I thought he was my saviour
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On the 12th of October I woke up thinking my life was perfect, perfect job, perfect home and most importantly to me, my perfect family. By the end of the 12th of October my life as I knew it would never be the same. I thought my husband was a loving devoted husband and father but he had a secret life which has ruined everything we have built for 12 years. I’m left to pick up the pieces from his selfishness, he had everything he ever could have wanted and lost it all. He was arrested and let out that night.
He was found to be talking to a 14 year old girl through Snapchat, he knew her age from the start. He’s confessed to me that he has spoken to anyone who would talk to him through Snapchat, not just minors. He also slept with a co-worker twice before we married. He said it could be easily 100’s of women he has spoken to over the 12 years we’ve been together, sometimes sexually and sometimes just talking. He still thinks we can have some sort of future, I battle with low self esteem and body image and my heart still wants him. He’s not trying to push me to stay with him but I know every time I see him I just want my husband back. We have two young boys who absolutely adore him and I just don’t know what to do. They want to see him but I would have to be there to watch the boys, he’s not a risk to them but I don’t trust him and it would always be like that and my husband has agreed. I moved away the day after it all happened and my boys are so confused. I went into panic mode and had to run away to protect my children.
I feel ashamed that I still want some kind of life with him and I’m beating myself up over it. How can I switch off my feelings, how can I see him without wanting him so badly, I know time is a healer but if I still need to see him how can I stop my heart from crying out for him.
I myself was abused as a teenager and had really bad relationships with most men, I thought he was my saviour, I thought I was one of the lucky women having found a perfect husband who helped me through my trauma. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to even trust my friends let alone anyone else who comes into my life.
He was found to be talking to a 14 year old girl through Snapchat, he knew her age from the start. He’s confessed to me that he has spoken to anyone who would talk to him through Snapchat, not just minors. He also slept with a co-worker twice before we married. He said it could be easily 100’s of women he has spoken to over the 12 years we’ve been together, sometimes sexually and sometimes just talking. He still thinks we can have some sort of future, I battle with low self esteem and body image and my heart still wants him. He’s not trying to push me to stay with him but I know every time I see him I just want my husband back. We have two young boys who absolutely adore him and I just don’t know what to do. They want to see him but I would have to be there to watch the boys, he’s not a risk to them but I don’t trust him and it would always be like that and my husband has agreed. I moved away the day after it all happened and my boys are so confused. I went into panic mode and had to run away to protect my children.
I feel ashamed that I still want some kind of life with him and I’m beating myself up over it. How can I switch off my feelings, how can I see him without wanting him so badly, I know time is a healer but if I still need to see him how can I stop my heart from crying out for him.
I myself was abused as a teenager and had really bad relationships with most men, I thought he was my saviour, I thought I was one of the lucky women having found a perfect husband who helped me through my trauma. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to even trust my friends let alone anyone else who comes into my life.
Hi you have a lot of similarities to my situation. My OH was communicating with what he thought was a 14 yr old girl- it was a decoy. This was in the middle of July this year when we got "the knock". we have 2 boys who can now only see their dad supervised by me - one of his bail conditions. It's hard it's really hard seeing him at least once a week when my heart still Loves him. This week has been a big one as it was our youngest son's birthday and the small things like writing his birthday card from just me brought many tears. Some days are harder than others. I have to remind myself that he is dangerous not to anyone but himself he knew how old the "person" was but it didn't stop him. It feels like I'm still reliving it everyday and it doesn't show on him that he has completely destroyed our family. I'd like to say it does get better but at the minute I can't say it does really every week brings a new challenge.
Therapy will help you. Its good to have someone you can regularly unload of and work through your feelings and your thoughts.
Right now you're split and thats understandable you've had someone support you and help you feel safe and that safe person now isn't safe anymore and thats terrifying. You hold onto all the past knowns about them because thats where you feel safe and happy. Its okay to love and hate someone because youre morning your now lost life and thats complicated to do.
Sending you so much love and hugs.
Right now you're split and thats understandable you've had someone support you and help you feel safe and that safe person now isn't safe anymore and thats terrifying. You hold onto all the past knowns about them because thats where you feel safe and happy. Its okay to love and hate someone because youre morning your now lost life and thats complicated to do.
Sending you so much love and hugs.
Time is a healer. And you'll find you can live separately, that life goes on without him and that actually its...ok. And then better than ok? I'm 2+ years on and I look back on little milestones, stuff like my first holiday just me and the boys. You'll grieve the person you thought he was, but gradually you'll accept he wasn't that person. Thats my experience. I left, partly because the trust was gone, as you say, partly because I felt it was better for my children. But the betrayal is awful- my exoerience was similar to yours - to the point I've pretty much accepted I'll be single forever because how can you trust????