I can't do this
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Back when we first received the knock I was adamant that I was going to stand by my man. I was adamant that he would have done nothing wrong and that he would eventually be told as such.
As time has dragged on though I have found myself becoming more and more distant from him. I often can't bear to be around him and find myself doubting him. The police have been more than useless in all of this. We were due to get married in September, which we have postponed. We were talking about having children which is also obviously on the back burner. I feel like I'm living a life where I am just utterly miserable all the time and now I'm not sure we can come back from it all. I just feel like running away.
As time has dragged on though I have found myself becoming more and more distant from him. I often can't bear to be around him and find myself doubting him. The police have been more than useless in all of this. We were due to get married in September, which we have postponed. We were talking about having children which is also obviously on the back burner. I feel like I'm living a life where I am just utterly miserable all the time and now I'm not sure we can come back from it all. I just feel like running away.
Hi Hilltop, sorry your in this situation too and feeling so low. Has your partner been open with you and explained how they got onto this dark path? Have either of you been to counselling? It goes to show in this large world your situation is never the only only experience to happen. We got the knock during our engagement aswell, i then had to make the decision to as to what I should do regarding the wedding. The police had actually said it would all be done and dusted by the time of my wedding but that never happened and is still on going currently. We decided to go through with our wedding following conversations between ourselves and going to counselling. If I knew however the process was going to take this long I probably would have postponed it. The one good thing is I know we entered our marriage with total honesty. I completely hear you, I go through phases of anger where I think why me, why does my life need to be kept on hold, why won't the police do more... then I think actually why not me, I wouldn't wish this experience or anyone.
everyone is different, with their own reasons as to how they find themselves in this situation. Fortunately for my husband, with a great deal of time, research and conversations with counsellors who specialise in porn addiction I was able to try and understand. I will never condone what has happened, and I go through regular emotions of still feeling hurt and betrayed but I know it has nothing to do with me. My husband had a traumatic childhood, never shown clear guidance and unfortunately learnt to manage negative emotions in a unhealthy manner by going to porn, this started when he was a young teenager.
keep your chin up and take each day as it comes. You don't need to make any massive decisions yet, but keep talking to your partner. Communication is key otherwise you will drift a part. I think an experience like this will either break a relationship or make it. There is no wrong decision only you know what's right for you. Take care x
everyone is different, with their own reasons as to how they find themselves in this situation. Fortunately for my husband, with a great deal of time, research and conversations with counsellors who specialise in porn addiction I was able to try and understand. I will never condone what has happened, and I go through regular emotions of still feeling hurt and betrayed but I know it has nothing to do with me. My husband had a traumatic childhood, never shown clear guidance and unfortunately learnt to manage negative emotions in a unhealthy manner by going to porn, this started when he was a young teenager.
keep your chin up and take each day as it comes. You don't need to make any massive decisions yet, but keep talking to your partner. Communication is key otherwise you will drift a part. I think an experience like this will either break a relationship or make it. There is no wrong decision only you know what's right for you. Take care x
So sorry to hear you're in this sticky situation, Hilltop. As confused.com says, communication is key. You don't say whether you STILL believe your fiance to be innocent of whatever he's been accused of? What has he said to you? Whatever you decide, I wish you both the best and i hope it all gets resolved soon for you.
Thinking of you Hilltop, a month or so ago I was ready to walk out and leave, sometimes this whole thing gets too much I totally understand that. Maybe just take some time and get some breathing space and just tell him how you feel about it all. In fairness to my partner he has kept me going and been understanding condisering it's him all this mess revolves around. I'm so sorry it's taking soo long we are still waiting too.
keep strong and remember none of this is your fault x
keep strong and remember none of this is your fault x
Hi Hilltop478
I know exactly what you are going through. We are an unbelievable 2 and a half years after the knock and only just going to court. I stood by my husband. But even now I have doubts. He tried to explain how he got into this and it was partly fuelled by depression and anxiety. Porn addiction is an addiction like any other, just one that nobody wants to talk about. Do you think he is truly sorry? Or is he in denial about it? I think if you want to stay with him you have to talk to him. Try to remember why you were with him and planning to marry? That man is still there.
I know exactly what you are going through. We are an unbelievable 2 and a half years after the knock and only just going to court. I stood by my husband. But even now I have doubts. He tried to explain how he got into this and it was partly fuelled by depression and anxiety. Porn addiction is an addiction like any other, just one that nobody wants to talk about. Do you think he is truly sorry? Or is he in denial about it? I think if you want to stay with him you have to talk to him. Try to remember why you were with him and planning to marry? That man is still there.
I too have found myself in this situation court is on Tuesday this week and 2 days ago I have told him we are over as I like you and many others can not do this I have stood by him for last 9 months getting dribs and drabs of the truth well he had his report back 3/4 weeks ago can't remember and he seemed fine with what he's been charged with and show little or no remorse so he has to leave as soon as he finds himself somewhere else to live very little support for us partners and my mental health affects I too can't do this sending you big hugs x
Hi hilltop
I posted on an old post of yours a few weeks ago as I remember our cases were similar. When you hadn't replied I'd hoped you had received NFA so am upset to read this is still ongoing for you too. The living in limbo is so hard and I just keep thinking 'life's too short for this' but equally if he's being truthful then I don't want to leave. Know exactly how you're feeling. Thinking of you and hoping you get some news soon x
I posted on an old post of yours a few weeks ago as I remember our cases were similar. When you hadn't replied I'd hoped you had received NFA so am upset to read this is still ongoing for you too. The living in limbo is so hard and I just keep thinking 'life's too short for this' but equally if he's being truthful then I don't want to leave. Know exactly how you're feeling. Thinking of you and hoping you get some news soon x