New to this...need advice
Notifications OFFDuring the summer last year I met a man and started dating...2 months in I found out he was on the SOR for 1 online offence which he received a fine for. He explained everything and showed me all the paperwork relating to the conviction. I gave it some thought and decided that I would continue dating.
He is a lovely person and genuinely full of shame about what happened. I have witnessed him with his kids (who he has no restrictions seeing) and his nieces and he is a wonderful father and uncle.
My ex partner found out via child services after a referral was made by this man's probation person. As you can imagine it kicked off big time. I tried to talk to my ex about it and explain but he was having none of it. My daughter refuses to see him but my son (age 12) still goes every other weekend. My ex refused to return my son and said he was exercising his Parental rights. I have assured him that my partner will not be around the children and he has since returned my son. My son is very confused about it all and despite trying to reassure him and explain he says he would like to do 50/50 living with me and Dad. I haven't heard back from my ex as to his thoughts on this.
My question is...am I a bad mother for entertaining a relationship with a SO and should I end it? Does wanting a relationship for myself make me selfish. Will my son hate me for this long term? ????
No, I really don't think you're a bad mother. The fact that you’re thinking so carefully about your children, their feelings, and the long-term impact of your choices says a lot about the kind of parent you are.
It sounds as if your person has been open and honest with you about his past and that you've taken steps to understand the consequences of his offence. Sadly when a person is or has been on the SOR the complexities especially where children and co-parenting are involved can be challenging to navigate.
My suggestion would be to wait until things between you and your ex have settled before trying to talk to your son about your partner and when the time is right to provide him with reassurance and age appropriate explanations.
It might also be worth seeking guidance from the Stop It Now helpline to support you in thinking through boundaries, risk management, and how to talk to children in a way that puts their wellbeing first.
As for whether your son will hate you long-term—children tend to remember how safe, listened to, and supported they felt far more than the details of adult relationships. Staying calm, consistent, and child-focused will matter more than any single decision you make right now.
You’re not selfish for wanting a relationship and reading your post gives me hope that my son may one day meet someone like you who is caring and willing to see the person for who they now are instead of the person who once made some bad choices. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.