2nd time around
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I joined this forum because my adult son is in prison for CP.
This is his second offense and I'm really struggling trying to understand why he is caught up in this behavior.
The first time I thought it was an addiction that he fell into by accident. But now I don't know what to think.
I'm having a hard time reconciling my love for my son and knowing what he has been doing.
Outside of this, he has never been in trouble and is a kind, thoughtful and loving person.
I feel lost. I don't even know what I am feeling right now.
This is his second offense and I'm really struggling trying to understand why he is caught up in this behavior.
The first time I thought it was an addiction that he fell into by accident. But now I don't know what to think.
I'm having a hard time reconciling my love for my son and knowing what he has been doing.
Outside of this, he has never been in trouble and is a kind, thoughtful and loving person.
I feel lost. I don't even know what I am feeling right now.
Lovespring, how utterly awful for you to face this again. Perhaps we will never understand why . Once is hard enough but twice is just so testing of any relationship. I don't know anything to say which will help except , try not to feel too alone because there must be many others in the same boat xx
Lovespring, I'm sorry and I join you in feeling lost and numb. Be kind to yourself. It is not a failing to need to step back and protect yourself from further hurt and it doesn't have to be forever.
Is it possible that as you thought, it is an addiction? Has he had any help with that after the first time, as addictive behaviour can be so hard to beat without admitting you need help? Many families of addicts find that the journey into sobriety is long and hard with many relapses. Porn is becoming more recognised as addictive behaviour and (like 'soft' drugs lead to 'hard' drugs with some people) that pattern can be exactly the same with other types of addiction, including legal porn leading to online offences. Not an excuse but could be a reason for his reoffending, please don't be hard on yourself. Try speaking to someone at LFF via the helpline as they are great at explaing things like this non judgmentally. That kind, thoughtful and loving person may well still be there. Many of us have come to realise that after feeling exactly as you do once. Happy to chat privately if that would help you through this devastating time but hug sent.
My ex is in prison for the second time for child abuse images. He's not addicted. He's a P, has been since puberty but of course he couldn't tell anyone therefore couldn't get any help. I'm so angry about how society has let him down, and then me, our children, and the children that were abused in the images. All the while these men have nowhere to turn, it'll continue.