Family and Friends Forum

Hi, I want to say sorry you've had to join this club no wants to be in. I know it doesn't seem like it but everyone on the forum has a similar story.

I want to give you a little background. My husband and I got the knock 17months yesterday to the day. He was in court for plea hearing and is finally in court for sentencing on the 23rd of march. It was downloading iioc. In court yesterday it went better than we expected as the judge decided to tell him she won't be sending him to prison, but will more than likely an order and courses to do.

I stayed with my husband but I don't have children, his parent know but mine don't. I found it hard in the begining and really doubted staying but I'm glad I did because like you I saw the man I fell in love with and he was very remorseful. He was open and honest and because of this I decided to stay and help him get the help he needed for his porn addiction which lend to the crime.

K will say it does get easier and if friends or family don't stand by you then they aren't the friends you knew. You will loose friends and family but you will learn who is your true friends and family are. Having less people at your wedding isn't always a bad thing I only had 25 people at our wedding and it was amazingly special.

Think positive and I'm sure you will get there. It does get easier. Keep coming back here you will find true friendship and support from people who understand your position. Some of us are on Mumsnet too to get one on one chats and support in private. We are all non judgemental here.

Hi Spider81

We had the knock in July 2018 (we married in May 2018) and my husband was sentenced in April 2019. I fell pregnant between those dates and we now have a son who is 7 months old. I have chosen to stay with my husband as I, like you, believe he is not evil or a threat.

We obviously had social services involvement and we did live separately for the first just over 3 months of our sons life but we are now living pretty much as a normal family after an independent assessment (arranged by ss) determined my husband is not a threat to our son.

In terms of helping him speak to his family, do you know why he’s reluctant (other than it being a difficult conversation to have)? Is he worried they won’t support him? Or just embarrassed to talk about it? Maybe let him know that you’ll be there with him while he speaks to them to give him some support (if you’re comfortable with that of course). It will be much worse for him and them if he doesn’t tell them and it’s then reported in the media and they have to find out that way. X

Hello,

I've stayed with my partner and married him during this time. We are still waiting on sentencing and in total the whole process would of been 2.5 years. Staying with my partner wasn't a light decision made, it took time to process and to speak to both him and professionals, whilet also reading current literature and research available. I discovered my husband had a porn addiction which due to esculation took him down this dark path. He is very remorseful and seeked professional help immediately which helped him identify how he even became addicted to porn.

Fortunately we don't have children yet, which means I have been able to focus on me. So be proud of yourself in the strength you have to not only look after yourself but your little one to.



currently I'm struggling with dealing with friends and family emotions. We were advised to not tell many people as it's an ongoing case but at his plea hearing the media took that out of our hands. I'm dealing with a lot of opinions and judgements. It's hard cause some of my friends have been amazing but others have just disappointed me massively. I currently feel like I'm the punching bag for everyone's emotions with some people who I think the world of not talking to me or checking in on me. Reasons behind this are it's not me some have said it's due to my partner, others have said they are hurt because I didn't tell them what I was going through. I personally feel like I'm grieving multiple relationships and I wish those who said they cared, could actually reach out to me then. I then feel guilty as I then think maybe I should reach out to them, but actually no they should be reaching out to me as it's obvious I'm the one having a rough time. I then battle with the thoughts that I should not be begging anyone to be my friend, then I go back to feelings of disappointment when I realise these people I deemed as such close friends can't be that close if they can't be there for me at my lowest. It's just a viscious cycle of emotions which nobody truly understands unless they experience it themselves. I try to remain positive and think actually as hard as it is to have this realisation about people you care about, even though there are ones that have met me down, I still have other people who have been exceptional.



on top of that I then have people scare mongoring me telling me my life is over, I will be judged forever, I will lose my job etc when infact none of these things are true. Yes there will be hurdles and I will make my life what I want it to be. In reality the only views I will listen to regarding this matter of my future life with a sex offender is those who have lived it/ experienced themselves. In terms of job I've been very honest from day one and know I'm protected.



This journey is teaching be a lot about life, including awareness of myself and others. I really don't want to give up on those I care about, but when they can't give me support when I need it the most I think do I really want those people in my life especially if the tables were turned then I would be there for them.



just keep taking one day at a time. The emotions will come in waves but you've got this!