Why is it so hard?
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Where to even start
10 and a half months ago partner was arrested when the knock came on an early morning. I was blind sided, shocked and still can't quite get over the feeling it gave me. It was for online communication with a 13 year old - he believes it was a police officer decoy.
Immediately after being bailed he left the house due to bail conditions and I didn't want him there. Bail conditions no contact with under 18 online, no unsupervised visits with under 18, no over night stays with anyone under 18 in the same house.
Social services we're Immediately involved and after three Phone conversations with them they signed us off and said as long as bail was adhered to we were all good.
Now 10 months on conditions are still in place as he is still on bail. My children (boys 6 & 4) have gotten used to the situation, dad comes over, has dinner, plays and goes back to his own home. This started off twice a week and has become almost daily.
Thing is I'm struggling with my feelings, I want to hate him and I hate what he has done and how that makes me feel. I hate that he still shows how lazy he can be, how he gets angry and moans at me about my home, even though this isnt his home now.
The other part of me loves him still, wants a family again and wishes he could stay here over night to help with the kids etc.
How do we work through these feelings? I know deep down we can never be a family again. The trust has gone completely. My friends and family would think I'm crazy but I just feel like I cant move on until the whole process is over and that could be years still. I just miss having someone there sometimes and having an intimate partner also. I also struggle with my friends when they ask about him referring to him as a p***file and n***ce
Anyway thanks if you got this far. I dont know what I'm looking for here just needed to let that out.
10 and a half months ago partner was arrested when the knock came on an early morning. I was blind sided, shocked and still can't quite get over the feeling it gave me. It was for online communication with a 13 year old - he believes it was a police officer decoy.
Immediately after being bailed he left the house due to bail conditions and I didn't want him there. Bail conditions no contact with under 18 online, no unsupervised visits with under 18, no over night stays with anyone under 18 in the same house.
Social services we're Immediately involved and after three Phone conversations with them they signed us off and said as long as bail was adhered to we were all good.
Now 10 months on conditions are still in place as he is still on bail. My children (boys 6 & 4) have gotten used to the situation, dad comes over, has dinner, plays and goes back to his own home. This started off twice a week and has become almost daily.
Thing is I'm struggling with my feelings, I want to hate him and I hate what he has done and how that makes me feel. I hate that he still shows how lazy he can be, how he gets angry and moans at me about my home, even though this isnt his home now.
The other part of me loves him still, wants a family again and wishes he could stay here over night to help with the kids etc.
How do we work through these feelings? I know deep down we can never be a family again. The trust has gone completely. My friends and family would think I'm crazy but I just feel like I cant move on until the whole process is over and that could be years still. I just miss having someone there sometimes and having an intimate partner also. I also struggle with my friends when they ask about him referring to him as a p***file and n***ce
Anyway thanks if you got this far. I dont know what I'm looking for here just needed to let that out.
Hello,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum. We wanted to contribute to your thread as it seems you have not received a response just yet, but we hope that some of our Forum users will be able to respond to offer you some support soon. Our Forum is quite active, so occasionally posts may be missed, but we encourage you to check in frequently for a reply, as responses often come in with time.
In the meantime, if you have not already reached out, I would gently encourage you to contact our Stop It Now helpline. It is a free, confidential, and anonymous service available on 0808 1000 900. Our trained advisors are there to listen, explore your situation with you, and provide tailored support. You can find more information about the helpline and chat service, as well as our opening hours here.
We hope that someone will respond to your post soon, so that you can receive some support from our Forum users.
Take care,
The Forum Team
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum. We wanted to contribute to your thread as it seems you have not received a response just yet, but we hope that some of our Forum users will be able to respond to offer you some support soon. Our Forum is quite active, so occasionally posts may be missed, but we encourage you to check in frequently for a reply, as responses often come in with time.
In the meantime, if you have not already reached out, I would gently encourage you to contact our Stop It Now helpline. It is a free, confidential, and anonymous service available on 0808 1000 900. Our trained advisors are there to listen, explore your situation with you, and provide tailored support. You can find more information about the helpline and chat service, as well as our opening hours here.
We hope that someone will respond to your post soon, so that you can receive some support from our Forum users.
Take care,
The Forum Team
hi mama it is a very difficult thing to come to terms with and we are a very few elite people that has to deal with the situation. It is extremely hard to work out why they would do such a thing and hurt you in such a way my OH has just been released from prison when I met him for online communications and three weeks before he was due to come off the register we got the knock again I'm still trying to work out and understand why he would do such a thing why he would let me down let himself down. It is gonna take awhile to process what he has done and why he's done it unfortunately it's not one of those things with a miracle cure. You'll just have to take one day at a time and work through it step-by-step try ringing the helpline maybe they're very good and not very good at discussing the situations. Take careX