Unsure and Worried
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Hi all,
I am new to this and I'm not sure where to go or what to do. I met my partner in July. He disclosed within 48 hours he had been convicted of an offence to which he was messaging a minor under 16. There were pictures exchanged between them both and a video sent from him. He serves 6 months and is on license. He is on the register for 10 years and also has a SHPO for the same time.
he has been nothing but honest. I have spoken with his P0 I also attend his weekly visits with them. I have spoken to everyone I needed to including the police. I have done a Claire's law as well which he is aware of. We now have social services involved. They are currently completing a risk assessment. As it is so early I had no plans for him to meet my children (17&3) anytime soon yet anyway. SA have said he is to have no contact until after the assessment which is more than fine. We have started a family safety plan to incude how we would even begin introductions when the time is right and sent this to the social worker. The SS have been pretty awful from the beginning. In the intial call I was told the assessment was being done to as I was unable to safeguard my children. This was later corrected by the allocated SW. we have been left in the dark not really knowing what's going on. The SW will message me and ask me to pass messages to my partner or text me to ask them to confirm they give consent. It's left a bad taste with both of us and also the limbo of not knowing. I'm terrified my children may be put on a CPP as I've read nothing but horror stories. I don't want to give up on the relationship as i see something in him and us. I'm not naive and know I will have many hoops to jump through. I also come from a safeguarding background through my former job.
I don't have any clue as to what to expect or what I may need to do as they have been less than informative. Sorry for the essay! Just the first time I've been able to talk openly. I have no immediate family and my friends are supportive of us but I don't want to burden anyone. Just feeling confused worried and alone.
I am new to this and I'm not sure where to go or what to do. I met my partner in July. He disclosed within 48 hours he had been convicted of an offence to which he was messaging a minor under 16. There were pictures exchanged between them both and a video sent from him. He serves 6 months and is on license. He is on the register for 10 years and also has a SHPO for the same time.
he has been nothing but honest. I have spoken with his P0 I also attend his weekly visits with them. I have spoken to everyone I needed to including the police. I have done a Claire's law as well which he is aware of. We now have social services involved. They are currently completing a risk assessment. As it is so early I had no plans for him to meet my children (17&3) anytime soon yet anyway. SA have said he is to have no contact until after the assessment which is more than fine. We have started a family safety plan to incude how we would even begin introductions when the time is right and sent this to the social worker. The SS have been pretty awful from the beginning. In the intial call I was told the assessment was being done to as I was unable to safeguard my children. This was later corrected by the allocated SW. we have been left in the dark not really knowing what's going on. The SW will message me and ask me to pass messages to my partner or text me to ask them to confirm they give consent. It's left a bad taste with both of us and also the limbo of not knowing. I'm terrified my children may be put on a CPP as I've read nothing but horror stories. I don't want to give up on the relationship as i see something in him and us. I'm not naive and know I will have many hoops to jump through. I also come from a safeguarding background through my former job.
I don't have any clue as to what to expect or what I may need to do as they have been less than informative. Sorry for the essay! Just the first time I've been able to talk openly. I have no immediate family and my friends are supportive of us but I don't want to burden anyone. Just feeling confused worried and alone.
I'm saying this with no judgement but this is an incredibly hard journey and I wouldn't enter into this world voluntarily. Think about the restrictions that will be on your life and your children's if you choose to stay, holidays, children's friends not being able to come over and the stigma attached to this crime and how others would possibly judge your children. I would walk away now.
Dear Unsureandworried86,
We just wanted to share a gentle alternative view, with full respect for how difficult this situation is. Tryingtobebrave is absolutely right — this journey is incredibly hard, and the concerns around stigma, restrictions, and the impact on children are very real. However, it sounds like you’re prepared to face these challenges and are keen to pursue this relationship, and we know from experience that many couples do choose to stay together, despite the difficulties. You may find it helpful to call the Stop It Now helpline to speak with one of our trained advisors for some advice and support. There is also an excellent organisation called the Family Rights Group (frg.org.uk) . They support families involved with children’s services and have a great website full of advice and resources that might be helpful to you and your situation.
Whatever path you choose, please know you’re not alone —there is support out there.
Best wishes,
The Forum Team
We just wanted to share a gentle alternative view, with full respect for how difficult this situation is. Tryingtobebrave is absolutely right — this journey is incredibly hard, and the concerns around stigma, restrictions, and the impact on children are very real. However, it sounds like you’re prepared to face these challenges and are keen to pursue this relationship, and we know from experience that many couples do choose to stay together, despite the difficulties. You may find it helpful to call the Stop It Now helpline to speak with one of our trained advisors for some advice and support. There is also an excellent organisation called the Family Rights Group (frg.org.uk) . They support families involved with children’s services and have a great website full of advice and resources that might be helpful to you and your situation.
Whatever path you choose, please know you’re not alone —there is support out there.
Best wishes,
The Forum Team