Family and Friends Forum

I 100% feel your frustration!

Although we have had a good update in the last few days from IO that likely to be NFA it's taken us 15 months to get to this stage- 15 months of stress and tension that could really do without.

It's more that you just dont hear from them unless you chase them and nag. Part of you doesnt want to push them because you think urgh they will take it out on his case but then also need to be able to move on with our lives- with or without a conviction.

Keep your spirits up

Ttkit

Mabel

I totally agree with your post... Isn't it also abit ludicrous that some suspects are released under investigation without any conditions for up to 3 years then following conviction there suddenly deemed a bbc serious threat to there children resulting in SS putting in place draconian regulations which appear to cause even more damage to the relationship already broken by the arrest.

If they are a risk following conviction where is the logic of continued access when waiting for the trial.

I simply cannot fathom the whole child protection pllify in the country...

I second this. I was under invesigation for 16 months and 13 days and I did nothing more than pay the bill for the IP address that my ex-husband used to download images.

It nearly cost me my life.

what shocks me is that whilst under investigation you are not 'forced' to get help but as part of some people's sentencing they get rehabilitation. My partner admitted he had a problem and thankfully was told about LF. He could not afford straight away for their course so went to a sex addiction group (which tbh wasn't really geared to child sex offenders in his opinion). But it wasn't until over he was sentenced that he was offered further courses as part of his sentence. He could have just sat back throughout the whole two years before getting help. Thankfully the knock and losing his family set him straight and gave him the motivation to act as soon as possible.

But he did say that he felt when he was being assessed for probation they didn't take into account what he has done to better himself and not offend again. They looked at him as from the day he was arrested....which I can tell bothers him greatly because he has worked hard to not be a risk of reoffending. The probation team are also struggling to find him a course which isn't a repeat of what LF offer. It is like he is expected to do rehab again just for the sake of it.

I absolutely agree with the timescale thing. From the day of the knock we have waited 2 years and 9 months. Magistrates Court in a week, then according to the solicitor, 1st Crown Court a week later, then 3-5 weeks for pre sentence reports so by the time we get to sentencing it will be 2 years and 11 months. In that time my husband has done the Lucy Faithful course, got himself a full time job, and is about to start counselling for his general mental health. The solicitor is hoping all this will be taken into account and he'll get a suspended sentence (it was for images in all 3 categories)

So yes, for near on 3 years no one has been even slightly interested in the risk he poses but post sentencing that will all change. Its a ridiculous process and adds to the stress of it all.

As far as I understand it's because the police aren't able to keep up with the number of offenders and the forensic investigation of their computers etc

For me, it actually all began 4 years ago, when my husband tried to kill himself, and what he'd been doing all came out. I'm just exhausted by it all, and honestly I don't kniw how long it will take to recover from it. Probably never will really and anyway he's likely to he on the sex offenders register for 5 or even 10 years so we certainly can't forget it.

We are 'only' 2 1/2 months post 'knock' - and in that time, my husband of 40+years has been released under investigation, tried to kill himself four times, been put on anti depressants and is attending a therapist recommended by StopSO (and very helpful the latter has been, despite the expense that we can ill afford) - this is for viewing iioc online over a three year period. I am about to start the Inform course. We are both fortunate to have a network of family and selected friends who know the full story and are supportive of us both.

I am aghast that after all this work (and there will be much more teasing apart motivations and emotions over the coming months before the police finally get around to examining his devices I'm sure) you are telling me that these efforts to prevent reoffending might be ignored and overlooked and we will have to start all over?! That's nonsensical and makes a mockery of the entire legal system.

(I'm pleased that you might be getting a NFA result ttkit - that's wonderful news for you both)

Hi all,

I'm not banking on it being an NFA until we have the piece of paper that says it if you know what I mean.

Husband was arrested for a single communication offence where he discussed with another adult about minors etc.

Ttkit

Tutleymutley, similar to your situation. My situation sounds similar to yours, married over 40 years, my husband tried to kill himself before the police were involved which is when it all came out. In the intervening 2 and a half years he's done the Lucy Faithful course, got and held down a full time job and is about to start counselling through StopSo.

Our solicitor seems confident that all this will help when he gets sentenced and I'll be devastated if it doesn't. I noticed a comment on here the other day where a judge had said the long periods under investigation was the fault of the offender because they gave a no comment interview, whereas our solicitor seems to think the length of time it's taken will help our case. Very confusing. He should get sentenced within the next 6 weeks or so, so I'll post it on here when it happens.

There was a case locally here recently for iioc where the judge slammed the police for the length of time that they took to take the case to court. In that time the person had got themselves clean and made numerous other steps to ensure that they didn't reoffend which the judge noted. So, yes, anything that is done between the knock and court should be seen as a positive by the courts. As well as LFF there's also saferlives who will help before conviction.

I just wanted to add to my comment that I believe the rehab my partner did, the use of the LF phone line (they can provide records of date and time to the judge) and letters from friends to thej helped with the suspended sentence ruling. My partner was then assessed through probation who didn't take into too much of the fact he had done rehab and has had to work hard again to prove he isn't at risk of reoffending. The probation team seem empathetic that is a pain in the butt for him but is how they work. They have been really supportive over all and are transparent with me. I have even been allowed to attend some sessions to see how they work.