Help for the Autism parents.
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Hi,
I don't come on here alot anymore as we are a few years past sentance and life, our new normal is going by. however, when I do I see a growing number of either diagnoised autistic or autisic traits being mentioned and this must be growing as the LFF adverised for a specalist in this area a few weeks ago. Last year my son and I helped with an artical for the Telegraph, my son was just over 18 when arrested, but entered the world at 17, where people took advantage of his nauture and nieveity. My son wrote the answers to his questions, I was interveiwed and I just found the answers again, re reading it I have realsied how much he wants to help, but its a story we keep very much to ourselves for obvious reasons. Now when I hear anything about the online bill on tv and social media, I feel I have so much to say and have tried so many times to get meetings with MP's etc, but without telling your story on email, they won't see you and i just don't trust that.
Although if you find yourself here, it's because you have found yourself in this mess of a life, I thought sharing it may help some of you out.
Interview Questions
What happened to take me to this material?
The timeframe in which this all happened and how I found myself in this situation is all very sudden
and quick compared to the length of my lifetime. It began in around Easter period and I
was in my final year of Sixth Form (17 years old), My friend group was rather small but very strongly
bonded and my social anxiety and depression (which I didn’t realise I was suffering from until well
after my arrest in Nov ) led to strong fear and anxiety over the integrity of my friendships once
Sixth Form ended and my friends would move on to University, I was staying at home to attend
University but many of my friends planned to move to Universities all over the country. My
experience of how I lost many contacts from Secondary School just two years prior simply by not
keeping in touch with them made me very doubtful over whether I could keep these friendships
going after Sixth Form. This is where I made a fateful decision to enter the online social space to try
and create friendships using multiple platforms such as twitter, discord and kik. Initially, there was
no intent of any sexual engagement from these friendships but a combination of natural sexual
interest, fear of falling behind my friends in experience and the strong effects of anonymity makes it
a very easy place to engage in these matters. Looking back on my actions, I realised that while I was
very honest about how I presented myself, some people I spoke to where dishonest and would
present themselves in a way that would make the inexperienced me quite easy to manipulate. These
were the people who led me into the spaces of the internet which housed much illegal content. One
of the main things I learnt while in this space is just how easy it is to access this content even if you
don’t know where to start, apps such as Kik and Telegram are the worst offenders in my experience
with many chat rooms that house illegal content and are easily accessible just by searching key
words. This is something I am very passionate about getting changed and calling out these
companies for poor filtering and administration is crucial to changing this and stopping future people
like me from falling into the same pit of offending, some people may not be as fortunate as me in
their sentencing either. I believe its crucial to know that not all offenders are as malicious as the
stereotypes point out, some are simply young people being exploited for their naivety and dragged
into a pit they cant escape from until it is way too late.
How has the whole process affected you?
The process lasted a year following my arrest, roughly 7 months of investigations and an interview
followed by 5 months of waiting for the Crown Prosecution Service and a Magistrates and Crown
Court appearance. The entire process was nerve racking at times, and I was regularly hit by worry
over things being found that even I did not know existed on my phone. However, I believe a lot more
good came from the process simply because the fear and worry was simply short term, by the time
the investigation and court appearances were over, the worries started to disappear. However, the things I
learnt about myself and how ive developed myself will stick with me throughout my life and putting
that into perspective, 1 year of doubtful feelings is easily squashed by 60/70 years of benefits from
the counselling I received in this period. My social confidence has grown exponentially and Im able
to handle casual conversations with strangers rather easily along with developing leadership skills
(something shown by leading my University group in a group project in April last year). On top of
this, my experience with relationships have become much more profound after a series of
committed relationships that further ground my understanding in social bonds and connections.
Even now im taking part in voluntary awareness courses (LFF) about my actions which has allowed me to
develop my strong feelings around this topic and makes me want to help and stop others from
falling into the same situation I ended up in.
What do you feel now and what do you wish you had known when you were spending so much
time online?
My feelings on this matter are addressed in the above question. I am at peace with my sentence and
believe it is proportionate to the crimes I committed, I am engaging in all my courses and
probationary requirements as expected of me and I have no interest in causing any trouble for
myself. As for what I wish I knew, I wish I knew the reality of where this content is accessed and how
easy it is to come across. Many people seem to believe this content is only found deep in the dark
web of the internet when it can actually be found in the most shallow parts of the internet with no
effort required at all to access. It is a very scary to realise and that alone would have been enough to
deter me, unfortunately I was in too deep and it was too late for me. Its not about how much you
use the internet, its about how you use it and this isn’t an issue that can be fixed by ‘regulating
internet time’ or telling people not to talk to strangers on the internet, this is outdated information
and as we move deeper into the social media age, many people are forming deep friendships and
even relationships online, dating apps being the most prominent one to come to mind. Telling
people to ‘avoid’ certain content doesn’t fix the problem, because the problem still exists. The
content is what needs to be targeted and its in the power of the companies who run these apps to
take action, a good example of this is X (formerly Twitter). Since Elon Musk’s acquisition, he has
taken strong action on the areas of twitter where this form of content brewed which is promising
signs, as someone who began their descent on Twitter, its promising to see that no one will follow in
the same footsteps as me. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t begin their own descent on other
apps.
I appreciate giving me an opportunity to share my story very much.
