Finally, after two years
Notifications OFF
so finally after two years after getting the knock the police messaged my OH yesterday and asked him to meet up with him today which he did. my OH has now been informed that he's going to be charged with two offences relating to what he has done. I won't go into detail but obviously that's why I'm on here. The police officer has said he feels it will be dealt with in magistrates court as my OH has been getting lots of helping support on the Lucy faithful foundation. however, he came round my house afterwards and informed me that he sure he can get through all this as long as he has the support of me and his mother I was just basically going on about what help he needed and support he needed and while I understand that yes he does need help and support as I pointed out to him. What about the help and support his mother and I need to.
this is the second time he's offended first time I wasn't with him when he did it but I'm really I'm not sure how I feel or how to go forward with this or even if I want to go forward with him I feel so so confused and so muddle I don't know what to do and his mother is telling me I need to stand by him and support him. I have already lost so much because of what he did in the past and I don't see why I should be standing by him again now I've seen it in black-and-white on his charge sheet It's really brought it all home to me again x
this is the second time he's offended first time I wasn't with him when he did it but I'm really I'm not sure how I feel or how to go forward with this or even if I want to go forward with him I feel so so confused and so muddle I don't know what to do and his mother is telling me I need to stand by him and support him. I have already lost so much because of what he did in the past and I don't see why I should be standing by him again now I've seen it in black-and-white on his charge sheet It's really brought it all home to me again x
Hi didn't want to just skip by as your situation is totally different to mine so can't offer any advice. Just wanted to send a hug I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you in time x
My first thought was this is the second time - when will the third time be. Sorry for being negative. My husband offended once but I felt like the offence would never fully go away, I would constantly be watching carefully and I no longer trusted him.
But we are all different and make our own decisions - all I would say is don't rush in making a decision - and look after yourself
But we are all different and make our own decisions - all I would say is don't rush in making a decision - and look after yourself
You're completely valid in how you're feeling and you don't have an obligation to stand by and support someone who didn't consider you or the consequences for you when they committed a crime not once but twice.
Don't let his mother push you into thinking you're in any way a bad person for not staying, you are not a bad person, you did not commit the crime, you have had this forced into your life, without your consent by someone else's selfishness. He has done this a second time knowing the devastating consequences for you and he's totally disregarded you and your life when he made that decision. And I know all the 'addiction' theorists will say he 'couldn't help it' but even if that's true (I am not a believer in this theory), he could of told you and given you the option of whether you wanted to stay, instead he offended, hid it and waited to be found out/arrested what does that say about the value that he places on your well being? Plus if he's been through it before he very much knew about all the avenues of help open to him before reoffending and chose not to take them how could you ever trust that he would be able to take them in the future.
Let him mother do the supporting if she wants to. Don't lose anymore of your light and life to a man who values your safety and wellbeing so poorly.
Don't let his mother push you into thinking you're in any way a bad person for not staying, you are not a bad person, you did not commit the crime, you have had this forced into your life, without your consent by someone else's selfishness. He has done this a second time knowing the devastating consequences for you and he's totally disregarded you and your life when he made that decision. And I know all the 'addiction' theorists will say he 'couldn't help it' but even if that's true (I am not a believer in this theory), he could of told you and given you the option of whether you wanted to stay, instead he offended, hid it and waited to be found out/arrested what does that say about the value that he places on your well being? Plus if he's been through it before he very much knew about all the avenues of help open to him before reoffending and chose not to take them how could you ever trust that he would be able to take them in the future.
Let him mother do the supporting if she wants to. Don't lose anymore of your light and life to a man who values your safety and wellbeing so poorly.
His mother has no business whatsoever telling you what to do. This is your choice. Personally I wouldn't stay around to wait for the third time.
It is honestly yours and only your opinion on whether you want to stay or not that matters. Don't stay for anyone else but for the reason except that YOU want to stay with them.
It's been two years since the knock and we are divorcing. My mother in law recently had a major go at me because she thinks I didn't try hard enough to forgive him and support him. He continued to lie to me even after he was caught and still bombards me with messages about how much he misses me and do I remember then time when .... he uses memories to guilt trip me. Basically they both blame me for his current situation because I won't take him back.
i also he the addiction card from his mum, saying that he couldn't help himself and it wasn't his fault.
i also he the addiction card from his mum, saying that he couldn't help himself and it wasn't his fault.