Local Newspaper made it all so much worse
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My new husband (less than 6 months married) plead guilty recently.
In 2020 (before we got together) when he was 19, he messaged a minor, which turned out to be an undercover officer. They were in contact for two weeks, one conversation became explicit before he stopped contact, realising how inappropriate his actions were.
When he was 18 he exchanged explicit images with a 15 year old, who he met through friends under the impression she was older. When she confirmed her age he cut contact with her.
Since he plead guilty our local busybody newspaper released his article, implying that every photo and offence was linked to the younger girl.
I can't defend his actions, or explain why he messaged someone that age or why he would have been inappropriate. But now instead of coping and trying to get my head around this impossible situation, I'm having people think that he's committed something so much worse than it was out of context.
I live in a small town and everyone I work with or went to school with or anything only has the information from the article to go off and I'm really struggling with it.
In 2020 (before we got together) when he was 19, he messaged a minor, which turned out to be an undercover officer. They were in contact for two weeks, one conversation became explicit before he stopped contact, realising how inappropriate his actions were.
When he was 18 he exchanged explicit images with a 15 year old, who he met through friends under the impression she was older. When she confirmed her age he cut contact with her.
Since he plead guilty our local busybody newspaper released his article, implying that every photo and offence was linked to the younger girl.
I can't defend his actions, or explain why he messaged someone that age or why he would have been inappropriate. But now instead of coping and trying to get my head around this impossible situation, I'm having people think that he's committed something so much worse than it was out of context.
I live in a small town and everyone I work with or went to school with or anything only has the information from the article to go off and I'm really struggling with it.
Nightmare :(. So sorry :( . This is a fear for many of us. There should be media restrictions instead of the drive for sensationalism. Living in a small town or village makes exposure a lot harder to contemplate or deal with. So much about our situations is made worse because responses and actions are unbalanced and unhelpful.
I hope you can find some peace.
I hope you can find some peace.
Hey, I just wanted to message and say that I am so sorry you are going through this. You are already going through so much as it is, then the media come along and make things 10 times harder.
We had a similar situation with my husband, where the papers posted everything from the plea hearing. The article was horrendous and not even correct; this didn't matter at all though, as people already made their mind up on what they thought about it all from this and didn't give us the chance to explain the truth.
The truth is that my husband was innocent from tbe start, a forensic examination proved this and also a trial this year found him not guilty. All top quickly, all the people that made our lives hell from the year before, after the news article, tried coming back...however, the pain and damage was already done.
My point above is that the media is absolute hell and I am sorry you are going through similar. I did have CBT trauma that helped me cope with the aftermath of it all, maybe this is something you could look into? I know some places do it for free based on certain situations, so definitrly something to think about looking into.
Please remember that you are not alone. No matter how much it feels like it, there are people here for you. Take care.
We had a similar situation with my husband, where the papers posted everything from the plea hearing. The article was horrendous and not even correct; this didn't matter at all though, as people already made their mind up on what they thought about it all from this and didn't give us the chance to explain the truth.
The truth is that my husband was innocent from tbe start, a forensic examination proved this and also a trial this year found him not guilty. All top quickly, all the people that made our lives hell from the year before, after the news article, tried coming back...however, the pain and damage was already done.
My point above is that the media is absolute hell and I am sorry you are going through similar. I did have CBT trauma that helped me cope with the aftermath of it all, maybe this is something you could look into? I know some places do it for free based on certain situations, so definitrly something to think about looking into.
Please remember that you are not alone. No matter how much it feels like it, there are people here for you. Take care.
As someone who's been there, my heart really goes out to you. The media destroy lives and don't seem to care. I'm so sorry you and your husband are having to go through this.
I can relate too. My husband was earlier this year found guilty of an indecent assault charge from 28 years ago.
I have been with my husband for that amount of years and know the truth and that he did not commit the crime. I know people will say how do you know? I cannot explain without going into masses of details of the case but he was set up to fail my our local police force to make out they are doing a job they should of been doing all those years ago around a very mixed up and vulnerable girl.
Up until he was found guilty nothing was in the media. It appeared numerous times in between the trial and sentencing in totally sensationalised and twisted way to make it sound way worse than what the actual case involved.
