New to this- need help
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Hi,
it's been almost a week since we received the knock and I am so overwhelmed with all this. I am in utter shock (and disbelief even though my husband has admitted guilt)
It has been the worst week of my life. He is so full of shame and I can see he is utterly heartbroken and sorry. He's been to some dark places the last few days and had made plans to end it all as the future looked so uncertain and bleak. I think and hope that these feelings have lessened and he has made some steps to look to survive this for the sake of our kids.
We have two children and i am trying so hard to do the right thing by them. So far he is allowed supervised contact with them which I have allowed. I am focusing on the practicalities of what happens next. Money and childcare. So far only his mother knows the truth.
I have been shocked at how after the initial arrest and bail we have just been left with very little support. I am thankful I have found this forum and reading real life people's accounts has been helpful (and also terrifying)
Initially the police said there was no reason he could not continue to work and he told his boss the truth, they were happy to support him and keep him employed. Also offering a place to live short term. Until another police officer advised them not to allow him to work.
I have had one phone call from ss who asked if I wanted an Assesment and asked who can supervise him with the kids. Then just left me to it. No advice on what to say to the kids, how to navigate this. Nothing more from the police either.
I am trying not to think too far ahead but can't help but picture every worst case scenario. My heart is broken for what he has done to our family and destroying our future. Not sure I can ever understand why or forgive but for the sake of the kids I am stupid to think this is survivable?
Not sure what I'm asking for here. It's just nice to know I am not alone with these feelings and in this horrible situation
it's been almost a week since we received the knock and I am so overwhelmed with all this. I am in utter shock (and disbelief even though my husband has admitted guilt)
It has been the worst week of my life. He is so full of shame and I can see he is utterly heartbroken and sorry. He's been to some dark places the last few days and had made plans to end it all as the future looked so uncertain and bleak. I think and hope that these feelings have lessened and he has made some steps to look to survive this for the sake of our kids.
We have two children and i am trying so hard to do the right thing by them. So far he is allowed supervised contact with them which I have allowed. I am focusing on the practicalities of what happens next. Money and childcare. So far only his mother knows the truth.
I have been shocked at how after the initial arrest and bail we have just been left with very little support. I am thankful I have found this forum and reading real life people's accounts has been helpful (and also terrifying)
Initially the police said there was no reason he could not continue to work and he told his boss the truth, they were happy to support him and keep him employed. Also offering a place to live short term. Until another police officer advised them not to allow him to work.
I have had one phone call from ss who asked if I wanted an Assesment and asked who can supervise him with the kids. Then just left me to it. No advice on what to say to the kids, how to navigate this. Nothing more from the police either.
I am trying not to think too far ahead but can't help but picture every worst case scenario. My heart is broken for what he has done to our family and destroying our future. Not sure I can ever understand why or forgive but for the sake of the kids I am stupid to think this is survivable?
Not sure what I'm asking for here. It's just nice to know I am not alone with these feelings and in this horrible situation
It's an awful club to be a part of and I'm sorry you find yourself here. I'm about four months down the line from the knock here and some things have got easier (my husband too had suicidal thoughts but has sought counselling which has helped greatly). We are now stuck in the limbo of the system, waiting for evidence that only the police have to see if there's any defence possible, but it's very hard.
I just wanted to say that the first few weeks were the worst, and we had some media too which felt even worse again, but we are surviving, and you will too. Try to arm yourself with information (this forum was great for that), if you have someone you can talk to also it will help greatly. I had a few weeks of keeping this a huge secret and although media was awful, at least I could talk to people after it happened. Much of what happens next is procedural - find out about the next steps and it will give you something you can somewhat control - much of this you simply cannot. If you want to message you're very welcome to.
I just wanted to say that the first few weeks were the worst, and we had some media too which felt even worse again, but we are surviving, and you will too. Try to arm yourself with information (this forum was great for that), if you have someone you can talk to also it will help greatly. I had a few weeks of keeping this a huge secret and although media was awful, at least I could talk to people after it happened. Much of what happens next is procedural - find out about the next steps and it will give you something you can somewhat control - much of this you simply cannot. If you want to message you're very welcome to.
I could have written your post 5 months ago!
take each day as it comes and you don't need to make any decisions right now. Xx
take each day as it comes and you don't need to make any decisions right now. Xx
We are 5 weeks post knock, sorry you are in the same or similar position. Your biggest concern soon will be the involvment of social services. They will come across as nice and caring but be very sure that they do not give a damn about splitting your family apart. An informal chat folled by interviews will occur, then you will likely hear nothing for a few weeks. From what ive read on here and from my own experience they will do anything they can to make you leave your OH. And there is literaly nothing you can do to stop them trying. To stand any chance you need to put stringent safeguarding measures in place straight away - write down what youve done. Regardless of your opinion of any risk you think your OH poses or doesnt to your kids always insist that you know he is a serious risk and that your priority will always be the safety of your kids. Please take this advice onboard. It changes direction quickly. Keep well.