in shock. Partner arrested for downloading indecent image.
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I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post. I’m in shock and heads all over the place. Yesterday my partner ( now ex, father of my unborn child) was arrested for downloading an indecent image of a child. He has admitted it to the police and to me.
Please can someone offer me some advice, something, anything.
I’m 6 months pregnant with a 7 year old child whom thinks of this person as a dad.
I feel completely destroyed and worried sick about what will unravel. I don’t know what to think, what to believe. The police officer has told me he is not considered a threat and that he can have supervised contact with my son if I wish ( I don’t wish)
How the hell do people cope with the news? I’m a wreck.
Please can someone offer me some advice, something, anything.
I’m 6 months pregnant with a 7 year old child whom thinks of this person as a dad.
I feel completely destroyed and worried sick about what will unravel. I don’t know what to think, what to believe. The police officer has told me he is not considered a threat and that he can have supervised contact with my son if I wish ( I don’t wish)
How the hell do people cope with the news? I’m a wreck.
I am so sorry you find yourself in this place. But this forum is full of people who have experienced 'the knock' and who are supportive and non-judgemental.
You will be experiencing a range of emotions because you are in shock. Unfortunately, the Police process of dealing with these cases can be long and drawn out, depending on where you live. I would strongly recommend that you call the Helpline. They are good listeners and full of practical ideas on how to deal with your situation. Like this forum you don't have to give your real name.
Most importantly, look after yourself so you can look after your child and unborn child. Wishing you all the best. Keep coming here. You are not alone. There is an epidemic of this type of offence. Nationwide up to 5000 cases are dealt with each year. But because it is such a taboo subject it is going under the radar in terms of educating people and helping those innocent family and friends caught up in it.
You will be experiencing a range of emotions because you are in shock. Unfortunately, the Police process of dealing with these cases can be long and drawn out, depending on where you live. I would strongly recommend that you call the Helpline. They are good listeners and full of practical ideas on how to deal with your situation. Like this forum you don't have to give your real name.
Most importantly, look after yourself so you can look after your child and unborn child. Wishing you all the best. Keep coming here. You are not alone. There is an epidemic of this type of offence. Nationwide up to 5000 cases are dealt with each year. But because it is such a taboo subject it is going under the radar in terms of educating people and helping those innocent family and friends caught up in it.
Thankyou Izzy.
This is all I have right now. I’ve told a close friend, but no one else. I will call the helpline later. I’m so glad I’ve found this forum. I feel so scared and alone right now.
This is all I have right now. I’ve told a close friend, but no one else. I will call the helpline later. I’m so glad I’ve found this forum. I feel so scared and alone right now.
Hi Marie
Please don't think you're alone, everyone here is ready to support you and hold you up emotionally. I remember how I felt and I wish I could give you a hug. Things will happen slowly so breathe and drink tea. Look after yourself. Your partner is not a monster. Even the officer who arrested my husband said good people do bad things. The enemy here is the porn industry, and real sick abusers who are fuelling this epedemic.
Tcall the helpline, every day if you need to, they are brilliant. Be patient because they are so busy and sometimes take a while to pick up. You might have to try more thsn once.
Please take care xx
Please don't think you're alone, everyone here is ready to support you and hold you up emotionally. I remember how I felt and I wish I could give you a hug. Things will happen slowly so breathe and drink tea. Look after yourself. Your partner is not a monster. Even the officer who arrested my husband said good people do bad things. The enemy here is the porn industry, and real sick abusers who are fuelling this epedemic.
Tcall the helpline, every day if you need to, they are brilliant. Be patient because they are so busy and sometimes take a while to pick up. You might have to try more thsn once.
Please take care xx
How are you MarieD? Have you got through to the helpline? (I found that hitting the redail button eventually worked!) It's still so early for you - it's important to allow time to understand, communicate with your partner, work to understand how this all happened.