There were awful comments online from the masses and I even ended up calling the police about one as people were asking for our address and there are two teenagers in our house and it put us all at risk with these kind of comments flying around.
Thankfully, we have the most amazing families, friends and work colleagues who have supported us from the start of all this when we had a knock 5 years ago. My husband resigned from his job teaching and coaching when we were told to and his workplace fully support him still and kept him employed for as long as they could. Our childrens school at the time again were with us with any guidance and did their utmost to support.
Since the sentencing (2 years suspended, 100hrs, 10 years on the register and no SHPO), my husband has completed his community service and attended meetings when asked but I wil honestly say life has kind of returned to normal now. The police and probation have confirmed already that he is classed as low risk (even though he is no risk) and keep appointments to a minimum.
My daughters started college, myself and son are both still working in schools where our leaders have been there for us completely. My husband found a new job which he enjoys and again his workmates are there.
In our community (which is small and very cliquey) we have received nothing but support. So many people have reached out to us and said they do not believe a word of what was said and when speaking to them and telling them the real story have all been absolutely gobsmacked by the actual truth of the case.
I am grateful that people have seen through the media's twisted tale and that they really know my true husband as the kind and lovely person he is. We were genuinley scared when it hit but feel so overwhelmed by everyone who see's him for who he is and not what the media and police force made him out to be.
I did recenlty see someone who posted an awful comment on one of the articles in my local shop. She turned and smiled at me politely when we were standing in the queue. I really wanted to say something but she clearly had no clue who I was and her moronic comment shows how naive we are to the media.
I even read comments from people who I know who clearly have not realised (from school days and the school run for my kids back in the day). We removed ourselves from all social media before the trial and any internet hits on us too so this did minimise any searches bringing us up.
Time is a great healer and people do forget so I wish you all the kind thoughts possible.
I have been with my husband for that amount of years and know the truth and that he did not commit the crime. I know people will say how do you know? I cannot explain without going into masses of details of the case but he was set up to fail my our local police force to make out they are doing a job they should of been doing all those years ago around a very mixed up and vulnerable girl.
Up until he was found guilty nothing was in the media. It appeared numerous times in between the trial and sentencing in totally sensationalised and twisted way to make it sound way worse than what the actual case involved.
There were awful comments online from the masses and I even ended up calling the police about one as people were asking for our address and there are two teenagers in our house and it put us all at risk with these kind of comments flying around.
Thankfully, we have the most amazing families, friends and work colleagues who have supported us from the start of all this when we had a knock 5 years ago. My husband resigned from his job teaching and coaching when we were told to and his workplace fully support him still and kept him employed for as long as they could. Our childrens school at the time again were with us with any guidance and did their utmost to support.
Since the sentencing (2 years suspended, 100hrs, 10 years on the register and no SHPO), my husband has completed his community service and attended meetings when asked but I wil honestly say life has kind of returned to normal now. The police and probation have confirmed already that he is classed as low risk (even though he is no risk) and keep appointments to a minimum.
My daughters started college, myself and son are both still working in schools where our leaders have been there for us completely. My husband found a new job which he enjoys and again his workmates are there.
In our community (which is small and very cliquey) we have received nothing but support. So many people have reached out to us and said they do not believe a word of what was said and when speaking to them and telling them the real story have all been absolutely gobsmacked by the actual truth of the case.
I am grateful that people have seen through the media's twisted tale and that they really know my true husband as the kind and lovely person he is. We were genuinley scared when it hit but feel so overwhelmed by everyone who see's him for who he is and not what the media and police force made him out to be.
I did recenlty see someone who posted an awful comment on one of the articles in my local shop. She turned and smiled at me politely when we were standing in the queue. I really wanted to say something but she clearly had no clue who I was and her moronic comment shows how naive we are to the media.
I even read comments from people who I know who clearly have not realised (from school days and the school run for my kids back in the day). We removed ourselves from all social media before the trial and any internet hits on us too so this did minimise any searches bringing us up.
Time is a great healer and people do forget so I wish you all the kind thoughts possible.