Struggling
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partner arrested last week. Decided I can’t continue in a relationship with him - how can your life just be flipped upside down like this - how do you pick yourself up from this. I can’t cope, I feel like I haven’t even come to terms with it yet - my body is completely numb and won’t let me have a proper cry about it all. I’m broken, but my body won’t let me believe it is true. I’m dealing with the fact that he has actively gone out of his way to cheat on me online, I never really fulfilled his desires, and the fact that there is now an arrest linked to this. We are now split within days, how on earth do I move on with my life
I feel exactly the same as you, in a whirlwind of emotions and in disbelief at the situation,
trying to make sense of all this is so difficult, I am so angry that he has turned my life upside down like this, I have decided I can't be in the relationship any more as well, my person had been involved with group chats, WhatsApp, kik etc, it's hard to imagine they lead this secret life
I totally understand how your feeling, this forum has been so good to find though, very supportive
trying to make sense of all this is so difficult, I am so angry that he has turned my life upside down like this, I have decided I can't be in the relationship any more as well, my person had been involved with group chats, WhatsApp, kik etc, it's hard to imagine they lead this secret life
I totally understand how your feeling, this forum has been so good to find though, very supportive
It does get easier as time goes on.
When we got the knock nearly a year ago I was a flood of thoughts and emotions. My brain switched between how dare he, why didnt he talk to me (im very open minded and I thought he knew that), and then can I forgive him. It took me a few days because he has always been a good person. This was what made it even harder. I ultimately made the decision to forgive and to move forwards together. Didnt stop me from being so very angry and sad for months.
It has in many ways made our relationship better because we now talk a lot more openly about our thoughts and feelings. I wish it didnt take him being arrested to realise actually how much he has just gotten on and pushed his burn out to the side because he thought more money = happiness and was worth being miserable.
Just know that youre not alone. The help line is amazing, use it when ever you need it, theyre really helpful and supportive.
When we got the knock nearly a year ago I was a flood of thoughts and emotions. My brain switched between how dare he, why didnt he talk to me (im very open minded and I thought he knew that), and then can I forgive him. It took me a few days because he has always been a good person. This was what made it even harder. I ultimately made the decision to forgive and to move forwards together. Didnt stop me from being so very angry and sad for months.
It has in many ways made our relationship better because we now talk a lot more openly about our thoughts and feelings. I wish it didnt take him being arrested to realise actually how much he has just gotten on and pushed his burn out to the side because he thought more money = happiness and was worth being miserable.
Just know that youre not alone. The help line is amazing, use it when ever you need it, theyre really helpful and supportive.
It's unreal isn't it. But honestly it does get better.
It took me a long time to make the decision to end my long marriage. But once I did it was like a weight was lifted a little. I had the same feeling on the day after he was sent to prison.
I felt I had to distance myself from him and the offence as I knew the offending would always be there hanging over us.
3.5 years later I firmly believe it was the best thing for me. I won't lie and say it was easy. I had some very dark moments.
But this year I am sort of looking forward to Christmas in my new home and as a newly divorced woman
It took me a long time to make the decision to end my long marriage. But once I did it was like a weight was lifted a little. I had the same feeling on the day after he was sent to prison.
I felt I had to distance myself from him and the offence as I knew the offending would always be there hanging over us.
3.5 years later I firmly believe it was the best thing for me. I won't lie and say it was easy. I had some very dark moments.
But this year I am sort of looking forward to Christmas in my new home and as a newly divorced woman
Hi lostinthisworld
I was the opposite at the start; I was in disbelief and wanted to support them and try maintain some sort of "normal" for my child's routine and family life.
As time has gone on I'm now feeling all the anger and betrayal once it's had time to properly sink in and process. And once I found out the outcome and what he said vs what was said in court (which were very different).
I was the opposite at the start; I was in disbelief and wanted to support them and try maintain some sort of "normal" for my child's routine and family life.
As time has gone on I'm now feeling all the anger and betrayal once it's had time to properly sink in and process. And once I found out the outcome and what he said vs what was said in court (which were very different).
I know its a cliche, but time is a healer. It does get easier. In many ways this is like grief. You're grieving the person you thought he was and the life you thought you had.
I am 9 years on from the first knock. I often describe it as being like a bomb has gone off in your life. My best advice, is get signed off work ASAP, contact the Stop It Now helpline for direct support, don't go down a Google rabbit hole, knock anything you don't like in your own behaviour on the head, e.g. drinking. Find yourself one friend or family member who will be there for you day or night, who will come in your house, cook and clean for you, make you a cuppa, listen to you say the same thing over and over again, who will offer constructive advice when you need it, and who will just hold you when you don't. Find your professional allies and stick with them - GP, Nurse, mental health support.
I can't sugarcoat it, this will be one of the worst times of your life and you can't control any of it. So try your very hardest to focus on the things you can control, your wellbeing, self-care, caring for dependents. Beyond that, lay on the sofa all day if you need to. Eat something - anything. Prepare yourself for a long haul. Try and work out what's important to you and follow that.... and whatever you do, never, ever think that you are alone. None of us wants to be here, but here we are. We aren't the first and we won't be the last, but just remember we don't often speak about it, so try to comfort yourself with the fact that the person next to you on the bus might be going through the exact same thing. I can't say this enough, especially when it feels like it...
YOU are NEVER alone <3
I can't sugarcoat it, this will be one of the worst times of your life and you can't control any of it. So try your very hardest to focus on the things you can control, your wellbeing, self-care, caring for dependents. Beyond that, lay on the sofa all day if you need to. Eat something - anything. Prepare yourself for a long haul. Try and work out what's important to you and follow that.... and whatever you do, never, ever think that you are alone. None of us wants to be here, but here we are. We aren't the first and we won't be the last, but just remember we don't often speak about it, so try to comfort yourself with the fact that the person next to you on the bus might be going through the exact same thing. I can't say this enough, especially when it feels like it...
YOU are NEVER alone <3