Is anyone out there like me?
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I am nervous about coming on here but it's for support to find out if anyone is in a similar boat....
I the knock happened last year when I was 8mths pregnant, now a year on we have a nearly 1 year old, and I am scared......scared for our future......I may seem crazy to some people but I am staying with my fiance, as he isnt evil or a threat, he only started the online behaviour 5 years ago a year before we met, after he had been physically attacked and lost vision in his eye.
I'm scared at what will happen if he gets sentenced to time inside, he still hasnt told his parents......my parents know everything and have been supporting us with the no staying in the house over night bail condition......we are supposed to be getting married this year and I have to tell my bridesmaids about my fiances problem, one of my best friends is no longer coming to the wedding blaming him for not being at her best friends wedding......another best friend is very supportive and I so wish everyone could have my second best friends response but I know it wont be the case.
I also feel so frustrated as a lot of people on my side know......his friends and family no.......how can I help him speak about it to his family?
One thing I do know is there will probably be less people coming to our wedding because of the knock.
I'm sorry if I am making no sense......I kind of want to know if there is anyone out there who is like me with a young child and have stayed?? xx
I the knock happened last year when I was 8mths pregnant, now a year on we have a nearly 1 year old, and I am scared......scared for our future......I may seem crazy to some people but I am staying with my fiance, as he isnt evil or a threat, he only started the online behaviour 5 years ago a year before we met, after he had been physically attacked and lost vision in his eye.
I'm scared at what will happen if he gets sentenced to time inside, he still hasnt told his parents......my parents know everything and have been supporting us with the no staying in the house over night bail condition......we are supposed to be getting married this year and I have to tell my bridesmaids about my fiances problem, one of my best friends is no longer coming to the wedding blaming him for not being at her best friends wedding......another best friend is very supportive and I so wish everyone could have my second best friends response but I know it wont be the case.
I also feel so frustrated as a lot of people on my side know......his friends and family no.......how can I help him speak about it to his family?
One thing I do know is there will probably be less people coming to our wedding because of the knock.
I'm sorry if I am making no sense......I kind of want to know if there is anyone out there who is like me with a young child and have stayed?? xx
Hi spider,
i have chosen not to stay ( I have a son from previous relationship and am expecting a baby girl in June)
I decided not to stay as I do not know the extent of what he has done, only that it involves viewing images of children being abused and that he sought out dark things online. The police won’t trll me and to be quite honest I do t think I could cope with knowing in my condition.
That said I completely understand why you are sticking by your husband. I don’t think my ex is evil either, but he was a part of something evil and I could never trust him after this.
My heart goes out to you. Please try and stay strong. There are many ladies here who can advise you more than me. X
i have chosen not to stay ( I have a son from previous relationship and am expecting a baby girl in June)
I decided not to stay as I do not know the extent of what he has done, only that it involves viewing images of children being abused and that he sought out dark things online. The police won’t trll me and to be quite honest I do t think I could cope with knowing in my condition.
That said I completely understand why you are sticking by your husband. I don’t think my ex is evil either, but he was a part of something evil and I could never trust him after this.
My heart goes out to you. Please try and stay strong. There are many ladies here who can advise you more than me. X
Hi Spider...
Sorry to read you are are now a member of this unwanted club...
First thing no one is judgemental, some partners leave others stay, some divorce others remain married... This is YOUR decision no one else's... No one is living your life or dealing with this nightmare.
I stayed with my partner but only after I got disclosure of everything he had done and more importantly what the police forensics had found and what he was being charged with. He was deeply remorseful and a shamed of what happened. The truth is difficult to understand but it's necessary to move forward.
I found out about evidence the police had recovered by speaking personally with my partners solicitor... I had to get permission off him but that was a no Brainerd because if he hadn't I would have left immediately.
The solicitor showed me the charge sheet, forensic report and probation assessment.
This proved that he had been honest, the images were not pre-pubescent but of teenagers... Still absolutely wrong as a child in the uk is anyone under 18.
So my advice is to get him to be honest about what he has done and verify what he has said by speaking alone with his solicitor.
Best wishes...
Sorry to read you are are now a member of this unwanted club...
First thing no one is judgemental, some partners leave others stay, some divorce others remain married... This is YOUR decision no one else's... No one is living your life or dealing with this nightmare.
I stayed with my partner but only after I got disclosure of everything he had done and more importantly what the police forensics had found and what he was being charged with. He was deeply remorseful and a shamed of what happened. The truth is difficult to understand but it's necessary to move forward.
I found out about evidence the police had recovered by speaking personally with my partners solicitor... I had to get permission off him but that was a no Brainerd because if he hadn't I would have left immediately.
The solicitor showed me the charge sheet, forensic report and probation assessment.
This proved that he had been honest, the images were not pre-pubescent but of teenagers... Still absolutely wrong as a child in the uk is anyone under 18.
So my advice is to get him to be honest about what he has done and verify what he has said by speaking alone with his solicitor.
Best wishes...
Can I just ask snowdrop at what stage of the process did you get the disclosure? I've been told by his investigating officer that she would do the same for me but he's been informed of his charges and nobody's been in contact with me? I know she's now on maternity leave but surely her colleagues are aware? I wasn't sure I wanted details but now it's getting closer I feel I need to know, I've also asked my social worker to be present when I'm given the details x
Hi JB
I got my partner to tell his solicitor that he had no issues with me seeing him alone. A date was then agreed for me to meet his solicitor at is office and this done appropriately one week before the proposed court date. This meeting was one to one and I was able to read the police report and see the forensic analysis of devices checked.
On the day of his trial after my partner had been in consultation with his QC, I again spoke to the barrister without my partner being present... In court I was able to read the probation report and ask questions to satisfy my own concerns regarding his offences, his risk and prospects of going to prison.
Hope this has helped... If anyone on here has doubts to their partners truthfulness, honesty or disclosure then please speak with his solicitor and get the facts from the horse's mouth...
Best wishes
I got my partner to tell his solicitor that he had no issues with me seeing him alone. A date was then agreed for me to meet his solicitor at is office and this done appropriately one week before the proposed court date. This meeting was one to one and I was able to read the police report and see the forensic analysis of devices checked.
On the day of his trial after my partner had been in consultation with his QC, I again spoke to the barrister without my partner being present... In court I was able to read the probation report and ask questions to satisfy my own concerns regarding his offences, his risk and prospects of going to prison.
Hope this has helped... If anyone on here has doubts to their partners truthfulness, honesty or disclosure then please speak with his solicitor and get the facts from the horse's mouth...
Best wishes