children (boys aged 1 and 4 at the time). Almost immediately the detective made contact with SS and said they would be in touch to organise supervised visits. Before his bail conditions were dropped I made contact with the detective countless times to ask if he had heard from SS as I hadn't. Nothing for 8 weeks so our children had absolutely no contact with their dad for this time. I know in the grande scheme of things, 8 weeks without contact is nothing. But my eldest kept asking about his dad, and when he finally came home after the bail conditions were dropped our youngest didn't recognise him! We also have no idea how long this could have gone on for if the detective didn't drop his bail conditions, so we're grateful they were dropped early to have him reunite with the boys.
After he returned home, you bet within days SS were at our door to implement a safety plan! This was the first of many times I've been angry and upset about how they've treated our family. Our eldest still now questions where his dad is if he's gone somewhere because 8 weeks to a child is a long time, and there's only so many days they'll believe he's on 'holiday' and coming home 'soon'.
So fast forward a few months, SS visits our eldest at school (now 5). She asks him to draw where everyone in the house sleeps and he put daddy in bed with mummy with his little brother (who co-sleeps). Part of the safeguarding was for him to sleep on the sofa downstairs because our 1-year-old was in bed with me, of which we followed. We have a spare duvet which he would store in the cupboard under the stairs every morning so our sofa was actually a sofa and also so our eldest didn't question it. We wanted everything to be as normal as possible for the kids while the investigation continued (something our youngest's health visitor has commended us for!). We had an immediate meeting with SS to ask us why we weren't following the plan and why was he in bed with me and our baby! I reassured her we were and that our eldest is in bed by 7/8pm, we don't sleep until later, and my partner is up before everyone else at 4am so our eldest just assumed daddy slept in the bed like he'd always known from when he himself co-slept with us until he was 3.5 years old. Since then my partner has made a point of leaving the duvet out on the sofa and we call the bed 'mummy's bed' now. I know they're following protocol by asking these questions but it's almost like they expect the kids to know about these changes which in a lot of cases when it comes to sleeping arrangements, how would they know when most parents sleep later and wake earlier than their children?
My next qualm is with the referral that the social worker made to an independent social worker for my parental protection assessment. I've always been open and honest about my mental health struggles with SS and disclosed very early on that I have health anxiety. It mostly stays dormant until something triggers it that's health-related and even then I've received CBT and can get it under control very quickly before it escalates so it doesn't effect my day-to-day life. Anyway, the parental protection assessment went swimmingly. That was until right at the very end she asked me 'so I just want to be clear, as it was mentioned in the referral, do you have depression?'. Let me tell you I was absolutely livid that our social worker had completely made up that I had depression and written it in the referral as a main point to look at in the parental protection assessment!
So now that brings us to now. The case has been closed for almost 6 weeks now. The detective has said there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to live as normal now, but again we're waiting for SS to make their move. My partner completed his sexual harm risk assessment a week ago with the independent social worker (he's been assessed as low risk) and she said she has no worries with him being unsupervised with the kids etc... but our social worker has been ignoring my messages, so I feel like it's going to be the same as it was at the beginning and they're not going to be in any rush to make changes to the safeguarding or to perhaps remove the CIN plan. I can bet though that if he came back as medium/high risk they'd be straight at the door again!
We just want to know what happens from here. I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant now and there are a lot of things that would be easier while I'm in labour/in the few weeks post-birth if my partner could be unsupervised so I'm just really upset that they're taking their time to make changes/drop the CIN plan altogether. The midwives have mentioned that if for any reason I need to go to surgery post-birth, he won't be allowed to be alone with the baby, so I need to find another birth partner for this reason. I will also need to do the school run immediately after birth as he's currently not allowed to do the school run unsupervised. I also don't want another baby born under a CIN plan if I can help it, as I know soon after we'll have SS here adding him to the plan and then the health visitor etc.
I'm just quite upset that there's been a lack of communication and some miss-communication and I feel like they haven't been supportive at all. Is there any way I can put in a complaint? Or would it come to nothing?
So I'll start off by saying my partner was arrested on suspicion of possessing IIOC after I reported him after finding some messages on Telegram of him asking to buy a bundle of 0-14 girls images. Within the messages there was a photo composite of the bundles he could buy. The police took his phone to investigate it further and nothing further was found. He was issued a caution and 2 years on the SOR as he was in possession of that one composite image. No SHPO, no conditions to the caution.
Now, right at the beginning he was on bail for around 8 weeks (although at the time we didn't know how long it would be and were led to believe it would be at least 3 months). His conditions included no contact with our children (boys aged 1 and 4 at the time). Almost immediately the detective made contact with SS and said they would be in touch to organise supervised visits. Before his bail conditions were dropped I made contact with the detective countless times to ask if he had heard from SS as I hadn't. Nothing for 8 weeks so our children had absolutely no contact with their dad for this time. I know in the grande scheme of things, 8 weeks without contact is nothing. But my eldest kept asking about his dad, and when he finally came home after the bail conditions were dropped our youngest didn't recognise him! We also have no idea how long this could have gone on for if the detective didn't drop his bail conditions, so we're grateful they were dropped early to have him reunite with the boys.
