A long time
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It has been a year and four months since the knock. I am the daughter. I've had mental health difficulties before, I have constant nightmares and am really traumatised by what happened. i can't sleep because I lie in bed thinking there's going to be another 6am knock. I'm living in fear of the future. What happens next? Is there going to be another knock, is it going to be more traumatic with them coming to the house and arresting him in front of me, or will they just ask him to go down to the station? Sick of this and don't understand why they are dragging this out so long. ANybody else waited this long? I know there are plenty of moving images and over a period of quite a few years. What is the likelihood of it being in the local paper?
Me my mother and brother (who is a child and also witnessed the knock) are trying to move house but it is taking a while to sell this one. I still love my dad i think i am unable to 'un-love' him, but I don't want the shame and we don't deserve this, we want to get away before things start to happen but I just feel like we have been waiting a long time now and every day there is a possibility that horrible things could start happening :(
Me my mother and brother (who is a child and also witnessed the knock) are trying to move house but it is taking a while to sell this one. I still love my dad i think i am unable to 'un-love' him, but I don't want the shame and we don't deserve this, we want to get away before things start to happen but I just feel like we have been waiting a long time now and every day there is a possibility that horrible things could start happening :(
Hi Sephy1234
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I don't see any reason for there being another knock at your door. They will be investigating what has happened. Is your dad on bail or released under investigation? Either way it can take a long time which adds to the stress you're feeling.
Try to live one day at a time and not imagine too much about the future. I know that's an easy thing to say but harder to do. The knock for us came in May 2017 and the first court date is in a week so that's over 2 and a half years. It can ge slow, the police are overwhelmed with these cases (the police officer investigating my husband used the word overwhelmed)
Try to be strong. If your dad was a good dad to you, hold on to that. This is only one small part of what he is, and good people sometimes e do bad things.
X
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I don't see any reason for there being another knock at your door. They will be investigating what has happened. Is your dad on bail or released under investigation? Either way it can take a long time which adds to the stress you're feeling.
Try to live one day at a time and not imagine too much about the future. I know that's an easy thing to say but harder to do. The knock for us came in May 2017 and the first court date is in a week so that's over 2 and a half years. It can ge slow, the police are overwhelmed with these cases (the police officer investigating my husband used the word overwhelmed)
Try to be strong. If your dad was a good dad to you, hold on to that. This is only one small part of what he is, and good people sometimes e do bad things.
X
Hi Ann,
They never arrested him, they just took the equipment and said the investigation will take between 8 and 18 months. I am confused because i see a lot of people saying that their partners, sons, husbands or fathers were arrested straight away. I think my dad made it clear that nobody else in the house should be under any investigation, and that our devices would be irrelevant.
if you don't mind me asking, after your knock, how long did it take for the police to get back to you?
It must be really horrible having the court date looming. I'm so very sorry that you're going through this too. I just want to get out of this situation and its hard not to internalise the fear, guilt, and shame even though I have done nothing wrong and neither has the rest of the family. It looks like the press only report if it is a person of interest, especially as we live on the outskirts of the city and there's more going on. But the chance they will is scaring me. I want my dad to change his last name so if it does get reported then it will not ruin my life. I don't know if that would help with keeping us anonymous, what do you think? I feel like I would not be able to continue with my life if word got out. x
They never arrested him, they just took the equipment and said the investigation will take between 8 and 18 months. I am confused because i see a lot of people saying that their partners, sons, husbands or fathers were arrested straight away. I think my dad made it clear that nobody else in the house should be under any investigation, and that our devices would be irrelevant.
if you don't mind me asking, after your knock, how long did it take for the police to get back to you?
It must be really horrible having the court date looming. I'm so very sorry that you're going through this too. I just want to get out of this situation and its hard not to internalise the fear, guilt, and shame even though I have done nothing wrong and neither has the rest of the family. It looks like the press only report if it is a person of interest, especially as we live on the outskirts of the city and there's more going on. But the chance they will is scaring me. I want my dad to change his last name so if it does get reported then it will not ruin my life. I don't know if that would help with keeping us anonymous, what do you think? I feel like I would not be able to continue with my life if word got out. x
Hi lee,
no he hasn't had an interview, there has been no contact as far as i know. he angers me because he's done nothing about getting help or doing things that will show remorse in the courts eyes. i feel like im walking through life waiting for a horrible monster to just jump out of the shadows and tear everything apart. I tried to call the helpline to get some answers but i can't get through. we are in the middle of moving house which is stressful for everyone especially my little brother who has to say goodbye to his friends. Because of this I wouldn't want things to erupt now, but im so sick of waiting i don't know how much longr i can deal with it, yet i dont know how ill cope with what happens next. Im so sorry to hear that you had to deal with public knowledge but im glad to hear that youre ok and that your family are supportive of each other. its nice to hear that things have gotten better for you xx
no he hasn't had an interview, there has been no contact as far as i know. he angers me because he's done nothing about getting help or doing things that will show remorse in the courts eyes. i feel like im walking through life waiting for a horrible monster to just jump out of the shadows and tear everything apart. I tried to call the helpline to get some answers but i can't get through. we are in the middle of moving house which is stressful for everyone especially my little brother who has to say goodbye to his friends. Because of this I wouldn't want things to erupt now, but im so sick of waiting i don't know how much longr i can deal with it, yet i dont know how ill cope with what happens next. Im so sorry to hear that you had to deal with public knowledge but im glad to hear that youre ok and that your family are supportive of each other. its nice to hear that things have gotten better for you xx
Hi sephy123
I don't know if our case is unusual as it's taken 2 years and 9 Mo this to even get a first court date. Between the knock and now I kept emailing the officer in charge of my husband's case asking what was happening. He always replied even if it was to say nothing was going to happen soon. It took a long time to examine the computer and the a long time again for the CPS to decide to charge him. You are entitled to ask what's happening either through your solicitor or the police. It won't make the stress go away but at least you'll know what's actually happening instead of imagining things. Maybe get some help with this from your mum?
