I don't enjoy life!
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I don't enjoy this life that I have ended up with and I'm so jealous of normal people with normal families and normal lives. It's been 4 years since the knock and around 2 1/2 since sentencing and honestly when I think back now, if I had been brave enough, I would have left.
If you are at the start of this awful journey, please seriously consider the option of leaving. You don't deserve what's coming and it's not your fault.
The stigma after these crimes is unbearable on partners and children. I've written about it before, it doesn't ease with time, I am the woman that stayed and I always will be. I don't feel as if I fit in anywhere.
People say to me, to ignore the judgement and don't worry about the people that choose not to speak to me but I can't. I think about going along to a local group or joining a new workplace and I know straight away if I am recognised that I will not be welcome because of who my partner is. I'm told I'm over thinking it but how can I be when some of my oldest friends no longer speak to me because of this.
I can no longer speak about him being a great man, the best dad, someone I've been with for half my life that's always treated me well because none of that matters anymore. He's also has a conviction for a child sexual offence so everything else is irrelevant. There's certain family members that I don't say his name around because I worry they will feel uncomfortable. I know people speak about us, like we're nothing.
People say I would feel the same if it was someone else that I knew but honestly, I wouldn't. There are people on my street that are more of a risk to society than my OH they just don't have a conviction.
I want to go for a coffee with another mum that will not judge me and will let my kid play with her kid. I want my child to have a birthday party because they've never had one before because all this crap happened when they were a baby. I want to have a family BBQ in the garden and invite people that will show up and for my teenager to have his friends around for tea and play xbox. I want my life back, I want to be normal again.
Journalists have no idea what there 'stories' do to the families.
My OH is long off the register, his sentence was short but I still live like this. Looking for a new home with 0 neighbours so that I don't have to live around people that hate me even if it isolates me more.
And yes I could leave, but would we be happier, no! He would be heartbroken, I would be miserable and my kids would not have their amazing dad all of the time, our broken family would be even more broken. I try so hard to hold it all together but I have tears in my eyes on the school run, seeing all the other mums chatting together. I don't even speak to other kids anymore, I feel so uncomfortable even acknowledging a child. I'm going to the nativity by myself even though there's nothing stopping my OH from going. I think of all the men going to the nativity or parent contact meeting's or still getting invited to family weddings because they weren't in the paper and no one knows.
Sorry for the rant, I feel so stuck
If you are at the start of this awful journey, please seriously consider the option of leaving. You don't deserve what's coming and it's not your fault.
The stigma after these crimes is unbearable on partners and children. I've written about it before, it doesn't ease with time, I am the woman that stayed and I always will be. I don't feel as if I fit in anywhere.
People say to me, to ignore the judgement and don't worry about the people that choose not to speak to me but I can't. I think about going along to a local group or joining a new workplace and I know straight away if I am recognised that I will not be welcome because of who my partner is. I'm told I'm over thinking it but how can I be when some of my oldest friends no longer speak to me because of this.
I can no longer speak about him being a great man, the best dad, someone I've been with for half my life that's always treated me well because none of that matters anymore. He's also has a conviction for a child sexual offence so everything else is irrelevant. There's certain family members that I don't say his name around because I worry they will feel uncomfortable. I know people speak about us, like we're nothing.
People say I would feel the same if it was someone else that I knew but honestly, I wouldn't. There are people on my street that are more of a risk to society than my OH they just don't have a conviction.
I want to go for a coffee with another mum that will not judge me and will let my kid play with her kid. I want my child to have a birthday party because they've never had one before because all this crap happened when they were a baby. I want to have a family BBQ in the garden and invite people that will show up and for my teenager to have his friends around for tea and play xbox. I want my life back, I want to be normal again.
Journalists have no idea what there 'stories' do to the families.
My OH is long off the register, his sentence was short but I still live like this. Looking for a new home with 0 neighbours so that I don't have to live around people that hate me even if it isolates me more.