After he returned home, you bet within days SS were at our door to implement a safety plan! This was the first of many times I've been angry and upset about how they've treated our family. Our eldest still now questions where his dad is if he's gone somewhere because 8 weeks to a child is a long time, and there's only so many days they'll believe he's on 'holiday' and coming home 'soon'.
So fast forward a few months, SS visits our eldest at school (now 5). She asks him to draw where everyone in the house sleeps and he put daddy in bed with mummy with his little brother (who co-sleeps). Part of the safeguarding was for him to sleep on the sofa downstairs because our 1-year-old was in bed with me, of which we followed. We have a spare duvet which he would store in the cupboard under the stairs every morning so our sofa was actually a sofa and also so our eldest didn't question it. We wanted everything to be as normal as possible for the kids while the investigation continued (something our youngest's health visitor has commended us for!). We had an immediate meeting with SS to ask us why we weren't following the plan and why was he in bed with me and our baby! I reassured her we were and that our eldest is in bed by 7/8pm, we don't sleep until later, and my partner is up before everyone else at 4am so our eldest just assumed daddy slept in the bed like he'd always known from when he himself co-slept with us until he was 3.5 years old. Since then my partner has made a point of leaving the duvet out on the sofa and we call the bed 'mummy's bed' now. I know they're following protocol by asking these questions but it's almost like they expect the kids to know about these changes which in a lot of cases when it comes to sleeping arrangements, how would they know when most parents sleep later and wake earlier than their children?
My next qualm is with the referral that the social worker made to an independent social worker for my parental protection assessment. I've always been open and honest about my mental health struggles with SS and disclosed very early on that I have health anxiety. It mostly stays dormant until something triggers it that's health-related and even then I've received CBT and can get it under control very quickly before it escalates so it doesn't effect my day-to-day life. Anyway, the parental protection assessment went swimmingly. That was until right at the very end she asked me 'so I just want to be clear, as it was mentioned in the referral, do you have depression?'. Let me tell you I was absolutely livid that our social worker had completely made up that I had depression and written it in the referral as a main point to look at in the parental protection assessment!
So now that brings us to now. The case has been closed for almost 6 weeks now. The detective has said there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to live as normal now, but again we're waiting for SS to make their move. My partner completed his sexual harm risk assessment a week ago with the independent social worker (he's been assessed as low risk) and she said she has no worries with him being unsupervised with the kids etc... but our social worker has been ignoring my messages, so I feel like it's going to be the same as it was at the beginning and they're not going to be in any rush to make changes to the safeguarding or to perhaps remove the CIN plan. I can bet though that if he came back as medium/high risk they'd be straight at the door again!
We just want to know what happens from here. I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant now and there are a lot of things that would be easier while I'm in labour/in the few weeks post-birth if my partner could be unsupervised so I'm just really upset that they're taking their time to make changes/drop the CIN plan altogether. The midwives have mentioned that if for any reason I need to go to surgery post-birth, he won't be allowed to be alone with the baby, so I need to find another birth partner for this reason. I will also need to do the school run immediately after birth as he's currently not allowed to do the school run unsupervised. I also don't want another baby born under a CIN plan if I can help it, as I know soon after we'll have SS here adding him to the plan and then the health visitor etc.
I'm just quite upset that there's been a lack of communication and some miss-communication and I feel like they haven't been supportive at all. Is there any way I can put in a complaint? Or would it come to nothing?
Lots of stuff going on here, I don't have much time this evening but the critical points really are:
Child in need is voluntary. The midwives have no power to say he can't be alone with baby. There are no legal restrictions
You can tell the SW that you are changing the safety plan based on the risk assessment and see what they say. The SW would struggle to escalate if husband is assessed as low risk, and child in need is a voluntary arrangement and agreement.
You can make a complaint, the process should be on the LA website
- re the birth, if you had no birth partner, and needed surgery, the midwives would need to look after the baby wouldn't they. There can therefore be a plan that if this emergency occurs the midwife can supervise your husband. Is surgery a likely outcome?
Child in need is voluntary. The midwives have no power to say he can't be alone with baby. There are no legal restrictions
You can tell the SW that you are changing the safety plan based on the risk assessment and see what they say. The SW would struggle to escalate if husband is assessed as low risk, and child in need is a voluntary arrangement and agreement.
You can make a complaint, the process should be on the LA website
- re the birth, if you had no birth partner, and needed surgery, the midwives would need to look after the baby wouldn't they. There can therefore be a plan that if this emergency occurs the midwife can supervise your husband. Is surgery a likely outcome?
