SS HELP PLEASE!!!!!
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Hi all,
Apologies for the long and rambling post. I have read various posts about corrupt and difficult SWs but never thought I would come across one.
My then partner, now husband was arrested in 2017 for iioc in all 3 categories. He admitted it right away but there was delays after delays, so he wasn't convicted until 2020. He got 5 years on SOR and SHPO and 2 years suspended. He completed Horizons course, went to therapy and we have moved on with our lives. He is now off everything.
3 years ago he changed his name with consent of the police, partly due to media and partly due to his family situation.
Fast forward to today and I am pregnant with our first baby. We were in the process of going through fertility treatment when we fell naturally. We were both honest with fertility clinic about his past and he also spoke to the police regularly about our journey to become parents.
I have had many scans due to being high risk and was never asked about his past. If I had of been asked, I would have been honest. I assumed it was on record as we had stated it on our fertility clinic forms and the police knew.
After my 20 week scan, I get a call that there had been a referral done due to someone recognising my husband at the hospital. I wasn't too surprised or worried and happily met with them.
Well the ground was pulled from under me as they are basically accusing me and my of trying to cover up our pregnancy and lie to authorities. They also said they think that is why my husband changed his name! They didnt seem to want to listen despite me having a paper trail of everything. They also said, if my husband was still on the register, our baby would be removed instantly!
SW said my husband needs to complete a risk assessment but that will be after the baby is born as there is a waiting list. They have said my parents will need to move into our house to monitor us both 24/7 until assessment is done which could be months. Completely unrealistic and setting us up to fail.
They also said they aren't sure if he is allowed at the birth!!
Please does anyone have any advice! I have tried to seek legal advice but can't seem to get anywhere. I feel like they are going to put me into early labour!
Thanks in advance! JOLENE Xxx
Apologies for the long and rambling post. I have read various posts about corrupt and difficult SWs but never thought I would come across one.
My then partner, now husband was arrested in 2017 for iioc in all 3 categories. He admitted it right away but there was delays after delays, so he wasn't convicted until 2020. He got 5 years on SOR and SHPO and 2 years suspended. He completed Horizons course, went to therapy and we have moved on with our lives. He is now off everything.
3 years ago he changed his name with consent of the police, partly due to media and partly due to his family situation.
Fast forward to today and I am pregnant with our first baby. We were in the process of going through fertility treatment when we fell naturally. We were both honest with fertility clinic about his past and he also spoke to the police regularly about our journey to become parents.
I have had many scans due to being high risk and was never asked about his past. If I had of been asked, I would have been honest. I assumed it was on record as we had stated it on our fertility clinic forms and the police knew.
After my 20 week scan, I get a call that there had been a referral done due to someone recognising my husband at the hospital. I wasn't too surprised or worried and happily met with them.
Well the ground was pulled from under me as they are basically accusing me and my of trying to cover up our pregnancy and lie to authorities. They also said they think that is why my husband changed his name! They didnt seem to want to listen despite me having a paper trail of everything. They also said, if my husband was still on the register, our baby would be removed instantly!
SW said my husband needs to complete a risk assessment but that will be after the baby is born as there is a waiting list. They have said my parents will need to move into our house to monitor us both 24/7 until assessment is done which could be months. Completely unrealistic and setting us up to fail.
They also said they aren't sure if he is allowed at the birth!!
Please does anyone have any advice! I have tried to seek legal advice but can't seem to get anywhere. I feel like they are going to put me into early labour!
Thanks in advance! JOLENE Xxx
Hi Jolene,
The system is hugely flawed and unfortunately this can result in mistakes being made and children being left in situations where they are at risk. It sounds like ss are trying to push blame onto you for the system not working properly. You mentioned a paper trail, is this just with the police about the name change or does it extend to the fertility clinic too?
The sw is lying about baby being removed if he was still on the register that doesn't put the child into the at risk of significant harm category as a stand alone thing, there are other factors that should be considered too.
Him being allowed at the birth is dependent on the safeguarding midwife for the hospital and your birth plan. Most are allowed at the birth but there are things put in place for when you're on the ward afterwards. This varies from not being allowed on the ward, being allowed on with family supervision too or just being allowed the same access as any other parent of a newborn.
Do you have a safety plan drafted? Is this something that you had to do for the fertility treatment to be able to go ahead? It's important to plan as though your husband still poses a risk, no matter how small you think that risk may be. My partners conviction will be spent in a few months time and he is able to live with us without any restrictions but it will always be in my head that I must remain watchful. Familiarise yourself with the signs of abuse, risk factors and do any safeguarding courses that you can to aid yourself in the process with ss. Is the sw you spoke to your appointed sw or someone from the office? I've found that the ones from the office can lack knowledge and tact tbh. Hopefully your appointed sw will be able to calmly go through your paperwork and rectify the situation xxx
The system is hugely flawed and unfortunately this can result in mistakes being made and children being left in situations where they are at risk. It sounds like ss are trying to push blame onto you for the system not working properly. You mentioned a paper trail, is this just with the police about the name change or does it extend to the fertility clinic too?
The sw is lying about baby being removed if he was still on the register that doesn't put the child into the at risk of significant harm category as a stand alone thing, there are other factors that should be considered too.
Him being allowed at the birth is dependent on the safeguarding midwife for the hospital and your birth plan. Most are allowed at the birth but there are things put in place for when you're on the ward afterwards. This varies from not being allowed on the ward, being allowed on with family supervision too or just being allowed the same access as any other parent of a newborn.
