Am I Naive?
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I'm really struggling to figure out whether I'm just being naive, or if this truly could be a one time event. I'm trying to be logical but I know I'm biased because I love him.
My husband has been charged with one count of talking to a minor, one charge of cat A, one charge of cat B, one charge of cat C images, and a charge of extreme pornography involving animals.
He has told me that the images, including the extreme ones, are a mix of a chat between himself (18 at the time) and a 15yo over a span of 6 months, and a dodgy link he clicked on from Omegle.
The talking to a minor was a decoy 13 year old through kik. He has told me that initially the chat was just friendly, which he didn't see as a problem as he already had friends that age with a group of lots of people that had met through Xbox who played online together. He has said that on one occasion he felt particularly vulnerable and lonely and, although he can't explain why he would do it when he knew 'she' was 13, he decided to push their chat further by sending explicit pictures and asking for one.
He claims he realised immediately afterwards how wrong and inappropriate he was, and asked her not to tell anyone.
They supposedly chatted 'normally' afterwards, just friendly as before, for two days before they cut contact altogether.
My brother pointed out to me that it was just too many things for it to have been a one off, but I also feel like I don't want to throw my marriage away over something that could have been one conversation not in his right mind that happened before I met him.
Am I just being naive?
My husband has been charged with one count of talking to a minor, one charge of cat A, one charge of cat B, one charge of cat C images, and a charge of extreme pornography involving animals.
He has told me that the images, including the extreme ones, are a mix of a chat between himself (18 at the time) and a 15yo over a span of 6 months, and a dodgy link he clicked on from Omegle.
The talking to a minor was a decoy 13 year old through kik. He has told me that initially the chat was just friendly, which he didn't see as a problem as he already had friends that age with a group of lots of people that had met through Xbox who played online together. He has said that on one occasion he felt particularly vulnerable and lonely and, although he can't explain why he would do it when he knew 'she' was 13, he decided to push their chat further by sending explicit pictures and asking for one.
He claims he realised immediately afterwards how wrong and inappropriate he was, and asked her not to tell anyone.
They supposedly chatted 'normally' afterwards, just friendly as before, for two days before they cut contact altogether.
My brother pointed out to me that it was just too many things for it to have been a one off, but I also feel like I don't want to throw my marriage away over something that could have been one conversation not in his right mind that happened before I met him.
Am I just being naive?
I don't think you are being naive at all - I think you are just hoping for the best, as we all are.
Hang on in there xxx
Hang on in there xxx
I don't think you're being naive but like the poster above you are hoping for the best. I found it very difficult at first to put together the man I had thought would never ever do something like this with the reality that he infact was the man that did this. If we dismiss it as 'just one time' does that make it acceptable?
The bar I hold him to is the same bar I hold myself to, and I think would I have ever looked at that sort of pornography at all, even once..... No. Has the thought ever entered my head to clock on anything like that or look for it....no. would I leave a chat and report it to the police due to being so outraged/disgusted.....yes. Would I have 13 year old 'friends' at all......no. would I ever in any mental state (and trust me I've been diagnosed with severe depression, post natal depression, severe anxiety, complex PTSD) would I ever engage in any kind of sexual conversation with a child, would the thought even enter my head....no. I think what you have to accept whether you stay or go is that this person did do these things, and for the thought to do them even to enter their mind, at that time they must have wanted to do those things, no-held him down took a picture of him naked and sent it to a child, it was a choice. No-one forced him to remain in a chat where inappropriate images were being exchanged it was a choice. And if they did do it and they did hide it then even with help they have the potential to do this again and hide it again.
If you can accept that he did do it but feel he might be able to get help or change then that's completely your decision.
The bar I hold him to is the same bar I hold myself to, and I think would I have ever looked at that sort of pornography at all, even once..... No. Has the thought ever entered my head to clock on anything like that or look for it....no. would I leave a chat and report it to the police due to being so outraged/disgusted.....yes. Would I have 13 year old 'friends' at all......no. would I ever in any mental state (and trust me I've been diagnosed with severe depression, post natal depression, severe anxiety, complex PTSD) would I ever engage in any kind of sexual conversation with a child, would the thought even enter my head....no. I think what you have to accept whether you stay or go is that this person did do these things, and for the thought to do them even to enter their mind, at that time they must have wanted to do those things, no-held him down took a picture of him naked and sent it to a child, it was a choice. No-one forced him to remain in a chat where inappropriate images were being exchanged it was a choice. And if they did do it and they did hide it then even with help they have the potential to do this again and hide it again.
If you can accept that he did do it but feel he might be able to get help or change then that's completely your decision.