Feeling so alone
Notifications OFF
Hi all,
This is my first post. We had the knock at door 4 weeks ago, my whole world came crashing down! Married for 22 years happily (or so i thought), hubby has porn addiction and got himself involved in a messaging app called kik, where he messaged other women sexually and exchanged pornogrophyin groups, but was all adult, until one of the group uploaded illegal images which my hubby looked at. He realised he did wrong and deleted the app straightaway but by then was too late! Hubby had had a massive breakdown after losing his dad few years back, and couldn't talk about it, I feel completely broken and so alone. I've told just a couple of family members who have been supportive but I can't disclose everything to them due to fear. I have teenage children and social services are involved, I feel like I'm on trial myself. I feel like I have to prepare for worst hope for best, so hubby not living here, got him a bedsit for foreseeable future to try and disassociate him from our home address. I am severely worried about backlash from others who don't know our situation. My feelings are all over the place, he has only got a basic phone now and no internet and he says he feels like a weight has been lifted. He contemplated suicide when it happened which truky upset me, kids do not know, shielding them from what I can. I know hes screwed up massively and needs help and I still love him, but am so hurt and angry too. Just feel like there's noone i can openly talk to about everything.
This is my first post. We had the knock at door 4 weeks ago, my whole world came crashing down! Married for 22 years happily (or so i thought), hubby has porn addiction and got himself involved in a messaging app called kik, where he messaged other women sexually and exchanged pornogrophyin groups, but was all adult, until one of the group uploaded illegal images which my hubby looked at. He realised he did wrong and deleted the app straightaway but by then was too late! Hubby had had a massive breakdown after losing his dad few years back, and couldn't talk about it, I feel completely broken and so alone. I've told just a couple of family members who have been supportive but I can't disclose everything to them due to fear. I have teenage children and social services are involved, I feel like I'm on trial myself. I feel like I have to prepare for worst hope for best, so hubby not living here, got him a bedsit for foreseeable future to try and disassociate him from our home address. I am severely worried about backlash from others who don't know our situation. My feelings are all over the place, he has only got a basic phone now and no internet and he says he feels like a weight has been lifted. He contemplated suicide when it happened which truky upset me, kids do not know, shielding them from what I can. I know hes screwed up massively and needs help and I still love him, but am so hurt and angry too. Just feel like there's noone i can openly talk to about everything.
IP address or cell phone data can be traced to the username associated, likelihood is there was a decoy in that room who logged it all. I'm so sorry owl you are in this situation but pleased you have found this group. We are supportive and non judgemental we are all here thru no fault of our own some are mums some wives/partners some have children others don't some stay some leave either way we are in this together. I'm sure you have a million questions and there is a wealth of knowledge on here. If you haven't already ring the helpline and encourage your hubby to aswell people say they are really useful.
keep strong x
keep strong x
Hello owl
Sorry you too are now a member of this exclusive club which no one wanted to join.
First thing... No one is judgemental on here... You make your own decisions when time allows... My only advice... Its early days.. You will go through emotions of love, hate, disgust, fear and joy. There will be days you will want to hit him with a hot iron for the trauma you will suffer.
I can only suggest u keep posting on this forum and speak to the help line when dark clouds appear.
There are also others who have joined mumsnet where you can chat confidentially. I'm not a member... My partners family see all adults and everyone has disowned him.
As for me... I stayed, I love him... My bows were better or for worse... He was also suicidal and deeply ashamed. But yes there are still days that had there been a cricket bat nearby it would have been used to knock him out for all the stress, crying and misery he caused by downloading 4 moving images... and facilitating the continued abuse of the teenagers on film.
Best wishes..
Sorry you too are now a member of this exclusive club which no one wanted to join.
First thing... No one is judgemental on here... You make your own decisions when time allows... My only advice... Its early days.. You will go through emotions of love, hate, disgust, fear and joy. There will be days you will want to hit him with a hot iron for the trauma you will suffer.
I can only suggest u keep posting on this forum and speak to the help line when dark clouds appear.
There are also others who have joined mumsnet where you can chat confidentially. I'm not a member... My partners family see all adults and everyone has disowned him.
As for me... I stayed, I love him... My bows were better or for worse... He was also suicidal and deeply ashamed. But yes there are still days that had there been a cricket bat nearby it would have been used to knock him out for all the stress, crying and misery he caused by downloading 4 moving images... and facilitating the continued abuse of the teenagers on film.
Best wishes..
Vows...
Bless you all thankyou for your kind words x I'm massively scared what the future holds. I also take my marriage vows seriously too, and think for one huge enormous lapse of judgement when he wasn't of sound mind i shouldn't throw away 22 years of good marriage, although like you say I feel so angry towards him somedays and other days I just feel love that he is suffering. I feel like I'm in a grieving state for what was before the knock at the door! My hubby told me sbout this site as he's already been in contact with them and has regular discussions.
Owl - you know YOU can phone the helpline too, don't you? The people on the end of the line are ENORMOUSLY helpful.
I'm staying with my partner too - he made a stupid, stupid mistake and was initially suicidal but is now on antidepressants and seeing a StopSO therapist, both of which have been helpful.
I am going to do the INform+ course in the next few weeks, which I'm looking forward to.
I'm staying with my partner too - he made a stupid, stupid mistake and was initially suicidal but is now on antidepressants and seeing a StopSO therapist, both of which have been helpful.
I am going to do the INform+ course in the next few weeks, which I'm looking forward to.
Thanku ever so much, I didn't realise I could ring them. I will have to do this when I next get chance with no kids about. I feel so mentally exhausted from all manner of emotions I'm going through, I bet we are all the same in this xxxx
Hi Owl, so sorry you've found yourself on here, but as everyone says it's a safe non judgemental space and I've found it enormously helpful. Briefly my husband viewed images of children and is appearing in court in just over a week. Its been a long wait as the legal process is slow.
I'm staying but am worried about our future together as it's a difficult thing to get over. I'm lucky in that I don't have children at home, but we have grandchildren and once he has a conviction we may not be able to see them as we did before.
Stay strong, call the helpline they are excellent.
I'm staying but am worried about our future together as it's a difficult thing to get over. I'm lucky in that I don't have children at home, but we have grandchildren and once he has a conviction we may not be able to see them as we did before.
Stay strong, call the helpline they are excellent.