Inthemoment thank you for this. I didn't realise CIN was voluntary and I'm also glad you said the midwives have no power to say he can't be alone with the baby. That makes me feel a little better and I'll fight our corner if I do end up needing surgery, which should be a minimal chance. I'm hopefully having a homebirth, but if I had a third degree tear or retained placenta I'd need to transfer in and go to theatre. Baby and partner could come with me to hospital, but I'd have to be in theatre alone. The midwives have said they aren't licensed to look after the baby, but you've made a very good point in saying that they could watch him with the baby!
I have tried to call the SW today with no luck and so I've sent her another message today to ask where we go from here. I've said that the independent SW said she doesn't have any issues with him being unsupervised, so it would be good if this was changed ASAP so he can at least do the school run while I'm healing from the birth. If I have no response, I'll message her and say we want to stop the CIN plan completely.
The independent SW said our SW has been aware of his risk level since the beginning of the week and has given her feedback, so it's just very frustrating that we've not heard anything from our SW.
I have tried to call the SW today with no luck and so I've sent her another message today to ask where we go from here. I've said that the independent SW said she doesn't have any issues with him being unsupervised, so it would be good if this was changed ASAP so he can at least do the school run while I'm healing from the birth. If I have no response, I'll message her and say we want to stop the CIN plan completely.
The independent SW said our SW has been aware of his risk level since the beginning of the week and has given her feedback, so it's just very frustrating that we've not heard anything from our SW.
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Reading quickly and will return to your post later but here is a link about how to complain about a social worker.....
https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/what/complaints/#what-the-law-says-about-complaints-and-who-can-complain
They have some templates about how to do things too....but I don't have time now to see if any fit your circumstances....might be worth a look.
https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/top-tips-and-templates/#template-letters-for-families
https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/what/complaints/#what-the-law-says-about-complaints-and-who-can-complain
They have some templates about how to do things too....but I don't have time now to see if any fit your circumstances....might be worth a look.
https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/top-tips-and-templates/#template-letters-for-families
Ok I have an update. SW finally messaged me back today. She's said she has no concerns with my partner doing the school run alone going forwards. Before anything else changes though she's said she needs to wait for the entire report about his risk assessment to be written up and filed, however. This has an estimated completion date of 2nd of May which is 4 days after my due date. She's said after which point they can 'potentially' step away.
I'm glad we have a little bit of movement now, but I'm a bit concerned that they'll try everything they can to keep their involvement. She originally said before that if he comes back low risk things can 'go back to normal', so she's hugely back tracking in saying they can potentially step away.
I feel hugely like I'm the one being watched. When the health visitor visits our youngest as part of the CIN plan, they're watching my parenting (as dad is at work). The midwives are closely in touch with SS and have apparently told the SW about my entire birth plan, which I feel is a little invasive. The whole ordeal has mostly impacted the kids and myself which isn't fair. I feel like it would get nowhere if I put in a complaint as they'll say they've done everything in order to protect the kids.
I'm glad we have a little bit of movement now, but I'm a bit concerned that they'll try everything they can to keep their involvement. She originally said before that if he comes back low risk things can 'go back to normal', so she's hugely back tracking in saying they can potentially step away.
I feel hugely like I'm the one being watched. When the health visitor visits our youngest as part of the CIN plan, they're watching my parenting (as dad is at work). The midwives are closely in touch with SS and have apparently told the SW about my entire birth plan, which I feel is a little invasive. The whole ordeal has mostly impacted the kids and myself which isn't fair. I feel like it would get nowhere if I put in a complaint as they'll say they've done everything in order to protect the kids.
My advice is to draw up your birth plan with your partner in it. Tell SS and the midwives that this is your plan and tell them they have no legal rights to prevent this being your plan. They must adhere to it because there is nothing, no SHPO, no risk assessment, no legal power to stop it happening
Hiya
Are the school aware of everything? Only saying as my oh isn't allowed on school grounds due to sor. It might go against restrictions so be really careful, I wouldn't let him without checking. My children have safety plans for home that I made and also a separate school one and it states this in the school one even tho my oh lives at home and allowed unsupervised and no ss involvement
Are the school aware of everything? Only saying as my oh isn't allowed on school grounds due to sor. It might go against restrictions so be really careful, I wouldn't let him without checking. My children have safety plans for home that I made and also a separate school one and it states this in the school one even tho my oh lives at home and allowed unsupervised and no ss involvement
scaredandconfused
Yes the school are aware. We have the CIN meetings at the school which he attends and he's been able to do the school run with me up until this point. The SW has said he can do them on his own going forward (although he hasn't yet, it'll only be in case of emergency/when I'm healing from birth), so I'm guessing she has made the school aware about the outcome of the investigation and his risk assessment and has spoken with them. I'm guessing the next CIN meeting we have, the headteacher can say otherwise, but we currently don't have one planned and I'm due any day now. It is a CE school though so I wouldn't be surprised if they were against it!
