21 year old son
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Hi all, I've been hovering around this site since the knock in July 24. My then 19 year old son was arrested for one iioc video on a disused Snapchat account.
since then he's been on bail with it being extended every few months while they go through his phone and iPad.
on that horrible knock day he was finally returned home by the police and was in shock and cried a lot in my arms. I felt so sorry for him. He is (and will always be) my gentle and sweet boy who is very loved by us all.
I was in horrendous shock about the whole thing and if it wasn't for my fantastic supportive partner I would have lost it completely. I almost did. It was totally overwhelming.
Yesterday a new letter was waiting when I got home. My son gave me permission to open his letters from the police. He was away for the weekend. It would seem they are still investigating the iPad but the phone shows there are iioc but it's unclear whether this is the Snapchat video or some new photos which were not mentioned before that he's taken from our house of people walking by wearing shorts?
im going to talk to him later about these photos from 3 years ago. I have questions and I'm scared of the answers. I truly believed (and still want to believe) it was some evil person posting stuff on his disused Snapchat account but now to find out 18 months down the line he might have been taking pictures of children walking past our house?! And by children could it be girls slightly younger than he was at that time? Obviously this is still wrong but different league if wrong.
arrrgghhh this is so hard but I'm keeping sane by thinking there's nothing I can do to change what's happened and if he's done wrong all we can do is support him and help him get better.
any support from another Mum going through this would be great-please get in touch. We need each other!
Beth
since then he's been on bail with it being extended every few months while they go through his phone and iPad.
on that horrible knock day he was finally returned home by the police and was in shock and cried a lot in my arms. I felt so sorry for him. He is (and will always be) my gentle and sweet boy who is very loved by us all.
I was in horrendous shock about the whole thing and if it wasn't for my fantastic supportive partner I would have lost it completely. I almost did. It was totally overwhelming.
Yesterday a new letter was waiting when I got home. My son gave me permission to open his letters from the police. He was away for the weekend. It would seem they are still investigating the iPad but the phone shows there are iioc but it's unclear whether this is the Snapchat video or some new photos which were not mentioned before that he's taken from our house of people walking by wearing shorts?
im going to talk to him later about these photos from 3 years ago. I have questions and I'm scared of the answers. I truly believed (and still want to believe) it was some evil person posting stuff on his disused Snapchat account but now to find out 18 months down the line he might have been taking pictures of children walking past our house?! And by children could it be girls slightly younger than he was at that time? Obviously this is still wrong but different league if wrong.
arrrgghhh this is so hard but I'm keeping sane by thinking there's nothing I can do to change what's happened and if he's done wrong all we can do is support him and help him get better.
any support from another Mum going through this would be great-please get in touch. We need each other!
Beth
Hi, not a mum but hopefully l can help to support.. our 21 year old son.. (20 at the time of the knock) is currently being investigated for sexual communications with under 16's... He was first interviewed for 1 conversation, that l am not sure what was discussed fully... and at second interviewed (which l was present) other conversations were mentioned... We are still waiting for CPS decision...
We have had lots of open discussions, and l genuinely feel that sexual gratification was not the intent with these conversations... unfortunately due to Covid and social media generally our son chose a path to make friends that whatever reason ended up here..
From a support perspective, try to be open and make sure he is following bail conditions.. we still love our son very much and going through this process some issues have come to light that we didn't fully understand.. for instance when he first started using snap and insta at 15, the level of conversations initiated be older girls and young women was ridiculous, this has led him to feeling that these conversations are okay.. Our son has never (apparently) arranged to meet, incite or sent photos and no IIOC was found in relation to these conversations.. Our son is polite, hardworking but struggles to make friends.. and this made him lonely, sometimes this leads to these negative actions.. we don't know what will happen but there are plenty of people to offer support... take care..
We have had lots of open discussions, and l genuinely feel that sexual gratification was not the intent with these conversations... unfortunately due to Covid and social media generally our son chose a path to make friends that whatever reason ended up here..
From a support perspective, try to be open and make sure he is following bail conditions.. we still love our son very much and going through this process some issues have come to light that we didn't fully understand.. for instance when he first started using snap and insta at 15, the level of conversations initiated be older girls and young women was ridiculous, this has led him to feeling that these conversations are okay.. Our son has never (apparently) arranged to meet, incite or sent photos and no IIOC was found in relation to these conversations.. Our son is polite, hardworking but struggles to make friends.. and this made him lonely, sometimes this leads to these negative actions.. we don't know what will happen but there are plenty of people to offer support... take care..
Thank you very much for replying. I should have included Dads too, apologies!
We have had a heart to heart this afternoon when he came home from work (my son). He has now admitted he was added to a Snapchat group which had the terrible video on it, he watched it and was so sickened he deleted Snapchat but having only just turned 18 did not report it to anyone...
