Telling my children
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My ex husband was arrested 4yrs ago now for sexually grooming a 13yr old and sending photos and asking for photos to be sent - he is on the SOR for 7yrs from 2021 - he has dragged me through court to see the children the last three years even though he is low-medium risk to my daughter and low risk to son. He has been using a contact centre with supervision for the last two years but come next year he goes unsupervised with no one to protect the children. There has been concerns with his behaviour towards my daughter also. Social Services cannot help and I feel like ive been banging my head against a brick wall the last few years trying to protect my children from him.
I want to tell my children so they can safeguard themselves and be aware of what is normal behaviour and what is not, but I have no idea on how much to tell them. Has anyone had to tell their children and any advise on how you done this? They are 11 and 12 so still too young to fully understand their dad is a peadofile but also of an age that they should understand certain things.
Thank you.
I want to tell my children so they can safeguard themselves and be aware of what is normal behaviour and what is not, but I have no idea on how much to tell them. Has anyone had to tell their children and any advise on how you done this? They are 11 and 12 so still too young to fully understand their dad is a peadofile but also of an age that they should understand certain things.
Thank you.
Hi,
who has raised the concerns about his behaviour towards your daughter? I can't fully see the logic in them approving unsupervised contact just as your children reach the age of the victim without the need for an assessment closer to the time. Is the contact, particularly the unsupervised contact court ordered? Is it documented within the order the frequency and length of time of the contact? Are there any conditions with it, for example would it have to be in a public place at least initially? There are a list of reading materials that I got from the breaking the cycle course. Have a look through them. I'll add them to this thread, you can order them through your local library or in some cases there are videos on YouTube of people reading them. Just make sure that you read or listen to them first to gauge if they're appropriate for your children and pre empt any questions.
Have you seen any of the full reports from the risk assessments highlighting his risk to your own children? Is he classed as low to medium for your daughter purely based on the fact she is the same gender as the victim? xxx
who has raised the concerns about his behaviour towards your daughter? I can't fully see the logic in them approving unsupervised contact just as your children reach the age of the victim without the need for an assessment closer to the time. Is the contact, particularly the unsupervised contact court ordered? Is it documented within the order the frequency and length of time of the contact? Are there any conditions with it, for example would it have to be in a public place at least initially? There are a list of reading materials that I got from the breaking the cycle course. Have a look through them. I'll add them to this thread, you can order them through your local library or in some cases there are videos on YouTube of people reading them. Just make sure that you read or listen to them first to gauge if they're appropriate for your children and pre empt any questions.
Have you seen any of the full reports from the risk assessments highlighting his risk to your own children? Is he classed as low to medium for your daughter purely based on the fact she is the same gender as the victim? xxx
NSPCC have a guide to talking about difficult topics.
Here is the list of books, make sure the parents read them before they try to start the conversation as they may not be appropriate in this situation.
1. An Exceptional Children’s Guide to Touch – Hunter Manasco (no age specified, but for young children, especially those with special needs)
2.Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept – Jayneen Sanders (3+)
3.It’s My Body – Lory Freeman (3–6 years)
4.Your Body Belongs to You – Cornelia Spelman (3–6 years)
5.My Body Belongs to Me – Jill Starishevsky (3–10 years)
6.Tell Somebody it Happened to Me – Nancy Flowers (4–10 years)
7.Come and Tell Me (Be sensible—and safe) – Helen Hollick (5–10 years)
8.Feeling Happy Feeling Safe (A safety guide for young children) – Michelle Elliott(6–11 years)
9. A Very Touching Book (for little people and for big people) – Jan Hindman (8–12 years)
10. Let’s Talk About Sex (Growing up, changing bodies, sex and sexual health) – Robie H. Harris (Pre-teens and teenagers)
Here is the list of books, make sure the parents read them before they try to start the conversation as they may not be appropriate in this situation.
1. An Exceptional Children’s Guide to Touch – Hunter Manasco (no age specified, but for young children, especially those with special needs)
2.Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept – Jayneen Sanders (3+)
3.It’s My Body – Lory Freeman (3–6 years)
4.Your Body Belongs to You – Cornelia Spelman (3–6 years)
5.My Body Belongs to Me – Jill Starishevsky (3–10 years)
6.Tell Somebody it Happened to Me – Nancy Flowers (4–10 years)
7.Come and Tell Me (Be sensible—and safe) – Helen Hollick (5–10 years)
8.Feeling Happy Feeling Safe (A safety guide for young children) – Michelle Elliott(6–11 years)
9. A Very Touching Book (for little people and for big people) – Jan Hindman (8–12 years)
10. Let’s Talk About Sex (Growing up, changing bodies, sex and sexual health) – Robie H. Harris (Pre-teens and teenagers)