Hi and much empathy sent to you from a mum who has a son around your son's age and other children (daughters both adults so not teens). I find the most difficult thing to navigate is our girls feelings about their brother. They know he was in an extremely damaging marriage so accept that played a part but also they think they know they would never ever do what he has done (offences almost identical to your son). It is 'the elephant in the room' quite often when we have Facetime conversations with them (they both live overseas) and our son just doesn't know how to approach them and neither do we really. The only advice I can give is to let your teen feel his feelings as they are valid but also try to steer him towards remembering that his brother is still the person he always was alongside this offending. Time can be a great balancer but the burden on you will be heavy and I hope you have someone to talk to. It is very early days for you - we are just approaching sentencing after 3 years and although things are still fragile our daughters are accepting that maybe their brother is still who they believed him to be despite his offences. Perhaps it would help your teen to talk to someone at Lucy Faithfull? Anyway, a big empathetic hug sent your way.

PS You might get some other replies if you repost on the 'General Discussion' thread as your situation will be all too familiar for many of us.

How are you doing now a little more time has passed? Different but similar situation here, except my offending son was 18 when arrested last November. Can I ask how your son managed to be bailed to yours (assuming the younger one lives with you too)? Our son has had to sleep elsewhere since arrest due to younger siblings which has been the hardest part other than having to drop out of education. Thankfully his siblings have been very forgiving so far, maybe as he was under 18 himself at time of offending they understand it more. Such a difficult rollercoaster for everyone, and a huge burden of worry for us as parents. Hope you're all doing as well as you can.

I think that siblings can react in different ways. In our situation, they found out the true extent of his offending from our local online newspaper and Facebook. As parents we were also unaware of the severity of his offending.

Our two eldest children do not want to visit our house, as their brother resides here. He is very vulnerable, due to having physical and learning disabilities. We are hoping that in future, that social work can arrange some form of supported housing for him.

We are particularly upset, that our grandchildren will not visit our home and garden. Our daughter is disgusted with her brother, we're hoping that in time, that they'll change their minds.

Upset parent - Hi , just wanted to give you some hope regarding the Supported Housing situation. My Son offended when he was 23, we are now 6 mths post-sentencing, he's 27 now. He is Autistic and I cannot fault Social Services who sorted out a Support Worker and 2 yrs later he was given a Supported Living flat which he has been in for over 18 mths. It's all been extremely stressful but worth all the hard work it took in getting it all sorted. I still worry no end for what the future holds . Feel free to pm me if I can help x