I don't come on here alot anymore as we are a few years past sentance and life, our new normal is going by. however, when I do I see a growing number of either diagnoised autistic or autisic traits being mentioned and this must be growing as the LFF adverised for a specalist in this area a few weeks ago. Last year my son and I helped with an artical for the Telegraph, my son was just over 18 when arrested, but entered the world at 17, where people took advantage of his nauture and nieveity. My son wrote the answers to his questions, I was interveiwed and I just found the answers again, re reading it I have realsied how much he wants to help, but its a story we keep very much to ourselves for obvious reasons. Now when I hear anything about the online bill on tv and social media, I feel I have so much to say and have tried so many times to get meetings with MP's etc, but without telling your story on email, they won't see you and i just don't trust that.
Although if you find yourself here, it's because you have found yourself in this mess of a life, I thought sharing it may help some of you out.
Interview Questions
What happened to take me to this material?
The timeframe in which this all happened and how I found myself in this situation is all very sudden
and quick compared to the length of my lifetime. It began in around Easter period and I
was in my final year of Sixth Form (17 years old), My friend group was rather small but very strongly
bonded and my social anxiety and depression (which I didn’t realise I was suffering from until well
after my arrest in Nov ) led to strong fear and anxiety over the integrity of my friendships once
Sixth Form ended and my friends would move on to University, I was staying at home to attend
University but many of my friends planned to move to Universities all over the country. My
experience of how I lost many contacts from Secondary School just two years prior simply by not
keeping in touch with them made me very doubtful over whether I could keep these friendships
going after Sixth Form. This is where I made a fateful decision to enter the online social space to try
and create friendships using multiple platforms such as twitter, discord and kik. Initially, there was
no intent of any sexual engagement from these friendships but a combination of natural sexual
interest, fear of falling behind my friends in experience and the strong effects of anonymity makes it
a very easy place to engage in these matters. Looking back on my actions, I realised that while I was
very honest about how I presented myself, some people I spoke to where dishonest and would
present themselves in a way that would make the inexperienced me quite easy to manipulate. These
were the people who led me into the spaces of the internet which housed much illegal content. One
of the main things I learnt while in this space is just how easy it is to access this content even if you
don’t know where to start, apps such as Kik and Telegram are the worst offenders in my experience
with many chat rooms that house illegal content and are easily accessible just by searching key
words. This is something I am very passionate about getting changed and calling out these
companies for poor filtering and administration is crucial to changing this and stopping future people
like me from falling into the same pit of offending, some people may not be as fortunate as me in
their sentencing either. I believe its crucial to know that not all offenders are as malicious as the
stereotypes point out, some are simply young people being exploited for their naivety and dragged
into a pit they cant escape from until it is way too late.
How has the whole process affected you?
The process lasted a year following my arrest, roughly 7 months of investigations and an interview
followed by 5 months of waiting for the Crown Prosecution Service and a Magistrates and Crown
Court appearance. The entire process was nerve racking at times, and I was regularly hit by worry
over things being found that even I did not know existed on my phone. However, I believe a lot more
good came from the process simply because the fear and worry was simply short term, by the time
the investigation and court appearances were over, the worries started to disappear. However, the things I
learnt about myself and how ive developed myself will stick with me throughout my life and putting
that into perspective, 1 year of doubtful feelings is easily squashed by 60/70 years of benefits from
the counselling I received in this period. My social confidence has grown exponentially and Im able
to handle casual conversations with strangers rather easily along with developing leadership skills
(something shown by leading my University group in a group project in April last year). On top of
this, my experience with relationships have become much more profound after a series of
committed relationships that further ground my understanding in social bonds and connections.
Even now im taking part in voluntary awareness courses (LFF) about my actions which has allowed me to
develop my strong feelings around this topic and makes me want to help and stop others from
falling into the same situation I ended up in.
What do you feel now and what do you wish you had known when you were spending so much
time online?
My feelings on this matter are addressed in the above question. I am at peace with my sentence and
believe it is proportionate to the crimes I committed, I am engaging in all my courses and
probationary requirements as expected of me and I have no interest in causing any trouble for
myself. As for what I wish I knew, I wish I knew the reality of where this content is accessed and how
easy it is to come across. Many people seem to believe this content is only found deep in the dark
web of the internet when it can actually be found in the most shallow parts of the internet with no
effort required at all to access. It is a very scary to realise and that alone would have been enough to
deter me, unfortunately I was in too deep and it was too late for me. Its not about how much you
use the internet, its about how you use it and this isn’t an issue that can be fixed by ‘regulating
internet time’ or telling people not to talk to strangers on the internet, this is outdated information
and as we move deeper into the social media age, many people are forming deep friendships and
even relationships online, dating apps being the most prominent one to come to mind. Telling
people to ‘avoid’ certain content doesn’t fix the problem, because the problem still exists. The
content is what needs to be targeted and its in the power of the companies who run these apps to
take action, a good example of this is X (formerly Twitter). Since Elon Musk’s acquisition, he has
taken strong action on the areas of twitter where this form of content brewed which is promising
signs, as someone who began their descent on Twitter, its promising to see that no one will follow in
the same footsteps as me. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t begin their own descent on other
apps.
I appreciate giving me an opportunity to share my story very much.
Thank you for sharing your son's experience. It is reassuring to read that he has managed to find positives from what must have been a traumatic experience for you all.
Raising awareness with young people (and their parents) of how easy it is to access inappropriate content on commonly used apps- and the potential consequences - is crucial to help prevent so many more young people going through the same.
Raising awareness with young people (and their parents) of how easy it is to access inappropriate content on commonly used apps- and the potential consequences - is crucial to help prevent so many more young people going through the same.