Family and Friends Forum

I feel your pain my husband was sentenced on thursday and it was only reported today online paper not sure if it's in another paper. It's all over facebook. Feel absolutely sick. Only had 3 people reach out to me but in a positive way.

All I can say is stay strong and some how we can get through this xxxx

Thinking of you and sending positive vibes Stardust (and Ren too).

My beautiful ladies, it's horrible, its devastating and it's just not necessary. You deserve your privacy. My first piece of advice is deactivate Facebook, have a friend or family member keep an eye to report any abuse. Most are keyboard warriors and wont say a thing to you. I had death threats, threats of abuse and even threatened with rape. Apparently what I deserve, idiots! Keep a note of anything said to you and inform the police. They may not be able to do much but let them know. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.



Stay safe and please please talk to me if you need anything. BlueSally on mumsnet.

Sending big hug xx

Hi Stardust and Ren. First of all, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that when none of it was your fault. Partners get horribly punished during this process.

Do you mind me asking a question? Some people on here seemed to get no publicity and others it was everywhere.

Do you live in a city, or a town or village? I'm just wondering if it's worst in smaller communities than in a city where I suppose there's so much for reporters to write about.



I'll be facing this in the coming weeks as his first court appearance is 2 weeks away. That's the Magistrates Court and the solicitor says that'll be quick. It's still possible it'll get reported then, but most people on here have said it's after sentence in the Crown Court.

Any experiences any one has had might help me prepare for this

Hi stardust, like your needed that on top of everything else, are you moving far away?

Please take yourself off social media even if it's just for a little while, don't torture yourself looking at it but report to the police if you are threatened in anyway.

Ann - the coverage just depends on the day Anna what else is happening in the courts, it's the luck of the draw if it goes public or not. Personally I don't see what our how this kind of publicity helps anyone, it's a terrible thing on top of everything else you have to deal with

Thinking of you all xx

Ann, smaller places with their local papers tend to get more coverage especially if the offender is in a position of responsibility such as teacher, charity worker or in health care. This sells more papers.

Cities dont seem to publish as many "little cases" as bigger news is going on.

You just have to hope bigger stories are happening which is horrible.

Reporters can get access to basic court files even if not in attendance.

I survived though a media storm so you can too x

My god, I’m dreading this. I’m thinking I should move away, to a diff part of the city at least. Ladies, your strength is incredible and is helping me through right now. X

Hi ladies not sure of this helps but I live in a city and i am not even aware if it was in the actual papers but its was on their website and got shared on facebook. It's been three days now since it all came out and I must say I feel the best I have in the last 19 months. Think this is because the fear of people finding out has gone. The neighbour's know too but haven't said anything to us. Xx

Hope this helps xx

What I am really pissed stone is that my nieces have turned their back on my mum.she isnt allowed to see here great grandchildren because she is standing by me and my husband. I feel horried that they have chosen to do this. And really cant understand why they would to he honest but what would I know I dont have children of my own.

Hey lee1969 thank you for the message. It's just frustrating that people are so narrow minded. My closed friend has been brilliant and she has children of her own and says that she would have no problem of my husband visiting because she knows us. Next step is work not idea how people are going to react to me. Xx

I think I would feel relieved if it came out, like everyone says, what else is left to fear?

He is still refusing to tell our family before the court and just gambling it won't get reported. I found the hand outs about disclosure so I hope it might help.



from LF today

Well I dont think I can return to work. Not sure what to do now. It came out on saturday and just popped into talk to one of the managers that I am close to and it's just horried what the staff and customers are saying about me ( I work in a supermarket).

I am off sick at the moment but the manager is just worried about my return and what repercussions maybe. I just dont know what to do. Feel so fed up today after that meeting.

Can anyone give me their experience on going back to work?

I'm sorry Ren you are going through this I wonder if your employer/manager could either give you a behind the scenes role for a while or perhaps relocate you making reasonable adjustments. Your news will soon be old and people will have something else better to talk about. Sending you huge virtual hugs xx

Think I must of been a bit naive about people. I clearly thought too much of them. It's just ashame that I may have to leave a job I enjoy and place that I liked working at. Just really sad by them all. I haven't done anything wrong and I dont feel ashamed of my actions just really sad. Felt brilliant yesterday.

Ren I really feel for you. If I were you I'd stay in your job if you can. You haven't done anything why should you suffer. I'd definitely be asking for work in the stockroom or back office for a couple of weeks until the tak dies down. If you like your job stick with it, they've no right to ask you to leave or make work difficult for you.

Stay strong x

Thank you ladies for all the kind words, support and encouragement it means alot right now and I hope I can do this and send out the same love to others in the same situation. Xxx

I am so scared of this. My dad is still under investigation and there are no charges yet, but there will be. Im having nightmares and can't sleep because I fear another knock even though people are saying there is not going to be one. It's been a year and 4 months and i didnt realise this was going to be a horrible black spot on so much of my life, i am sick of internalising the shame and guilt and fear when i have done nothing wrong. when i was a small child, i saw something on his computer that i never said anything about,i hoped i was mistaken. I just want to protect my little brother and move away with my mum, but hate that i have to and still love my dad. I hate it. does anyone think I should pressure my dad to change his last name? will that work to keep me and my family safe?

