What now?
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Its been just over a week since the knock.
OH of 10 years has been snap chatting for a few months. Some of them sexually. 1 was 16. He said he never asked for images etc but recieved (what i think would be C) he doesnt think he sent any to the 16 year old.
He is on bail. Owned up to everything with the police. Devices taken for interigation.
He is not allowed to sleep in an abode with an under 18 or have unsupervised contact with an under 18. We have a 7 year old who we have told Daddy is working nights until we know what is going to happen.
Whats the advice. We know his bail will be extended. As he admitted it he will be charged. No previous so i'm hoping not custodial. But will he be allowed home? The police said they didn't see anything that suggested he was a risk to our daughter.
He's staying in homeless shelters at the moment and coming home during the day for us to try to find a new normal.
I haven't dealt with emotions yet, just practicalities ie can i keep our house. Will i lose my job ( clearence needed).
He's a good dad and generally apart from this a good husband. I dont know if i will standby him but still want him in our lives.
What happens now, what should i do now?
Any advice- similar offence out comes greatly appreciated.
OH of 10 years has been snap chatting for a few months. Some of them sexually. 1 was 16. He said he never asked for images etc but recieved (what i think would be C) he doesnt think he sent any to the 16 year old.
He is on bail. Owned up to everything with the police. Devices taken for interigation.
He is not allowed to sleep in an abode with an under 18 or have unsupervised contact with an under 18. We have a 7 year old who we have told Daddy is working nights until we know what is going to happen.
Whats the advice. We know his bail will be extended. As he admitted it he will be charged. No previous so i'm hoping not custodial. But will he be allowed home? The police said they didn't see anything that suggested he was a risk to our daughter.
He's staying in homeless shelters at the moment and coming home during the day for us to try to find a new normal.
I haven't dealt with emotions yet, just practicalities ie can i keep our house. Will i lose my job ( clearence needed).
He's a good dad and generally apart from this a good husband. I dont know if i will standby him but still want him in our lives.
What happens now, what should i do now?
Any advice- similar offence out comes greatly appreciated.
Hi Ginger and welcome - the club that none of us ever wanted to be a part of.
My OH of 20 years case is very similar to yours - chatting on Snapchat to adults as a way of coping with the stress and depression that he was hiding from me. As time went on he became less careful about who he was talking to and ultimately he had a conversation with a police decoy posing as an underage teen.
Forensics found 2 IIOC which had been sent to him during other conversations
He was on bail for 9 months until forensics were completed then charged. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced in November this year - unpaid work, SOR, SHPO etc. not custodial or suspended.
We don't have any under 18s in the home but he was prevented from seeing the grandkids by the bail conditions. His SHPO prevents him from entering into or remaining in a household with under 18s without express permission from Social Services (which we have gained for the grandkids).
In your case it will be down to child services when he is allowed back into the family home, and there are plenty of mums on here who can advise you on that score.
Sending you love xxx
My OH of 20 years case is very similar to yours - chatting on Snapchat to adults as a way of coping with the stress and depression that he was hiding from me. As time went on he became less careful about who he was talking to and ultimately he had a conversation with a police decoy posing as an underage teen.
Forensics found 2 IIOC which had been sent to him during other conversations
He was on bail for 9 months until forensics were completed then charged. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced in November this year - unpaid work, SOR, SHPO etc. not custodial or suspended.
We don't have any under 18s in the home but he was prevented from seeing the grandkids by the bail conditions. His SHPO prevents him from entering into or remaining in a household with under 18s without express permission from Social Services (which we have gained for the grandkids).
In your case it will be down to child services when he is allowed back into the family home, and there are plenty of mums on here who can advise you on that score.
Sending you love xxx
Lostinthewoods thank you.
Its been 2 weeks now. I haven't dealth with emotions yet, just praticalities. Ie can i still keep my house on just my wage etc.
I need to talk though the betrayal and how he's ruined our lives and why!!! Did he feel any guilt at all? Did he only stop because of the knock. ( all things i need to discuss with him when the holidays are over and our dauggter is back at school) and work out what the right thing is to with telling people. I dont want to spread the news but i dont want our friends to feel betrayed if and when they find out. Don't they have a right to know that they are hanging out with someone who will be charged for this and make an informed choice if they want to still be friends?!
This post thanking for the support has become a bit of a rant at him.
Does anyone know if they can request their phone number back or if that is frowned upon. It would be helpful to unlock things that he has set up but dont want it to look bad
Its been 2 weeks now. I haven't dealth with emotions yet, just praticalities. Ie can i still keep my house on just my wage etc.
I need to talk though the betrayal and how he's ruined our lives and why!!! Did he feel any guilt at all? Did he only stop because of the knock. ( all things i need to discuss with him when the holidays are over and our dauggter is back at school) and work out what the right thing is to with telling people. I dont want to spread the news but i dont want our friends to feel betrayed if and when they find out. Don't they have a right to know that they are hanging out with someone who will be charged for this and make an informed choice if they want to still be friends?!
This post thanking for the support has become a bit of a rant at him.
Does anyone know if they can request their phone number back or if that is frowned upon. It would be helpful to unlock things that he has set up but dont want it to look bad
We asked for the SIM card to be returned but it was too late - so we spent ages resetting all his apps etc to a new number and cancelled the original SIM with the provider. It was a pain in the ass to be fair.
Don't worry about ranting - it's still very early days for you. You are doing the right thing by waiting before making any major decisions.
We have only told our adult kids - but none of our friends have children. I do sometimes wonder if they would still be our friends if they knew or if they would be supportive. As far as we know nothing was ever reported in the press or online.
Don't worry about ranting - it's still very early days for you. You are doing the right thing by waiting before making any major decisions.
We have only told our adult kids - but none of our friends have children. I do sometimes wonder if they would still be our friends if they knew or if they would be supportive. As far as we know nothing was ever reported in the press or online.