Deny deny deny
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We had the knock in Nov 2023 which has pretty much ruined my mental health for the worse.
He was accused of downloading IIOC over a long period of time, i mean years.
It was less than a month before i gave birth to my first baby. The haziness and shock of it all, and being postpartum for the first time made this into the hardest time of my life. He denied everything from day 1. And kept denying as legal proceedings started, kept denying as he was presented with more evidence and then admitted to it in court. But then he said "they forced my hand" and denied knowing anything again and again.
We have had countless conversations about the details of the case, he has tried to convince me how the forensic evidence is wrong, that the pictures are corrupted so he would not have known they were on his device. Even tried to tell me that they were already on his second hand device.
He always used very emotional language and many many times i have believed him and defended him. These two years i have lost all sense of reality and distrusted myself so much.
I started emotionally detaching myself from him and started focusing on myself and my son. That has helped me be more sure of myself. We have not talked about this topic for 6 months nearly.
There hasn't been an "Aha" moment but I'm slowly coming to realise how many lies he has said. If I'm honest I'm still hoping it's all wrong and that some elaborate mess up happened but the odds are slim.
I wanted to ask has anyone else's partner lied and continues to deny everything? What can make him break? How did you move past it?
He was accused of downloading IIOC over a long period of time, i mean years.
It was less than a month before i gave birth to my first baby. The haziness and shock of it all, and being postpartum for the first time made this into the hardest time of my life. He denied everything from day 1. And kept denying as legal proceedings started, kept denying as he was presented with more evidence and then admitted to it in court. But then he said "they forced my hand" and denied knowing anything again and again.
We have had countless conversations about the details of the case, he has tried to convince me how the forensic evidence is wrong, that the pictures are corrupted so he would not have known they were on his device. Even tried to tell me that they were already on his second hand device.
He always used very emotional language and many many times i have believed him and defended him. These two years i have lost all sense of reality and distrusted myself so much.
I started emotionally detaching myself from him and started focusing on myself and my son. That has helped me be more sure of myself. We have not talked about this topic for 6 months nearly.
There hasn't been an "Aha" moment but I'm slowly coming to realise how many lies he has said. If I'm honest I'm still hoping it's all wrong and that some elaborate mess up happened but the odds are slim.
I wanted to ask has anyone else's partner lied and continues to deny everything? What can make him break? How did you move past it?
I think you know the truth. And I think you have to accept that, firstly, you can't make him admit anything. Why would he stop lying now? And secondly, does it actually matter? You know he has lied. You know he is lying. Its up to you what you do with that information. And I think you only move past it by moving past him.
I have a strong need for him to own up to it. This has affected me soo much I need him to acknowledge the damage caused by the case and hi denial. I want him to admit it because I want to be able to explain to my son one day if I decide to leave, why I did.
But maybe you're right it wouldn't change much, and I just need to be able to let go with the information I have in front of me.
It's so damn hard though, especially coming from a culture where divorce is looked down upon. I guess having him admit to it would take the spotlight away from me should we go our separate ways. Ngl i have only just started entertaining the idea that it is true so maybe baby steps is enough for now.
But maybe you're right it wouldn't change much, and I just need to be able to let go with the information I have in front of me.
It's so damn hard though, especially coming from a culture where divorce is looked down upon. I guess having him admit to it would take the spotlight away from me should we go our separate ways. Ngl i have only just started entertaining the idea that it is true so maybe baby steps is enough for now.