There's nothing wrong with finding out how the case is progressing. Good luck and stay strong x
I don't know if our case is unusual as it's taken 2 years and 9 Mo this to even get a first court date. Between the knock and now I kept emailing the officer in charge of my husband's case asking what was happening. He always replied even if it was to say nothing was going to happen soon. It took a long time to examine the computer and the a long time again for the CPS to decide to charge him. You are entitled to ask what's happening either through your solicitor or the police. It won't make the stress go away but at least you'll know what's actually happening instead of imagining things. Maybe get some help with this from your mum?
There's nothing wrong with finding out how the case is progressing. Good luck and stay strong x
Hi Ann,
thank you for that solid advice I really appreciate it.. It's horrible how long it has to be dragged out for and i might speak to my dad about finding out where they are up to. Its a strange one because I'm scared that asking them might hurry the process and I dont want anything else to happen in front of my little brother, he doesn't really understand. and nor do i want anything to happen whilst we are still living in the area. i think im just terrified of what is to come.
If you don't mind me asking, how long was the time period between your knock and the interview? that's a terribly long time your whole experience has stretched over. hope you're doing ok. x
thank you for that solid advice I really appreciate it.. It's horrible how long it has to be dragged out for and i might speak to my dad about finding out where they are up to. Its a strange one because I'm scared that asking them might hurry the process and I dont want anything else to happen in front of my little brother, he doesn't really understand. and nor do i want anything to happen whilst we are still living in the area. i think im just terrified of what is to come.
If you don't mind me asking, how long was the time period between your knock and the interview? that's a terribly long time your whole experience has stretched over. hope you're doing ok. x
Hi Sephy123
First of all, I noticed you posted that last comment at 3.23am! You must sleep, and if you're struggling see your GP. Very early on my GP just gave me 5 sleeping tablets and it really helped. You can't think straight if you're tired so be careful.
We got the knock in May 2017. On that day my husband voluntarily went to be interviewed, he had a duty solicitor with him who told him to say no comment to everything. He was then on bail with me being part of the condition that he'd never be alone with children and that I'd tell the police if we were visiting any children. We only have grandchildren and when we saw them I told the police, no social services got involved though. Nothing happened till November when he was called for a second interview again with a solicitor telling him to say no comment. Then nothing. I think it was around February 2018 that we got a letter saying he was being released from bail but was under investigation. From then on we heard nothing. So I had an email address for the officer who first knocked on our door, so every couple of months I emailed him and he did give me updates. He just kept saying they were waiting for the forensic result on the computer, then it had to to a more deep investigation, then some sort of problem happened and it had to be looked at again. Then he kept saying he was sending everything to the CPS and another 6 months went by. I know it seems unbelievable but this dragged all through 2018 and 2019. This January we finally got a letter for the first court date which is the Magistrates Court next week. But because its a serious charge the Magistrates will send it to the Crown Court. By the time we bet to the Crown Court it will be nearly 3 years. I feel like I have served a sentence already. I wish I could tell you it'll be over soon but it might take a while yet, I'm so sorry.
Can I ask you something? Despite all the stress and horror this brings, are you still supporting your dad? If you still are, well done.
What all these men have done is a vile thing, but that doesn't make them vile people. I think they are broken and need help to rebuild themselves.
Look after yourself as much as you can. You are young, don't allow this to define you. You are innocent remember. Sending hugs your way x
First of all, I noticed you posted that last comment at 3.23am! You must sleep, and if you're struggling see your GP. Very early on my GP just gave me 5 sleeping tablets and it really helped. You can't think straight if you're tired so be careful.
We got the knock in May 2017. On that day my husband voluntarily went to be interviewed, he had a duty solicitor with him who told him to say no comment to everything. He was then on bail with me being part of the condition that he'd never be alone with children and that I'd tell the police if we were visiting any children. We only have grandchildren and when we saw them I told the police, no social services got involved though. Nothing happened till November when he was called for a second interview again with a solicitor telling him to say no comment. Then nothing. I think it was around February 2018 that we got a letter saying he was being released from bail but was under investigation. From then on we heard nothing. So I had an email address for the officer who first knocked on our door, so every couple of months I emailed him and he did give me updates. He just kept saying they were waiting for the forensic result on the computer, then it had to to a more deep investigation, then some sort of problem happened and it had to be looked at again. Then he kept saying he was sending everything to the CPS and another 6 months went by. I know it seems unbelievable but this dragged all through 2018 and 2019. This January we finally got a letter for the first court date which is the Magistrates Court next week. But because its a serious charge the Magistrates will send it to the Crown Court. By the time we bet to the Crown Court it will be nearly 3 years. I feel like I have served a sentence already. I wish I could tell you it'll be over soon but it might take a while yet, I'm so sorry.
Can I ask you something? Despite all the stress and horror this brings, are you still supporting your dad? If you still are, well done.
What all these men have done is a vile thing, but that doesn't make them vile people. I think they are broken and need help to rebuild themselves.
Look after yourself as much as you can. You are young, don't allow this to define you. You are innocent remember. Sending hugs your way x