Do you have a safety plan drafted? Is this something that you had to do for the fertility treatment to be able to go ahead? It's important to plan as though your husband still poses a risk, no matter how small you think that risk may be. My partners conviction will be spent in a few months time and he is able to live with us without any restrictions but it will always be in my head that I must remain watchful. Familiarise yourself with the signs of abuse, risk factors and do any safeguarding courses that you can to aid yourself in the process with ss. Is the sw you spoke to your appointed sw or someone from the office? I've found that the ones from the office can lack knowledge and tact tbh. Hopefully your appointed sw will be able to calmly go through your paperwork and rectify the situation xxx
Thanks so much for getting back to me.
I couldn't believe it when he said about removal! I honestly feel like filing a complaint.
We don't have evidence of this, but we did complete forms so they will be on file somewhere.
I am happy to come up with a safety plan, I have been reading a lot about them, but what the SW is stating and expecting to happen after the birth seems ridiculous. I don't see why I can't supervise my husband and I understand putting things in place, like no nappy changes or baths by him. But expecting my parents to uproot their lives for months on end just seems excessive. We haven't done the safety plan, he just keeps throwing random suggestions out and contradicting himself. The SW normally works in another area of SS but has been brought in due to the back log. I don't know if it is worth requesting someone who is actually experienced of dealing with these situations.
We have both asked about courses etc that we can do in the meantime. I regularly do child protection training as part of my job too so hoping this will help our situation. Xx
I couldn't believe it when he said about removal! I honestly feel like filing a complaint.
We don't have evidence of this, but we did complete forms so they will be on file somewhere.
I am happy to come up with a safety plan, I have been reading a lot about them, but what the SW is stating and expecting to happen after the birth seems ridiculous. I don't see why I can't supervise my husband and I understand putting things in place, like no nappy changes or baths by him. But expecting my parents to uproot their lives for months on end just seems excessive. We haven't done the safety plan, he just keeps throwing random suggestions out and contradicting himself. The SW normally works in another area of SS but has been brought in due to the back log. I don't know if it is worth requesting someone who is actually experienced of dealing with these situations.
We have both asked about courses etc that we can do in the meantime. I regularly do child protection training as part of my job too so hoping this will help our situation. Xx
I think drafting your own safety plan to put forward might be the best way forward. I'm happy to be a sounding board if you need it. It's important to mention that you are aware that you will need rest during the recovery from birth so it would be wise for you to sleep when baby sleeps in the same room. This doesn't necessarily mean that your husband can't stay in the house but be prepared for him to have to sleep in another room at night.
Your parents staying for months feels excessive but having a support network is vital. Maybe having them stay for a little while might be helpful until you find your rhythm as a family of three. Navigating supervision is pretty easy for a newborn, 18 months is tricky because baby will have likely found their feet and be all over the place lol.
In terms of asking for someone else, you have to decide whether it is worth it because the sw will have to take their recommendations to their manager anyway so it won't just be his decision. Document everything and get his email address to be able to send proof of courses etc xxx
Your parents staying for months feels excessive but having a support network is vital. Maybe having them stay for a little while might be helpful until you find your rhythm as a family of three. Navigating supervision is pretty easy for a newborn, 18 months is tricky because baby will have likely found their feet and be all over the place lol.
In terms of asking for someone else, you have to decide whether it is worth it because the sw will have to take their recommendations to their manager anyway so it won't just be his decision. Document everything and get his email address to be able to send proof of courses etc xxx
Thanks so much for all your advice. It is really appreciated. I would love support with safety plan, if you wouldn't mind.
Thankfully he did say that if we adhere to plan and there are no issues, we will be discharged by June. Hopefully the plan will just be for the new born stage.
Thank you so much and so happy for you that you're out the other side of this.
Thankfully he did say that if we adhere to plan and there are no issues, we will be discharged by June. Hopefully the plan will just be for the new born stage.
Thank you so much and so happy for you that you're out the other side of this.
SS can be a law unto themselves sometimes is what ive learned. They cant just take your baby away. There are protocols for that and they would need to go through all the processes before hand to prove taking baby is the right action to take.
SS litrally for me its been a love hate relationship. Theyve tried to coerce a d manipulate me. Used the fact that my reaction to what was found on his phone being as a negative towards me (I was very much like thats not that bad. Considering SS was telling me well there could be evidence of him raping your daughter on his phone - there wasnt. There could be videos of photos of him raping/SA or filming someone else doing the act - there wasnt. There could be evidence of conversations with minors despite no evidence of this online at all - there wasnt. There are a few other accusations the SS gave an examples i should be prepared for i cant remember too. So yeah I was beyond glad there was less then 40 photos that are known images so not first gen photos, on his phone and that was it). And distribution on images which is why he was arrested in the first place. But that was known stuff. The trauma theyve given me is alot.
And they knew i was emotionally shut down from PPD prior to his arrest. So yeah SS can be interesting....
SS litrally for me its been a love hate relationship. Theyve tried to coerce a d manipulate me. Used the fact that my reaction to what was found on his phone being as a negative towards me (I was very much like thats not that bad. Considering SS was telling me well there could be evidence of him raping your daughter on his phone - there wasnt. There could be videos of photos of him raping/SA or filming someone else doing the act - there wasnt. There could be evidence of conversations with minors despite no evidence of this online at all - there wasnt. There are a few other accusations the SS gave an examples i should be prepared for i cant remember too. So yeah I was beyond glad there was less then 40 photos that are known images so not first gen photos, on his phone and that was it). And distribution on images which is why he was arrested in the first place. But that was known stuff. The trauma theyve given me is alot.
And they knew i was emotionally shut down from PPD prior to his arrest. So yeah SS can be interesting....