Family and Friends Forum

I'm starting to think that there really is no moving on from this. It's been over 5 years since the crime was committed and around 3 and a half since the paper and social media. I'm at my lowest point. I don't want to admit it to anyone. I feel like everyone around me doesn't understand why I still hold on to it all.

Maybe it's because I hate the crime, I don't condone abuse, I could never have imagined that this would be a part of my life. I'm not ok with being associated with it but I don't have a choice because I've stayed.

I could have moved on, I could have dealt with it and it all be in the past but I can't because everyone knows. The most awful thing about my family and everyone knows and has their own opinion guided by what was printed.

When I talk to a new person I think they wouldn't talk to me if they knew. When I speak to certain family, I think they wouldn't talk to me if they weren't my family. When I see an old school friend on social media, I feel embarrassed and jealous that they have never had the knock. I feel jealous of people that have a partner they can be proud of, or one who's respected. I think how so many people look at him and me like we are disgusting. If I go anywhere, the supermarket or into our town, I scan the people around me to see if I recognise anyone. It's on my mind 24/7 and it's at the point where my OH doesn't think he can cope with me anymore. I don't know life without him. But life is miserable as it is.

I feel worthless, like everyone looks down on me and I don't blame them because I look down on myself. If I live another 30 years will I always feel like this? It's taken so much from me!

I have had counselling in the past but I do feel like I need specialist help. I have contacted stopso twice but have not had a reply and I have been on a wait list for someone in my area for a while now. I just need to say everything out loud and have someone else's perspective because I'm not coping.