Feel like I'm being punished.
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I received the knock only three days ago, since then my world has been turned upside down. Me and my partner of 8 years were sat down and told iioc had been linked to an IP address at the property and all our devices were to be checked. They checked two of my phones and gave them back to me on scene and told me I could leave if I wanted to. I did.
On my return to my shock my partner had not been taken by the police, they had obtained his phone, our laptop and our tablet. I had to tell the police about any young children we have contact with. Since then SS have been to a family members house and told them me or my partner were not to have contact alone with the children. I am mortified. I feel like I'm being punished.
He is denying any wrong doing and I have not seen him since. I have not been to work and I'm petrified they will tell my work as I'm in a public facing role. After speaking to the police they explained that because they haven't found anything yet they can't pinpoint it on a certain person, which confused me due to the fact they gave me my property back and allowed me to leave.
On my return to my shock my partner had not been taken by the police, they had obtained his phone, our laptop and our tablet. I had to tell the police about any young children we have contact with. Since then SS have been to a family members house and told them me or my partner were not to have contact alone with the children. I am mortified. I feel like I'm being punished.
He is denying any wrong doing and I have not seen him since. I have not been to work and I'm petrified they will tell my work as I'm in a public facing role. After speaking to the police they explained that because they haven't found anything yet they can't pinpoint it on a certain person, which confused me due to the fact they gave me my property back and allowed me to leave.
Hi Bav
I'm so so sorry that you have had to join us. Please use this forum for support, I promise it helps you feel less alone. Everyone on here is kind and non judgemental and will share their experiences. Have you called the helpline? Honestly they are brilliant, I spent hours crying down the phone to them in the early days and they are so sympathetic but also practical and helpful. Call them when you can, be patient because they get very busy and it sometimes rings a long time.
Regarding the police, do you have the name of an officer? They should have left paperwork behind if they took equipment away. You can ask to speak to that officer to find out what's happening. You have the right to do that.
As far as your work goes, in my experience it's very unlikely they'll contact your work, especially if they gave your phone back. Also it could take a long time to examine the tablet and laptop so take a breath, it's unlikely anything will happen in the next couple of weeks.
Have a few sick days if you can, then go back to work. Whatever happens next, your work might just keep you going. I found if I had to get up and get ready for work, I'd pull myself together even if I was having a bad day.
My story briefly - we got the knock 2 and a half years ago. At the time the police took my laptop, his laptop and phone. My laptop was returned about 3 months later. His have never been returned as they are evidence.
We are still together. He goes to court in 2 weeks and will plead guilty. He's admitted his guilt from the start. It was all mixed with a period of severe mental illness for him which doesn't excuse what he did, but partly explains it.
Please don't despair, we are all here for you.
Sending warmest wishes x
I'm so so sorry that you have had to join us. Please use this forum for support, I promise it helps you feel less alone. Everyone on here is kind and non judgemental and will share their experiences. Have you called the helpline? Honestly they are brilliant, I spent hours crying down the phone to them in the early days and they are so sympathetic but also practical and helpful. Call them when you can, be patient because they get very busy and it sometimes rings a long time.
Regarding the police, do you have the name of an officer? They should have left paperwork behind if they took equipment away. You can ask to speak to that officer to find out what's happening. You have the right to do that.
As far as your work goes, in my experience it's very unlikely they'll contact your work, especially if they gave your phone back. Also it could take a long time to examine the tablet and laptop so take a breath, it's unlikely anything will happen in the next couple of weeks.
Have a few sick days if you can, then go back to work. Whatever happens next, your work might just keep you going. I found if I had to get up and get ready for work, I'd pull myself together even if I was having a bad day.
My story briefly - we got the knock 2 and a half years ago. At the time the police took my laptop, his laptop and phone. My laptop was returned about 3 months later. His have never been returned as they are evidence.
We are still together. He goes to court in 2 weeks and will plead guilty. He's admitted his guilt from the start. It was all mixed with a period of severe mental illness for him which doesn't excuse what he did, but partly explains it.