We had 'the knock' end of November - and I remember being in absolute turmoil - experiencing every emotion from grief to anger - in those first couple weeks. WEe are now in limboland - and I've been reading, talking, working hard to understand exactly what has been going on in my partners head - him being addicted to internet pornography for the last three years. We have been married for 40+years - he IS a good man who has made a stupid mistake. Things have kind of settled down and my partner has had four sessions with a StopSO therapist and is on antidepressants. I am planning on attending the LF Inform+ course in the near future. I dread what will happen down the line but I'm preparing.
You are not alone. As Anne said, this internet porn leading to extreme porn is an epidemic that society needs to be talking about.
We had 'the knock' end of November - and I remember being in absolute turmoil - experiencing every emotion from grief to anger - in those first couple weeks. WEe are now in limboland - and I've been reading, talking, working hard to understand exactly what has been going on in my partners head - him being addicted to internet pornography for the last three years. We have been married for 40+years - he IS a good man who has made a stupid mistake. Things have kind of settled down and my partner has had four sessions with a StopSO therapist and is on antidepressants. I am planning on attending the LF Inform+ course in the near future. I dread what will happen down the line but I'm preparing.
You are not alone. As Anne said, this internet porn leading to extreme porn is an epidemic that society needs to be talking about.
Anne P, Thankyou for your reply.
Im managing to eat a tiny bit more ( still only the odd mouthful but better than nothing)
I’m coping in a sort of painful shocked daze for the sake of my son and unborn baby.
Im not having any contact with my ex for the sake of my son and own sake ( apart from the odd text to check he is still alive ( I believe he is a suicide risk) and to remind him to stay strong and face this for his daughters sake. I do not know the extent of what he has done but now believe there to be more than I was initially told.
Theres no words to describe the pain and horror really is there? The dread of the unknown, expecting a knock at the door to be told there’s more. It’s the most horrific nightmare and I feel sick and devastated that the man I was so deeply in love with and had planned to spend the rest of my life building a family with is so deeply disturbed in the worst way I can imagine. The betrayal. It’s unreal.
I called the helpline and they were wonderful to me. It helped a lot and when I am on my own again I will call them again. I just pray this gets easier to cope with in time.
Im managing to eat a tiny bit more ( still only the odd mouthful but better than nothing)
I’m coping in a sort of painful shocked daze for the sake of my son and unborn baby.
Im not having any contact with my ex for the sake of my son and own sake ( apart from the odd text to check he is still alive ( I believe he is a suicide risk) and to remind him to stay strong and face this for his daughters sake. I do not know the extent of what he has done but now believe there to be more than I was initially told.
Theres no words to describe the pain and horror really is there? The dread of the unknown, expecting a knock at the door to be told there’s more. It’s the most horrific nightmare and I feel sick and devastated that the man I was so deeply in love with and had planned to spend the rest of my life building a family with is so deeply disturbed in the worst way I can imagine. The betrayal. It’s unreal.
I called the helpline and they were wonderful to me. It helped a lot and when I am on my own again I will call them again. I just pray this gets easier to cope with in time.
Tutleymutley
Thankyou. I think it’s made worse by not knowing the extent of what he has done. I’m thinking an addiction to viewing the reinacting the sort of thing that happened to him as a child, but I just don’t know. He wanted to tell me but I decided that I physically can’t cope hearing it in my condition. When my daughter is born I will ask to be told ( if I’m not told by police before then) so that I can make a choice about any access to his daughter.
God I just want this to stop, to get easier Its horrific .
Thankyou. I think it’s made worse by not knowing the extent of what he has done. I’m thinking an addiction to viewing the reinacting the sort of thing that happened to him as a child, but I just don’t know. He wanted to tell me but I decided that I physically can’t cope hearing it in my condition. When my daughter is born I will ask to be told ( if I’m not told by police before then) so that I can make a choice about any access to his daughter.
God I just want this to stop, to get easier Its horrific .