Still struggling
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5 years on, everything settled. It was reported in media but somehow no family have seen it (as far as we know).
We have kept this 'secret' to protect us more than him but since having my daughter in July 2024, my partner has struggled with this as if it happened today. Myself and my Mum has chosen to support my Brother as he has no one else. My partner chose to have nothing to do with him which I respect. I have had to speak to Police and Social services since my daughter was born and it was agreed that he can see her as long as I am there. My partner was initially ok with that.
But lately its been eating away at him, with no one to talk as we have kept it between us, his drinking more, not sleeping etc. I have been trying to support him but he just thinks im protecting my Brother which I am not I just think he deserves a 2nd chance.
Anyone else had this issue, how did you help. I have suggested he speak to a professional via this site but he said he shouldn't have to as its all his fault not ours.
Such a difficult position to be in. I am caught in the middle. I don't know how to deal with this
We have kept this 'secret' to protect us more than him but since having my daughter in July 2024, my partner has struggled with this as if it happened today. Myself and my Mum has chosen to support my Brother as he has no one else. My partner chose to have nothing to do with him which I respect. I have had to speak to Police and Social services since my daughter was born and it was agreed that he can see her as long as I am there. My partner was initially ok with that.
But lately its been eating away at him, with no one to talk as we have kept it between us, his drinking more, not sleeping etc. I have been trying to support him but he just thinks im protecting my Brother which I am not I just think he deserves a 2nd chance.
Anyone else had this issue, how did you help. I have suggested he speak to a professional via this site but he said he shouldn't have to as its all his fault not ours.
Such a difficult position to be in. I am caught in the middle. I don't know how to deal with this
So sorry you're finding yourself in this situation!
You may not like hearing it, but I'd suspect this will be a case of you having to choose, specifically between your marriage and doubling down on advocating for your brother to see your daughter.
There's only one sensible solution IMO: if your marriage ends your husband could well push for sole custody with limited visitation rights for yourself by saying "she's protecting a child sex offender", which in today's climate would not be an easy legal fight to win. No one will ultimately gain from that.
I'd tell your brother that you're very sorry, but your husband is serious about not being OK with him seeing your daughter, and it's a source of growing resentment in your marriage to boot. If your brother truly loves you and his niece he'll understand; after all, it's merely a natural consequence of his past choices.
On another note, don't ever stick by someone because "they have no one else", but only because you value them as a person despite their shortcomings and feel they bring positivity (or at least not the opposite) to your life.
Once your daughter is 18 she could make a decision for herself as to whether or not to get to know her uncle. What I will say in this regard is her dad should NOT try to poison her mind against him by trying to portray him as the face of evil or something (as may often happen). Just keep him away without a fuss and go about your family life the best you can, because ultimately your daughter's well-being and happiness is paramount above all else.
Wish you the best of luck and lots of love!
You may not like hearing it, but I'd suspect this will be a case of you having to choose, specifically between your marriage and doubling down on advocating for your brother to see your daughter.
There's only one sensible solution IMO: if your marriage ends your husband could well push for sole custody with limited visitation rights for yourself by saying "she's protecting a child sex offender", which in today's climate would not be an easy legal fight to win. No one will ultimately gain from that.
I'd tell your brother that you're very sorry, but your husband is serious about not being OK with him seeing your daughter, and it's a source of growing resentment in your marriage to boot. If your brother truly loves you and his niece he'll understand; after all, it's merely a natural consequence of his past choices.
On another note, don't ever stick by someone because "they have no one else", but only because you value them as a person despite their shortcomings and feel they bring positivity (or at least not the opposite) to your life.
Once your daughter is 18 she could make a decision for herself as to whether or not to get to know her uncle. What I will say in this regard is her dad should NOT try to poison her mind against him by trying to portray him as the face of evil or something (as may often happen). Just keep him away without a fuss and go about your family life the best you can, because ultimately your daughter's well-being and happiness is paramount above all else.
Wish you the best of luck and lots of love!
Yes iam supporting my oh and all the rest of family want nothing to do with him Christmas is going to be very strange just the 2 of us
Then got court the 5th January you can private message if u like
Then got court the 5th January you can private message if u like
I think the best solution is for you to maintain a relationship with your brother, but for him to not see your daughter. The former is your choice (and I think the right choice for what its worth), the latter is a choice for both you and your partner, and clearly your partner is uncomfortable with it (which is understandable).