Anyone else been through a protective parenting assessment
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I dont know why I am being so anxious about it all really, but I am. Its now getting in the way of my sleep and my job. Litrally obsessing over it because I HATE unknowns. Soon ill be having a protective parenting assessment (which i suggested to SS i was happy to do because they were worried I wasnt protective enough and putting my relationship before my daughter). But despite knowing that my daughter is my top priority my anxiety is through the roof.
I guess because if in the senario it comes back im not going to safeguard her correctly or im not protective enough. The next step could be my biggest fear ever. Which is theyll take my daughter from me.
You dont have to put anything here, writting just helps my brain calm down and there is no where else really to unload.
We are at a point in this journy where he doesnt have any legal restrictions for under 18s now. So we are doing all we can to get back as one family unit.
I guess because if in the senario it comes back im not going to safeguard her correctly or im not protective enough. The next step could be my biggest fear ever. Which is theyll take my daughter from me.
You dont have to put anything here, writting just helps my brain calm down and there is no where else really to unload.
We are at a point in this journy where he doesnt have any legal restrictions for under 18s now. So we are doing all we can to get back as one family unit.
I also need to do this and my husband needs to do the risk assessment at the same time. I share your fears and I think so much is dependant on the assessors. I've read several stories on here where this was quite a positive, fair and academic exercise, so hopefully that will be the case for both of us.
I know some people have had some real social services nightmares here, but most resulting in restrictions being placed upon the ability for supervision and the partner from what I have read. I don't think having your children removed is a likely outcome of this assessment, so please try not to cause yourself too much anxiety worrying about that. I completely understand because when I first had to interact with SS I was terrified, but luckily they have all been very understanding of our situation so far, and surprisingly supportive. I know that can all change with one person, but in a steady stream of bad luck with media, work etc, I'm glad that this particular aspect has been ok so far.
The biggest issues here are the delays with getting anything done.
I'd focus on letting them know that you appreciate that your partner is now a risk (even if a very low one), that you will be vigilant of any potential signs of change in your children, that you will take even what might be perceived as a small risk seriously. It's the fine balance of not painting your partner in a bad light while not minimising what has happened that I think I'll struggle the most with. I hope it goes ok for you.
I know some people have had some real social services nightmares here, but most resulting in restrictions being placed upon the ability for supervision and the partner from what I have read. I don't think having your children removed is a likely outcome of this assessment, so please try not to cause yourself too much anxiety worrying about that. I completely understand because when I first had to interact with SS I was terrified, but luckily they have all been very understanding of our situation so far, and surprisingly supportive. I know that can all change with one person, but in a steady stream of bad luck with media, work etc, I'm glad that this particular aspect has been ok so far.
The biggest issues here are the delays with getting anything done.
I'd focus on letting them know that you appreciate that your partner is now a risk (even if a very low one), that you will be vigilant of any potential signs of change in your children, that you will take even what might be perceived as a small risk seriously. It's the fine balance of not painting your partner in a bad light while not minimising what has happened that I think I'll struggle the most with. I hope it goes ok for you.
The hardest bit has been that SS have stated that if the CPP im on fails they will do the next step which does lead to the path of them taking my daughter. Theyve stated this about 6 times so far over the last 8 months or so.