Please don't despair, we are all here for you.
Sending warmest wishes x
Thank you, spoke to police today and they explained they consider me in no way to be a suspect and have updated SS accordingly.
I do feel very lost and broken at the moment. My partner has returned home today and we've spoke about him leaving the property even though he is adamanet he doesn't know why this is wrong but admits to having a problem with porn.
I know this isn't going to be a quick this as this only happened 3 days ago but I know our lives have changed forever, I love him and want to support him but he doesn't want to stay in our home. I've got the general idea on here that this won't be over within six months or maybe even a year which has come to a shock for me.
I do feel very lost and broken at the moment. My partner has returned home today and we've spoke about him leaving the property even though he is adamanet he doesn't know why this is wrong but admits to having a problem with porn.
I know this isn't going to be a quick this as this only happened 3 days ago but I know our lives have changed forever, I love him and want to support him but he doesn't want to stay in our home. I've got the general idea on here that this won't be over within six months or maybe even a year which has come to a shock for me.
Hi Bav
I'm glad you contacted the police and have been ruled out. The arresting officer in my case just said its usually the man. So sad.
Yes it can take a long time. I think my case is fairly exceptional and most others seem to be 12 months at least.
I was relatively lucky in that we have no young children in our lives at the time. Since then our grandson has been born and I'm praying it won't impact too much on us seeing him.
It is like a nightmare early on, you are in total shock and my heart goes out to you. Phone the helpline.
Stay strong x
I'm glad you contacted the police and have been ruled out. The arresting officer in my case just said its usually the man. So sad.
Yes it can take a long time. I think my case is fairly exceptional and most others seem to be 12 months at least.
I was relatively lucky in that we have no young children in our lives at the time. Since then our grandson has been born and I'm praying it won't impact too much on us seeing him.
It is like a nightmare early on, you are in total shock and my heart goes out to you. Phone the helpline.
Stay strong x
Ann P,Mental disorder is a mitigating factor,hammer away at that.It is not an excuse,but it is a reason.Everyone suffering on here should get their spouse to be assessed.
Bav. I know the shock you’re feeling. I found out yesterday. Have spoken to police and ss. We did not live together, but were planning to move in together and set up home with my son from another relationship and our baby ( I’m 6 months pregnant with his child) devastated doesn’t come close. I’m still in shock. It’s like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. Glad you’ve found this forum too. Glad we are here to support each other. I thought this was a rare thing, looking at the amount of people in here I can see that’s not the case. Hugs to you. X
HS2_hater
Thank you for your reply and advice. I think you're right about mental assessment as all our men must be troubled mentally to do whatever they've done, whether it's I'm ages or messaging. We meet our solicitor next week to talk about pre sentence reportsetc and if we need medical records or a ketter from our doctor we'll get it. He attempted suicide and spent 3 weeks in a mental health unit around the time of his offence. It is not an excuse but I'm hoping it'll partly explain his actions. Our solicitor is hoping for a suspended sentence.
Thank you for your reply and advice. I think you're right about mental assessment as all our men must be troubled mentally to do whatever they've done, whether it's I'm ages or messaging. We meet our solicitor next week to talk about pre sentence reportsetc and if we need medical records or a ketter from our doctor we'll get it. He attempted suicide and spent 3 weeks in a mental health unit around the time of his offence. It is not an excuse but I'm hoping it'll partly explain his actions. Our solicitor is hoping for a suspended sentence.
Thanks everyone for your replies, can't believe some if you are waiting 11 months and I can't even see past tomorrow,
I think my main concern at the moment is that he's adament he hasn't done it which gives me no closure, and there's no evidence yet. I feel like the next step will break him. I really want him to see someone.
I seen him for the first time yesterday which broke both of our hearts as we discussed him moving out. I'm all he has really so I'm trying to be strong.
Will continue on here as this horrendous journey continues.