I then asked about the photos of passers by and he said they were all of girls of his age walking by wearing shorts. I said he could be open with me and were they definitely not young children and (by this point he was sobbing) he said they were not.
I asked why he hadn't been honest with me from the start about having seen this disgusting video and he said he thought I wouldn't love him anymore. This broke my heart and I said I would always love him no matter what happened and we are in this together.
wow I'm so glad I was brave enough to have that conversation with him. Hard road ahead but I feel stronger for the chat and for this forum so thank you
We have had a heart to heart this afternoon when he came home from work (my son). He has now admitted he was added to a Snapchat group which had the terrible video on it, he watched it and was so sickened he deleted Snapchat but having only just turned 18 did not report it to anyone...
I then asked about the photos of passers by and he said they were all of girls of his age walking by wearing shorts. I said he could be open with me and were they definitely not young children and (by this point he was sobbing) he said they were not.
I asked why he hadn't been honest with me from the start about having seen this disgusting video and he said he thought I wouldn't love him anymore. This broke my heart and I said I would always love him no matter what happened and we are in this together.
wow I'm so glad I was brave enough to have that conversation with him. Hard road ahead but I feel stronger for the chat and for this forum so thank you
Hi Beth, I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I’m here too as a mum, even though my son is now on the other side of sentencing.
On the night of his arrest, when he had to move back home with me, I promised him I would walk beside him every step of the way—and I’ve kept that promise. I have never known pain like the pain of watching your own child so completely broken, and I know how heavy that feels as a mother.
Please know there are other mums who understand this road, who are standing with you in it, and who are holding space for you even when the days feel unbearable.
On the night of his arrest, when he had to move back home with me, I promised him I would walk beside him every step of the way—and I’ve kept that promise. I have never known pain like the pain of watching your own child so completely broken, and I know how heavy that feels as a mother.
Please know there are other mums who understand this road, who are standing with you in it, and who are holding space for you even when the days feel unbearable.
Hi Beth,
You're not alone x
You're not alone x
Hi, no need to apologise..
Really glad you have had a chat with your son.. trust your feelings and make sure he gets support elsewhere.. a confidential chat with the counsellors can make all the difference..
8 months in, our son isn't constantly being bombarded with messages.. he is learning to drive again and has started playing football again.. he is going out for a drink or two after games and we now try to go out as a family once a week.. if it wasn't for the sword of Damocles hanging over him l would say he has turned a corner..
Prepare for this to be a long drawn out process.. as well as supporting your son.. make sure you have support too.. take care
Really glad you have had a chat with your son.. trust your feelings and make sure he gets support elsewhere.. a confidential chat with the counsellors can make all the difference..
8 months in, our son isn't constantly being bombarded with messages.. he is learning to drive again and has started playing football again.. he is going out for a drink or two after games and we now try to go out as a family once a week.. if it wasn't for the sword of Damocles hanging over him l would say he has turned a corner..
Prepare for this to be a long drawn out process.. as well as supporting your son.. make sure you have support too.. take care
Hi Beth,
Same position as you I'm afraid, Son is 21 (knock was July 25) something uploaded once through SC when he was 20 supposedly, nothing found on phone at triage but has recently been outsourced to private company, and we are waiting on results of this - petrified is an understatement, my son is also Autistic.
i can relate with the trauma of it all, the first month after the knock I'd lost so much weight in a short space of time, work colleagues, friends etc who obviously don't know what's happened were so worried incase I was unwell in some way. The effects it has had on my myself as a mother and I know his Dad too, I don't think I will ever heal from.
The future is scary and uncertain and I'm sick of living in survival mode, I look at people who are close to me in my every day life that don't know and I think to myself if you only knew the heartache I'm carrying around you'd be devastated. I'm always here for any of you that need that support - we all need each other - feel free to message me Beth, from a mother to another xxx
Same position as you I'm afraid, Son is 21 (knock was July 25) something uploaded once through SC when he was 20 supposedly, nothing found on phone at triage but has recently been outsourced to private company, and we are waiting on results of this - petrified is an understatement, my son is also Autistic.
i can relate with the trauma of it all, the first month after the knock I'd lost so much weight in a short space of time, work colleagues, friends etc who obviously don't know what's happened were so worried incase I was unwell in some way. The effects it has had on my myself as a mother and I know his Dad too, I don't think I will ever heal from.
The future is scary and uncertain and I'm sick of living in survival mode, I look at people who are close to me in my every day life that don't know and I think to myself if you only knew the heartache I'm carrying around you'd be devastated. I'm always here for any of you that need that support - we all need each other - feel free to message me Beth, from a mother to another xxx