They fully think he is a sexual preditor and is just waiting for my daughter to "get to his ideal age" of preference which is why we are on a CPP because of "future risks in a decades time". Because ive known him for over a decade I dont think this, I do believe him that he misused porn and was using it to escape from stress and misery. I knew he watched porn because our sex life was barely there, but I didnt know to the extent or what he was watching. Where now we talk a lot about his mental health and his thoughts and feelings. We are so lucky that everyone we have told has been supportive. He has about 15 -20 (i forget how many know now) people he can go to for support when ever he needs it and they will be there. I think this all helps manage the risks a lot, its not just me on my own. He has a lot of people who just want to help him
They fully think he is a sexual preditor and is just waiting for my daughter to "get to his ideal age" of preference which is why we are on a CPP because of "future risks in a decades time". Because ive known him for over a decade I dont think this, I do believe him that he misused porn and was using it to escape from stress and misery. I knew he watched porn because our sex life was barely there, but I didnt know to the extent or what he was watching. Where now we talk a lot about his mental health and his thoughts and feelings. We are so lucky that everyone we have told has been supportive. He has about 15 -20 (i forget how many know now) people he can go to for support when ever he needs it and they will be there. I think this all helps manage the risks a lot, its not just me on my own. He has a lot of people who just want to help him
I forgot to add, ive not seen previous or currently any warning signs. They were a baby when he was arrested. So theyre also worried about her lack of language. Despite her very much telling you what she wants and how she wants it super clearly.
She requests him all the time and gets upset when the doorbell rings as she knows thats usually him. All she knows is he is at work. So wben she sees a photo she goes daddy work, daddy work. And sometimes says daddy come back, daddy work. Daddy?
She requests him all the time and gets upset when the doorbell rings as she knows thats usually him. All she knows is he is at work. So wben she sees a photo she goes daddy work, daddy work. And sometimes says daddy come back, daddy work. Daddy?
Just to reply to your last comment regarding lack of language. When ss talk about lack of language they mean language which would make disclosure easier for your daughter. When you are getting her dressed you can start to talk about privacy and introducing anatomically correct words for body parts. This starts to build upon the language she would need if anyone behaved inappropriately towards her. NSPCC have information regarding PANTS on their website, they are also books that you can order. These tools will help you to keep the conversation open and age appropriate as she grows. It's important that you can recognise how to navigate and mitigate the risks without getting caught up in fighting ss. Try to look at things from the perspective of if it was anyone else who had behaved inappropriately towards the way your OH has and said the things he said would you be so keen for them to maintain a relationship with your daughter? xxx
We all have always used the correct terms. After doing my degree which had a Safeguarding section I just could never not. The stories we heard were heart breaking.
Shes still in nappies so still need that type of personal care for now. Hopefully will be potty trained before shes 2 at the rate its going right now.
It depends on the person really. I do everything on a case by case basis. If someone else was like my husband and had done exactly what he has done. Id sit down and talk to them about why. Depending on their answer and how well I know them id decide if its appropriate for them to see my daughter. We have quiet a few friends with kids and theyre all very happy for him to see their kids. I think that says a lot about the type of person he is. And ive left him to tell them himself without me because theyre his friends not mine. We then sat together and they asked me for my side and then we spoke together. Its only my friends that havent had this i will say. But only a couple of mine know
Shes still in nappies so still need that type of personal care for now. Hopefully will be potty trained before shes 2 at the rate its going right now.
It depends on the person really. I do everything on a case by case basis. If someone else was like my husband and had done exactly what he has done. Id sit down and talk to them about why. Depending on their answer and how well I know them id decide if its appropriate for them to see my daughter. We have quiet a few friends with kids and theyre all very happy for him to see their kids. I think that says a lot about the type of person he is. And ive left him to tell them himself without me because theyre his friends not mine. We then sat together and they asked me for my side and then we spoke together. Its only my friends that havent had this i will say. But only a couple of mine know
Oh I forgot to add her use of language for under 2 is very good. If shes hurt herself closing the doorshe will say "ouch door toe, toe mummy door hurt". If another child is on the slide she says "no naughty down slide, stairs, stairs, stairs. no up, no up. Down!" Then will scream and point then ask for help. The other day I blew raspberries on her belly which she either likes or doesnt and she went " no mummy stop. No tummy" so I stopped she then told everyone she met for an hour " mummy tummy' then blew a raspberry. Followed by a scowl and "stop stop stop" then repeated herself. Honestly adorable! So I think if anyone did anything she would non stop talk and point. So id end up investigating.
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