I have not long recovered from long term mental health issues and feel like if it was exposed, it would make me not want to carry on with my life. I am only 21 and starting a career that i have worked hard for but would likely be ruined by this coming out.

x

Sephy1234 I am sorry that you are going this xxx sending big hugs and I would suggest that you call the help line or maybe see your gp if this is how you are feeling. Xx

Hello Sephy

Your post sounds like your in a very dark place...please phone the help line, its there for you to speak to someone about all of your fears.

Its stating the obvious but this is NOT your fault and you will not be punished simply by association. You have mentioned the press, its very hit and miss who gets in the papers... Sometimes is simply bad luck due to nothing more exciting being reported, other times its the crime itself.. The more images the more interest, if its communication offences or grooming how old was the child or alleged decoy, what had the offender done, sent pre arranged... etc

Your Dad could change his name however its sometimes reported by the press as Jo Bloggs previously known as Jo Cloggs...

Please phone and speak with one of the wonderful advisors..

Best wishes...

thank you for the supporting messages xx

I have tried to call the helpline today and yesterday but can't get through. I just want some answers. I'm so angry with the way the police handle it with no regard for how it affects other members of the family particularly when there's mentally vulnerable people. because of my age I just feel like everyone i know is constantly on social media and has clickbait news on their feeds all the time and if it does get in the press everyone will know. doubt i will keep my job working with people, so what's the point in anything. It makes me so angry that the press can report it and punish the families. i just don;t understand how it is allowed, we are going through enough and don't need to be publicly bashed for something we didn't do

In my ex husband's case it went in the local paper and online paper after the first magistrates court, it was then all over Facebook, over the months before the court case I removed all photos of me and my daughter on Facebook and also changed my name. All the threats on Facebook were for my ex, people were kind and supportive towards me, but that's because I split with him the day of the knock and managed to get a quick divorce ( 6 months)

Im new here although quite far down the line in this hell. My husband has been sentenced and while we were happy that there was no media in the court room it got into papers anyway because of the DC who was running the case. In yhe article was nothing about yhe sentecing itself as they cant report on something they havent heard but only interview with DC! And my question is how come police is allowed to do this even when they apparently have duty of care! He knew Im still with my husband and we have 2 kids so how come it is ok to put me and my kids who havent done anything in risk of harm? Of course now my husbands job will be affected as he probably wony be able to go back to work. So how being alone at home should help to rehabilitate??? Why the "smart" ppl cant see how wrong it is? Im sorry but at the moment I just cant find better words to describe how angry, hurt and disappointed I am in this whole system. How come some police officer can decide that will absolutely destroy my life. I havent done anything neither my kids. They put me in the state that I don't really see a reason anymore to carry on with all this as it feels that we have no right to live anyway. Why they are not sentencing for possession to death straight away, entire family cause we have nothing left anyway. How to go through this hell?

Hello Surrounded..

So sorry to read your post today. Please speak with the helpline...

I don't understand why some police officers do off the cuff press interviews, maybe for some it's a big ego trip, look how wonderful I am, this will help with my promotion prospects et

What they fail to see is the collateral damage they cause to the families who are VICTIMS as well... But society seems to ignore this fact. I wish I could help more... Maybe contacting his Sergeant or Inspector and explaining the damage he/she has caused may help future incidents and hopefully educate investigators to think before they open their big mouths.

Our case wasnt anywhere in the court on the lists either as we had to ask which court room is it going to be held. The worse thing is that even when I asked solicitors about it they told me that this is normal for the media to be present in court so total ignorance. Fair enough if they would be in the court room but they weren't. I also havent seen anything on the police officer on the day stating that he is from the police or even if how the person from the media would know to speak to him? On that day there was huge case about murder so all the papers had things to write about so I dont believe that sb has approached him on the way out from court. He just did it himself and that is shocking. My husband has Aspergers syndrome so anxiety and depression are qyite normal for him anyway and now its ecen worse. Wonder if our lovely officer would be held responsible if my husband would hurt himself! At the moment I just cant call anyone cause I am unable to keep conversation in a professional manner. I really could hurt this guy and no one will tell me that police and all the officials know what they doing cause it looks like they dont have a clue. I just don't know what to do know? Where to start? How to rebuild our life?

So looks like there is no hope. That police can do whatever they want with our lives and we can't do anything about it cause no one cares

Hi Stardust,

Firstly, a massive hug. This happened to me last June. It went online and on social media and I haven't been back on FB since. The LF helpline helpfully told me to deactivate FBZ prior to his case. Unfortunately, the major thing that happened is that he lost his job and can't find another job for love nor money. You will get through this awful time, we all need to stick together and look after each other. When it first went online I was bombarded with good wishes from people. It's only now, 9 months later, when he's still under my roof that people don't quite know what to make of me. This is a hideous experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but boy have I grown as a person. I hope people are kind, stay strong and be kind to yourself.

Oh my days ladies just caught up with this feed and I am absolutely shocked!! There is only one place officer that I am pissed at and it's more to do with how she held herself and spoke to me on my husbands second arrest. The rest of the team and the ppu officer that we have are fantastic.

We had to call the police out at the weekend as a neighbour set our car on fire and again they responded very quickly and apprehended they guy straight away (he is currently in prison awaiting sentancing). They sent 2 police cars and 2 police Van's and at 15 police officer. The ones that took our statements were fantastic. They didnt judge us and the one who took my statement even said there 2 sides to every story they have been given a brief outline on what has gone on and think they know everything.



Sorry you guys haven't had the same experience I have had. Big hugs ladies xxx