To those that stayed....
Notifications OFF
My partner was arrested last May after chatting to what he thought was a 13 year old girl. Been going on a while, he doesn’t know why he did it. He's so, so sorry. He's lost everything, rarely leaves his house. I've supported him since. I could and can see its destroyed him. I want to have a future with him. He's having counselling and doing the LFF programme.
To those that stayed......is it ever the same? Do you ever move on, can they change?
To those that stayed......is it ever the same? Do you ever move on, can they change?
It's a bit different for me it's a very dear loved family member he's the same lost everything we are coming to near the end of our journey got to do sentencing Jan 27th not sure which way it will go got a good psr with recommendations of stpended sentence hopefully the judge will go with this
It's cut our family down the middle he knows he as one more chance from us and it's up to him which path he takes he's made so much effort giving drink up getting mental health help .
So yes it does get a little easier not saying it is now with sentencing coming up it's their at the back of your mind constantly but we nearly on the home and dry leg of the journey xx
It's cut our family down the middle he knows he as one more chance from us and it's up to him which path he takes he's made so much effort giving drink up getting mental health help .
So yes it does get a little easier not saying it is now with sentencing coming up it's their at the back of your mind constantly but we nearly on the home and dry leg of the journey xx
Poppy - the PSR carries a lot of weight but you're right that it's ultimately up to the judge, although if he/she goes against the PSR recommendations they are supposed to have a very good reason.
Our son's PSR recommended a suspended sentence but added something along the lines of 'as long as it conformed to sentencing guidelines.' That referred to the fact that if the final sentence after all the mitigation was over 2 years the judge's hands were tied and it had to be a custodial sentence (this is probably changing to 3 years soon).
So you are right to prepare for the worst but also you should hope for the best as having a positive PSR is a good thing - our son missed a custodial by the skin of his teeth and without his PSR he would have been in prison now :(
Our son's PSR recommended a suspended sentence but added something along the lines of 'as long as it conformed to sentencing guidelines.' That referred to the fact that if the final sentence after all the mitigation was over 2 years the judge's hands were tied and it had to be a custodial sentence (this is probably changing to 3 years soon).
So you are right to prepare for the worst but also you should hope for the best as having a positive PSR is a good thing - our son missed a custodial by the skin of his teeth and without his PSR he would have been in prison now :(
Kate - I stayed.
similar to yours it was police decoy posing as a teen. The conversation was brief - over just a couple of days but forensics found other conversations where age couldn't be certain and 2 IIOC he had been sent.
I can't stress enough how this changed him, and ultimately us as a couple. I hadn't realised just how bad his mental health was when he offended but I could see that he was at last being honest with me. I told him I couldn't make any promises regarding us as a couple but I was willing to support him through what ever was coming, as long as I could see he was also trying.
We are 2 months post sentencing (18 months post initial arrest) and things are going ok. We are both being far more open and honest with our feelings. He has lost his daughter and granddaughter over this. They want nothing to do with him. I'm hopeful that, given time, we can build some sort of relationship with them.
its taken a lot of work from both of us, a lot of sacrifice and heartache, but we are stronger together.
xx
similar to yours it was police decoy posing as a teen. The conversation was brief - over just a couple of days but forensics found other conversations where age couldn't be certain and 2 IIOC he had been sent.
I can't stress enough how this changed him, and ultimately us as a couple. I hadn't realised just how bad his mental health was when he offended but I could see that he was at last being honest with me. I told him I couldn't make any promises regarding us as a couple but I was willing to support him through what ever was coming, as long as I could see he was also trying.
We are 2 months post sentencing (18 months post initial arrest) and things are going ok. We are both being far more open and honest with our feelings. He has lost his daughter and granddaughter over this. They want nothing to do with him. I'm hopeful that, given time, we can build some sort of relationship with them.
its taken a lot of work from both of us, a lot of sacrifice and heartache, but we are stronger together.
xx
Thank you so much for your replies.
It's a path l never thought we'd walk, but here we are.
@lostinthewoods you seem to have had a similar experience to me. It's good to know you have found a way through things so far. Like you l had no idea his mental health was this bad and like you he has lost family through this x
It's a path l never thought we'd walk, but here we are.
@lostinthewoods you seem to have had a similar experience to me. It's good to know you have found a way through things so far. Like you l had no idea his mental health was this bad and like you he has lost family through this x
I have stayed. We had a young child at the time of the knock and have rebuilt, he was allowed to move back in and we now have another child. He lost a lot but we didn't hit the media and the circle who knows is very small. The biggest loss was his job but he is less stressed now, we just don't have as much spare money every month. Our eldest will start school soon and I'm a bit anxious about having to declare the previous social services involvement to them but otherwise we live a normal life
at the end of the day it's up to you whether you stay or not my OH he committed an offence before I met him, but I stood by him and I lost and gave up a lot for him and then three weeks before he was coming off the register we got the knock he reoffended after 10 years after he promised me faithfully he would never ever do it again so all I will say to you is just be aware if they have done it once it is always that possibility they could do it again sorry to be the bringer of bad news but I feel you should look at all the options before making that final decision
Hi,
I left initially but I was 3 months pregnant so further down the line we had to have contact for our daughter. About 18 months post sentencing we began to work on our relationship. We are now almost 5 years post sentencing and time on sor and SHPO will be over next month. We live together about half the week. Things are still very different from how they were. There are challenges and it has been very testing at times. I'm still very much of the opinion that I will continue to make decisions that are right in the moment. For now that is staying and looking towards building on what we have. We have both had counselling individually and we have also done courses on offending through LFF, Horizon and circles south east. I have a lot of resentment currently but it mostly relates to our living situation and having most of the responsibility for our daughter. It's just very different to the plans we made when planning to get pregnant. Who knows if those plans would have actually been reality if he hadn't offended? There is no rush to make decisions and it's absolutely ok to change your mind at any stage xxx
I left initially but I was 3 months pregnant so further down the line we had to have contact for our daughter. About 18 months post sentencing we began to work on our relationship. We are now almost 5 years post sentencing and time on sor and SHPO will be over next month. We live together about half the week. Things are still very different from how they were. There are challenges and it has been very testing at times. I'm still very much of the opinion that I will continue to make decisions that are right in the moment. For now that is staying and looking towards building on what we have. We have both had counselling individually and we have also done courses on offending through LFF, Horizon and circles south east. I have a lot of resentment currently but it mostly relates to our living situation and having most of the responsibility for our daughter. It's just very different to the plans we made when planning to get pregnant. Who knows if those plans would have actually been reality if he hadn't offended? There is no rush to make decisions and it's absolutely ok to change your mind at any stage xxx
Thanks all for your further replies x