Will there ever be a chance to be together again?
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It feels like forever since I've been on here and tbh after some seing some posts that touched way too close to home I've kind of been avoiding this forum but come back now to see if anyone has any experience or answers.
long story short I've basicly been blackmailed into leaving my husband by SS, ultimately the choice was mine to leave and I did have valid reasons to leave other than the IIOC, but I admit it hasn't been easy. There will always be a part of me that loves my ex and I feel what's making it harder is that its more we couldn't get back together even if we wanted to or they'll take my child away.
I've been told this outright that even if it was years later- my ex has now finished his sentence, that if we got back together they'd take us to court to remove my child.
I get what my ex did was extrememly wrong, but he would NEVER hurt any child, even the police have said SS have overstepped the mark and feel this is going too far, they've lowered his risk level but that doesn't seem to matter in the eyes of SS.
my case is looking to be closed within the next couple of months but what does that really mean? I feel that even if I waited until my case was closed that if I did decide to reunite with my ex then they would swoop in- even if I moved away.
I just feel stuck, I've tried dating again but its just not clicking and I feel it's unfair for the other person (not even going to mention the genuine creeps that have tried talking to me too). I feel like deep down, if I could get back with my ex I would but I know that we can't so I don't know why I'm hanging on for. But if I go back then I'm not a protective parent so yeah, I don't know.
Has anyone else had SS be like this with them either?
long story short I've basicly been blackmailed into leaving my husband by SS, ultimately the choice was mine to leave and I did have valid reasons to leave other than the IIOC, but I admit it hasn't been easy. There will always be a part of me that loves my ex and I feel what's making it harder is that its more we couldn't get back together even if we wanted to or they'll take my child away.
I've been told this outright that even if it was years later- my ex has now finished his sentence, that if we got back together they'd take us to court to remove my child.
I get what my ex did was extrememly wrong, but he would NEVER hurt any child, even the police have said SS have overstepped the mark and feel this is going too far, they've lowered his risk level but that doesn't seem to matter in the eyes of SS.
my case is looking to be closed within the next couple of months but what does that really mean? I feel that even if I waited until my case was closed that if I did decide to reunite with my ex then they would swoop in- even if I moved away.
I just feel stuck, I've tried dating again but its just not clicking and I feel it's unfair for the other person (not even going to mention the genuine creeps that have tried talking to me too). I feel like deep down, if I could get back with my ex I would but I know that we can't so I don't know why I'm hanging on for. But if I go back then I'm not a protective parent so yeah, I don't know.
Has anyone else had SS be like this with them either?
It is very hard to fall out of love with someone, especially when their are the father of your child and you have so many happy memories and feelings that conflict with what your loved one has been doing. The part that really hit me was that I actually didn't know what this person had been doing, he lied to me, didn't share his feelings or communicate with me in the run up to his offending. I don't know if I could ever have prevented or stopped what they ended up doing but they didn't love me or what we had enough to resist/prevent or seek help. Worst of all when they were caught they didn't fully own up to it or actually put in any effort to fix it; bare minimum. I did everything I could and more when SS were involved and they just left it all to me. They didn't fight for our relationship that they'd ruined in the first place and tried to deflect back onto me rather than using it as a massive opportunity to change and prove they could be a much better person. That was a massive red flag for me; the disrespect even after everything I was doing to try claw back some normalcy. This is not the type of person I deserve, love was not enough. Do I still love them on some level; possibly but I can't trust them in a relationship so I shouldnt trust them with my child. I'd like to think they'd never intentionally harm them but I don't know for sure because they're a liar and I know they have dangerous online habits. That tiny bit of risk is too much. I can't face dating either but I'd rather be alone than trapped in a lie or risk having someone absolutely break my heart and almost ruin my life like my ex has. It's hard, your are grieving and it's a lot to process. Have you tried therapy or possibly something like grief counselling as it is a type of loss? I wish you lots of strength and future happiness x
I really feel you and my ex was pretty much the same, always tried to deny it, then when he couldn't he just wouldn't take accountability or even just say sorry for it all. It does make me feel like a fool at times, I loved this man more than anything, but he did all this- and more (not illegal) behind my back, and there's still days I wish I could be with him again?