And yes I could leave, but would we be happier, no! He would be heartbroken, I would be miserable and my kids would not have their amazing dad all of the time, our broken family would be even more broken. I try so hard to hold it all together but I have tears in my eyes on the school run, seeing all the other mums chatting together. I don't even speak to other kids anymore, I feel so uncomfortable even acknowledging a child. I'm going to the nativity by myself even though there's nothing stopping my OH from going. I think of all the men going to the nativity or parent contact meeting's or still getting invited to family weddings because they weren't in the paper and no one knows.
Sorry for the rant, I feel so stuck
I hear you. I'm not where you are yet in this process and you sum up my worst fears for the future.
You sound incredibly strong for sticking out what you believe to have been the right choices when you made them and facing the societal judgement and lack of understanding.
I just wanted to let you know you'd been heard, if you're posting late it's probably playing on your mind tonight and sometimes even if a post is written as a vent to let out some of those swarming thoughts and emotions, I know I like to feel heard.
I really hope you enjoy your nativity when you watch it.
You sound incredibly strong for sticking out what you believe to have been the right choices when you made them and facing the societal judgement and lack of understanding.
I just wanted to let you know you'd been heard, if you're posting late it's probably playing on your mind tonight and sometimes even if a post is written as a vent to let out some of those swarming thoughts and emotions, I know I like to feel heard.
I really hope you enjoy your nativity when you watch it.
Sometimes I have to have a rant, this is the only place I can do it really, thank you for reading. I've reached out to stop it now to see if they can 'match' me with some ladies that have young children, have stayed and experienced media but it seems we all have to stay anonymous. I don't know anyone just like me. Some others say that their lives are split to before the knock and after the knock, I don't think I felt that until a lot later on but it's very true.
Hey lovely I am not on here often now if you still have my number please reach out to me, In our situation its my oh thats very much the one who wants to move away who cant face people who keeps his head down the stigma from this crime with media attention doesn't leave us, I am ao lucky my daughter is a little older and has friends who haven't stopped coming round the house, in our case it feels like many have forgotten,but in oh eyes he is still seen as a momster, I came off social media as found other cases a huge trigger to me and opened old wounds, oh continues with his psychologist on a monthly basis who is working with him trying to realise he isnt a bad man, I seem to be a trigger when i try to tell him that so I leave it to the expert which has taken a lot of pressure off me its hard being the reassuring one for so long, family wise nothing much has changed except one family member and I have made peace with it and respect there choices, it has made my daughter resent them a little but we barely seen them anyway, I get the odd text checking in with us now and again and I leave it at that, for everyone who has had media attention its the association with the person and crime I feel.
I count myself lucky that my kids were older so really the only person affected by my decision to leave was me. My decision to leave was partly my kids not wanting anything do with their dad and if I stayed my relationship with them would be strained. I also firmly believe that his offending would never truly go away. Took me a while to come to that decision.
My frats of being unable to cope emotionally and financially were unfounded. I am far stronger than I thought. My support network of friends and work have been amazing.
If anyone asks I am open about why my 35 year marriage ended. I've got nothing to be ashamed about - I did nothing wrong.
I am happier than I thought I would be and looking forward and not backwards.
I feel no hate. Just disappointment. I cannot forgive him for what he has done to his mum. He didn't have the balls to turn up to his father's funeral. I don't need that in my life - was pleased to receive my divorce papers in the post yesterday.
But that is just my situation and understand everyone is different.
Be kind to yourself. You will work it out.
My frats of being unable to cope emotionally and financially were unfounded. I am far stronger than I thought. My support network of friends and work have been amazing.
If anyone asks I am open about why my 35 year marriage ended. I've got nothing to be ashamed about - I did nothing wrong.
I am happier than I thought I would be and looking forward and not backwards.
I feel no hate. Just disappointment. I cannot forgive him for what he has done to his mum. He didn't have the balls to turn up to his father's funeral. I don't need that in my life - was pleased to receive my divorce papers in the post yesterday.
But that is just my situation and understand everyone is different.
Be kind to yourself. You will work it out.
Hi lovely Ive pm u xx
Oh my heart just breaks for you reading this because I empathise with it so much, even though we are not past plea/sentencing yet. I also have young kids and just feel that awkwardness amongst casual acquaintances (I do feel comfortable around my real friends), do they blame me too, do they think I condone this type of behaviour etc. I feel guilty by association but have no idea if that's all in my head or reality.