I think my main concern at the moment is that he's adament he hasn't done it which gives me no closure, and there's no evidence yet. I feel like the next step will break him. I really want him to see someone.
I seen him for the first time yesterday which broke both of our hearts as we discussed him moving out. I'm all he has really so I'm trying to be strong.
Will continue on here as this horrendous journey continues.
Hi Bav I hope you're not doing too badly today. The advice of taking one day at a time is really hard to follow, even now I struggle with that and worry about the future.
Keep talking to your partner if you can. If the police had enough to knock on your door it may well be true and he does need to admit to it if he and you want to move on. Lucy Faithfull talk about a 'reality check' for the offender, it's important they face up to what they've done. If he did do it you have to then decide if you can cope with it.
I decided to stay on certain conditions, which were that he got help, Lucy Faithful do a course for offenders, find a way to fill his days that wasn't computer based and obviously never do it again. He did all of this and admitted what he had done. I think he now sees he's lucky I'm still here.
Take care of yourself and know you have support here.
Keep talking to your partner if you can. If the police had enough to knock on your door it may well be true and he does need to admit to it if he and you want to move on. Lucy Faithfull talk about a 'reality check' for the offender, it's important they face up to what they've done. If he did do it you have to then decide if you can cope with it.
I decided to stay on certain conditions, which were that he got help, Lucy Faithful do a course for offenders, find a way to fill his days that wasn't computer based and obviously never do it again. He did all of this and admitted what he had done. I think he now sees he's lucky I'm still here.
Take care of yourself and know you have support here.
Yesterday was a slighty better day I actually ate, just a sandwich. I do feel that most mornings I sit waiting for the sun to come up.
I feel lucky in the sense that I don't have children, I'm not married and I own my property. When he leaves it will be tough but I know it's for the best.
The voluntary interview will be in a couple of weeks which I know will be an horrific time. I fear that day so much but also want it to come quicker.
Thank you to everyone on here, I don't feel so alone anymore and talking about it is helping me get through everyday
I feel lucky in the sense that I don't have children, I'm not married and I own my property. When he leaves it will be tough but I know it's for the best.
The voluntary interview will be in a couple of weeks which I know will be an horrific time. I fear that day so much but also want it to come quicker.
Thank you to everyone on here, I don't feel so alone anymore and talking about it is helping me get through everyday
I'm going back to work today after having 5 days off. I feel sick to my stomach, I just keep thinking they know and I'm going to get suspended, even though the police have told me by no means am I under investigation I am so paranoid right now.
I have to have a back to work meeting and it's giving me so much anxiety, I just want to continue my normal life and be myself which is why I'm going back. Plus financially I need every penny I can get now.
Hopefully today goes well for me and they won't pull me in about this. It hasn't even been a week for me yet and I'm already fed up of living in fear. Well done to all those who have been living this day in, day out for a long period.
I have to have a back to work meeting and it's giving me so much anxiety, I just want to continue my normal life and be myself which is why I'm going back. Plus financially I need every penny I can get now.
Hopefully today goes well for me and they won't pull me in about this. It hasn't even been a week for me yet and I'm already fed up of living in fear. Well done to all those who have been living this day in, day out for a long period.
Bav thinking of you, I hope today goes easier than you expect. Depending on your job you may wish to tell your employer or they maybe able to offer you additional support however you know your employer and situation the best and your choice if you do. Please let us know how you get on. Please ring helpline if needed as I'm sure they can support this kind of thing I'm sure x
Hi Bav
Hope work goes OK for you today. Remember they don't know, so pin on a grin and do your best. I did exactly what you did, lied saying I had a bad tummy upset so I didn't answer too many questions. Actually early on work was good for me because I felt normal. Keep going x x
Hope work goes OK for you today. Remember they don't know, so pin on a grin and do your best. I did exactly what you did, lied saying I had a bad tummy upset so I didn't answer too many questions. Actually early on work was good for me because I felt normal. Keep going x x