Thankfully yes I've been working with an amazing therapist, one that specializes with cases like this and they've boosted my confidence enough to make me realise that I deserve more than this. But it's also important to recognise that it's normal and ok to miss him at times. Personally I think what really shook me up and got me leaning back to my ex is I tried to put myself out there, not so much dating but talking to people and there are some real dangerous phycos out there. I mean I had verbal abuse thrown at me just for not responding quick enough and it just made my head go "my ex might of done what he did, but he wasn't as bad as some of these people" and it's put me off entirely.
I just think that my ex was familiar, and being familiar is safe/comfortable, I've never been on a date or anything like that so trying to meet new people is 10x more scary. I have been taking steps to try and move on as much as I can, admittedly the holiday season has made things a bit trickier but just trying to take each day at a time x
Thankfully yes I've been working with an amazing therapist, one that specializes with cases like this and they've boosted my confidence enough to make me realise that I deserve more than this. But it's also important to recognise that it's normal and ok to miss him at times. Personally I think what really shook me up and got me leaning back to my ex is I tried to put myself out there, not so much dating but talking to people and there are some real dangerous phycos out there. I mean I had verbal abuse thrown at me just for not responding quick enough and it just made my head go "my ex might of done what he did, but he wasn't as bad as some of these people" and it's put me off entirely.
I just think that my ex was familiar, and being familiar is safe/comfortable, I've never been on a date or anything like that so trying to meet new people is 10x more scary. I have been taking steps to try and move on as much as I can, admittedly the holiday season has made things a bit trickier but just trying to take each day at a time x
Keeping hope
Ive not ventured into the dating world. I know I'm a bit fragile and couldn't take another heartbreak. Therapy might be a good idea. Do you mind sharing what the "topic" is I should look out for in a therapist? Is it just your average healing after betrayal or is there something specific to mention when trying to seek one out? I've been trying to pour all my effort into being a good mother and working on making myself happy in the hope that when I'm healed and can truly be myself the right person will see me for who I really am and they'll find me.
I have a good group of friends and amazing family a select few who know the full gory details and they've absolutely been life savers. My life is full of lovely peolple so I do feel that although I do miss what was and it takes a long time to adjust to being single after decades of being with my ex....I don't need it. I don't need the hassle and stress of someone I can't trust just because they're familiar and I "thought" I knew them. I'm also not willing to risk my new found peace for drama of someone new just yet.
Itll take time but I'm sure there is a rainbow at the end of this storm for us all. I'm sure you'll find someone; Hopefully we all know what our boundaries are and can spot some of the red flags after the experiences we've gone through.
Ive not ventured into the dating world. I know I'm a bit fragile and couldn't take another heartbreak. Therapy might be a good idea. Do you mind sharing what the "topic" is I should look out for in a therapist? Is it just your average healing after betrayal or is there something specific to mention when trying to seek one out? I've been trying to pour all my effort into being a good mother and working on making myself happy in the hope that when I'm healed and can truly be myself the right person will see me for who I really am and they'll find me.
I have a good group of friends and amazing family a select few who know the full gory details and they've absolutely been life savers. My life is full of lovely peolple so I do feel that although I do miss what was and it takes a long time to adjust to being single after decades of being with my ex....I don't need it. I don't need the hassle and stress of someone I can't trust just because they're familiar and I "thought" I knew them. I'm also not willing to risk my new found peace for drama of someone new just yet.
Itll take time but I'm sure there is a rainbow at the end of this storm for us all. I'm sure you'll find someone; Hopefully we all know what our boundaries are and can spot some of the red flags after the experiences we've gone through.