Changing supervision rules - where to start?
Notifications OFFIve managed to carry on with this weird new normal (never relaxing, always on edge hyper-vigilant etc) but at least knew he wasn't going to prison.
He's made huge changes and we're getting on so much better, and the family is at peace as long as no one wakes the elephant in the room. But sometimes that happens.
Social services closed our file before sentencing on the basis I would continue to supervise all contact. Which I do. They've also rejected an attempt by his probation officer to get a review of those rules, and reiterated to me and him that the only way they'll consider changing anything is following an official, ie legal process.
I'm somewhat neutral on the issue of changing the rules, insofar as I can cope with the current setup and certainly won't be initiating a change for my own sake. There are also situations I would absolutely always supervise - eg going swimming, bedtimes etc. They obviously don't have friends over when he's visiting.
But my eldest daughter is a young teen, loves going into town on the bus etc and would dearly love to go in with her dad for a hot chocolate and a chat. He's here 6 evenings a week (supervised by me) but this is something that she'd like in addition.
it feels fairly low risk to me. I'm very aware that he was offending without me having a clue about it so my risk perception isn't 'expert / psychic'. But they'd be on a public bus and in a public cafe. Surrounded by people.
His view is that he could say it was a coincidence that they'd 'bumped into each other going into town and decided to hang out'. I've said that's devious and underhand, and if eg a teacher saw we'd end up with SW back involved. It's hugely triggering for me to discuss with him and the kids, as it forces me to remember what he's done to us, and to the girls he messaged with, and I spiral etc.
For my daughter's sake though, she's so so sad about what she's lost. I do wonder if it's something SW would consider, and if so how to go about reopening things.
any advice much appreciated xx
I think the main issue from a ss standpoint would be that as your children get older they are closer to the age of the victims and that increases the risk.
They shouldn't have dismissed the PO attempt to make changes really, unless that was done early post sentencing. His PO and/or offender manager are better placed than ss to assess his current risk level.
You could contact ss and ask them to reopen to discuss unsupervised within the community for your older daughter as she has requested this. Try to get as much information from PO and offender manager first about his risk level and their views first as their support should be taken into consideration. I have a four year old and unsupervised was granted in February by putting forward a gradual plan and it being backed by offender manager xxx
Hi, it’s good to hear from you, and I’m really glad that life has settled down for you. My son’s SHPO states ‘no unsupervised contact with anyone under 18 unless agreed by Social Services and the parents.’ He’s now in the process of applying for unsupervised contact with his own children.
The request was first made by his offender manager (ViSOR), who submitted it formally to Social Services. This meant SS had to open a case and respond within a set timeframe. A social worker was assigned to the children, and they were assessed both at school and in our home, as we currently provide the supervised contact.
This time, our experience with Social Services has been so much better than the first time. My son has been kept informed throughout, and the social worker and his offender manager are working together to find a way forward. His ex-wife is included in all decision-making, and the children’s school is also involved in the assessment process.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.