Stopping contact?
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My ex (split 2019) got arrested June 2025, so it's been roughly 7 months. When he told me why he got arrested he said someone had sent him one picture on KIK, it saved automatically on his phone but he deleted it straight away. Later in the conversation he said he wished he'd deleted it straight away instead of waiting 4/5 days. And a while later in the same conversation he said there may be 2/3 other things on his computer..
This made me very weary of what the truth was.. I have later got the full disclosure from SS that he was the one who sent the videos and pictures. 11 cat. a, 1 cat. b and 1 cat. c.
There is so much that has happened since the arrest, and I am more and more disgusted by this person everyday.
When my second SS lady asked him why he did this his answer was "I had a bit of a porn addiction and one thing led to another..." and when asked if he is attracted to children he wouldn't answer her..
Him and his partner has a 1 year old baby, and she is not happy with me supervising these visits, claiming that he is of no risk to children and "would never hurt his kids", but how can you be so sure??? HE made the decision to press save and send on pictures of children! And his answer to why is "one thing led to another"!!!!????
Anyway, I am wanting to stop these visits now because my own mental health isn't coping but also because my sons mental health is taking a hit. Even though if you ask my son about anything regarding this all he just says he's okay and still wants to see his dad (I am very very honest with my son, although he doesn't know the full extent of what his dad has done he is aware that there is a possibility of prison).
I don't know if I'm looking for validation or what, but I am really struggling with all of this. And my SW is very hard to get a hold of and isn't really giving me anything other than "it's all up to you".
All this is really taking a toll on my current relationship, and I don't know if we are going to make it through it.
This made me very weary of what the truth was.. I have later got the full disclosure from SS that he was the one who sent the videos and pictures. 11 cat. a, 1 cat. b and 1 cat. c.
There is so much that has happened since the arrest, and I am more and more disgusted by this person everyday.
When my second SS lady asked him why he did this his answer was "I had a bit of a porn addiction and one thing led to another..." and when asked if he is attracted to children he wouldn't answer her..
Him and his partner has a 1 year old baby, and she is not happy with me supervising these visits, claiming that he is of no risk to children and "would never hurt his kids", but how can you be so sure??? HE made the decision to press save and send on pictures of children! And his answer to why is "one thing led to another"!!!!????
Anyway, I am wanting to stop these visits now because my own mental health isn't coping but also because my sons mental health is taking a hit. Even though if you ask my son about anything regarding this all he just says he's okay and still wants to see his dad (I am very very honest with my son, although he doesn't know the full extent of what his dad has done he is aware that there is a possibility of prison).
I don't know if I'm looking for validation or what, but I am really struggling with all of this. And my SW is very hard to get a hold of and isn't really giving me anything other than "it's all up to you".
All this is really taking a toll on my current relationship, and I don't know if we are going to make it through it.
How old is your son? Regarding contact, my inclination is to be led by your son provided contact is supervised. Mine were 8 and 11 when this kicked off - they're now 11 and 14 - and like you I've told them the truth. They still want to see their father, so we go with that. I supervise him visiting for a day or two (he overnights elsewhere) every two to three weeks. I'm trying to give them the freedom to decide for themselves. I also don't want them to resent me for 'taking their father away', which is I do think is a risk if I ban contact. Its an awful situation to be in. But if your son is old enough at all I think it has to be his decision. How have you reached out for support for him? Don't be afraid to talk to his school - I told both my sons' right at the start and they've been great. Schools really do see it all so won't be shocked.
Hello Sad&Scaredmy son is 9, will be 10 next year. At the moment he is under the impression that his dad has spoke to the wrong person online, because that's what I knew to be true when he told our son 1 month after the arrest.After this I have obviously been made aware of the full truth, but my son has not because I was unsure if he'd be able to handle it or if it was the right thing to do.But with everything that is happening, him knowing that there actually is a possible prison sentence (although slim I guess..) and that just doesn't make sense for "talking to the wrong person online". He is being told the truth tonight, in an age appropriate manner and with the OK from my SW.We have frequent SIN meetings with SW and School, dad is always invited but never shows up. So school is fully aware of everything. My son however doesn't really share feelings, and don't show them either, so school hasn't seen any changes to my sons behaviour - although I see them at home, he acts out when we've had visits with his dad etc.I have thought about councilling for him, but I don't know if that's a good idea/where to look, however I will probably look more in to this after the conversation we will be having..Regarding the visits I agree about it needing to be his choice, hence why they haven't stopped yet. I am in between going down to every 4ish weeks or stopping. But I guess that's another conversation to have after the big one..