Yes the school are aware. We have the CIN meetings at the school which he attends and he's been able to do the school run with me up until this point. The SW has said he can do them on his own going forward (although he hasn't yet, it'll only be in case of emergency/when I'm healing from birth), so I'm guessing she has made the school aware about the outcome of the investigation and his risk assessment and has spoken with them. I'm guessing the next CIN meeting we have, the headteacher can say otherwise, but we currently don't have one planned and I'm due any day now. It is a CE school though so I wouldn't be surprised if they were against it!
We had the problem of our sw saying he could do drop off/pick up and the school saying no. Luckily he works so doesn't look odd to anyone but still a pain he can't even be put as a emergency number incase they can't get hold of me.
Just an update, social worker is still unreachable. Almost 2 months since case closed (where detective said we should be able to live normal lives now) and my partner completed his sexual harm risk assessment with an independent social worker a couple of weeks ago. In the meantime our social worker was notfied of his risk level being low with some feedback, but had said she needed to wait for the full report before making next steps and them 'potentially' stepping away. The full report was completed last Friday (26th April) and I'm yet to hear from the SW. I understand she has many other cases, but I've messaged and called her several times, and I've had no reply, no answer to my calls, no acknowledgement of my messages. Nothing. One of the messages I've sent is asking if my eldest's school is aware that my partner can do the school run alone now (because if they aren't then they won't let him leave the school gates with him and the parents will all wonder why).
I ended up calling the office yesterday to ask if she was in this week and they said she had been in and out of the office but was (at the time of my call) at a home visit so would be unreachable. She asked to take a message, so I told her to just say I've called and want to know if she's had time to read the report yet. She said she'll get her to give me a call. I did make a point of saying I had tried to contact her every day this week (without pestering!) and she said 'oh well yeah actually she hasn't been in the office at all this week so that'll be why she's not answering'... so she had gone from saying she had been in and out of the office to not at all this week. I also have her mobile number and have been texting her my queries, so there's not really any excuse as to why she hasn't at least acknowledged that I've tried to contact her.
As it stands the full safeguarding is in place until they say otherwise and it's just frustrating to read in the report that he can be unsupervised now, but until that's actioned we can't change that ourselves!
I'll be severely upset if after our baby is born (4 days overdue now!), they change the plan then because as it stands it'll heavily effect my birth plan.
I'm at my absolute wits end with this situation now and at this rate it seems like it's going to take longer for them to actually respond to me than the case itself took to solve and close!
I ended up calling the office yesterday to ask if she was in this week and they said she had been in and out of the office but was (at the time of my call) at a home visit so would be unreachable. She asked to take a message, so I told her to just say I've called and want to know if she's had time to read the report yet. She said she'll get her to give me a call. I did make a point of saying I had tried to contact her every day this week (without pestering!) and she said 'oh well yeah actually she hasn't been in the office at all this week so that'll be why she's not answering'... so she had gone from saying she had been in and out of the office to not at all this week. I also have her mobile number and have been texting her my queries, so there's not really any excuse as to why she hasn't at least acknowledged that I've tried to contact her.
As it stands the full safeguarding is in place until they say otherwise and it's just frustrating to read in the report that he can be unsupervised now, but until that's actioned we can't change that ourselves!
I'll be severely upset if after our baby is born (4 days overdue now!), they change the plan then because as it stands it'll heavily effect my birth plan.
I'm at my absolute wits end with this situation now and at this rate it seems like it's going to take longer for them to actually respond to me than the case itself took to solve and close!
My blood is boiling for you. How dare professionals treat someone who is extremely vulnerable at the moment so thoughtlessly and dismissively.
I don't care how 'busy' the SW is, it is easy to acknowledge someone's existence even if there's no time to reply at length. Don't they realise that when people feel ignored and invisible it makes things a whole lot worse in the long run, let alone the impact on people's health from all the stress. And as for changing the excuse within the same conversation, shame on the office person.
No help at all sorry but wanted you to know that WE are listening and understand how frustrated you are feeling. Sending my good wishes for the arrival of your baby (mine were all late arriving so I empathise totally) Big hug X
I don't care how 'busy' the SW is, it is easy to acknowledge someone's existence even if there's no time to reply at length. Don't they realise that when people feel ignored and invisible it makes things a whole lot worse in the long run, let alone the impact on people's health from all the stress. And as for changing the excuse within the same conversation, shame on the office person.
No help at all sorry but wanted you to know that WE are listening and understand how frustrated you are feeling. Sending my good wishes for the arrival of your baby (mine were all late arriving so I empathise totally) Big hug X