4 weeks in
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So I am 4 weeks into the knock now , my husband left the night it happened and will not be returning as he was caught by vigilantes and it was live streamed all over Facebook and the vigilantes page, I also can't have him back as initially he said he was flirting/ sending pics to who he thought was a 25 year old, in my eyes this is cheating and he thought so little of our perfect marriage that he did this.
I wanted to say that in the 4 weeks I have felt every emotion possible and invented a few new ones , I have been to the doctors and been prescribed anti depressants as this is helping me now be calmer which means I can now sleep better and function,
I realise that I have to focus on me and my family and this is what I doe each day to get through the day, my husband does not know why he was talking filth to 14 year old girls (luckily decoys) he has said he has no porn Addiction, no attraction to children, he does not know what he was looking for when he was chatting to these people, he is calling the helpline so maybe I will get answers, which I what I want ,
I have been getting stronger each day , but today I am very low so I need to just try and keep busy xx
I wanted to say that in the 4 weeks I have felt every emotion possible and invented a few new ones , I have been to the doctors and been prescribed anti depressants as this is helping me now be calmer which means I can now sleep better and function,
I realise that I have to focus on me and my family and this is what I doe each day to get through the day, my husband does not know why he was talking filth to 14 year old girls (luckily decoys) he has said he has no porn Addiction, no attraction to children, he does not know what he was looking for when he was chatting to these people, he is calling the helpline so maybe I will get answers, which I what I want ,
I have been getting stronger each day , but today I am very low so I need to just try and keep busy xx
Hi Ellen
Sorry you are having a difficult day. I know what you mean about emotions. We are a year post knock and I still have times when I feel immense anger and loss among lots of other feelings that just sweep over me without warning like a huge wave in the sea.
Our husbands sound similar in what they have done and said. I know very little about what my husband of over over 30 years has done. It is like he has deceived me twice. Once by his behaviour on line and again since his arrest when he won't discuss what he has done. I feel shut out by this secret life of his. He might think he is protecting me from the truth but I believe he is only trtying to protect himself and is really still in denial.
Try and stay positive. We have done nothing wrong and there must be a life after this trauma, it is just a case of grasping it. I try not to plan too far ahead and identify something positive from each day. In the last few months I have started a journal to record the positives and sometimes vent the negatives!
Lots if virtual hugs. Look after yourself.
Izzy
Sorry you are having a difficult day. I know what you mean about emotions. We are a year post knock and I still have times when I feel immense anger and loss among lots of other feelings that just sweep over me without warning like a huge wave in the sea.
Our husbands sound similar in what they have done and said. I know very little about what my husband of over over 30 years has done. It is like he has deceived me twice. Once by his behaviour on line and again since his arrest when he won't discuss what he has done. I feel shut out by this secret life of his. He might think he is protecting me from the truth but I believe he is only trtying to protect himself and is really still in denial.
Try and stay positive. We have done nothing wrong and there must be a life after this trauma, it is just a case of grasping it. I try not to plan too far ahead and identify something positive from each day. In the last few months I have started a journal to record the positives and sometimes vent the negatives!
Lots if virtual hugs. Look after yourself.
Izzy
Hi Izzy , thanks for your reply,
I know what you mean , I am now second guessing every gesture he did , and every memory we made , I used to go bed by about half 10 and this I think is when he started , he won't discuss it with me as he said the police had told him not to discuss the case with anyone which sounds rubbish , but he is now with his 87 year old catholic mum who won't discuss it , nor will his sister or his daughter so it is ike he does not have to face what he has done and own up to it ,
I am just so hurt and betrayed but I still love him so much and I am mourning what we would of had and shared , I hope that this day will pass soon and I can have a strong day, as I am feeling so needy and pathetic today xx
I know what you mean , I am now second guessing every gesture he did , and every memory we made , I used to go bed by about half 10 and this I think is when he started , he won't discuss it with me as he said the police had told him not to discuss the case with anyone which sounds rubbish , but he is now with his 87 year old catholic mum who won't discuss it , nor will his sister or his daughter so it is ike he does not have to face what he has done and own up to it ,
I am just so hurt and betrayed but I still love him so much and I am mourning what we would of had and shared , I hope that this day will pass soon and I can have a strong day, as I am feeling so needy and pathetic today xx
Thanks lost 123
it really is a crap club that no one wants to be in, I went back to some of the first posts on the website this morning and they gave me hope , for people who have come out the other side , and so who had even met someone else , although this is the last thing on my mind at the moment ,
I wish my now ex husband was not so selfish and took ownership of what he has done and offered me some answers, he says he doesn't know why , but he remembers telling the 22 year old he was married so it is like he disrespected me twice , once for even being on the website and then twice because he sent a pic of his willy to a teenager , and it's nothing to brag about trust me ,
I hate him so much for being such a total prat and buggering off and leaving me with all the crap he left behind , I am lucky that I was the high earner and I have my own house so he has lost his comfy life , for a few pictures of boobs and I hope a prison sentence , as he gave me a life sentence xx
it really is a crap club that no one wants to be in, I went back to some of the first posts on the website this morning and they gave me hope , for people who have come out the other side , and so who had even met someone else , although this is the last thing on my mind at the moment ,
I wish my now ex husband was not so selfish and took ownership of what he has done and offered me some answers, he says he doesn't know why , but he remembers telling the 22 year old he was married so it is like he disrespected me twice , once for even being on the website and then twice because he sent a pic of his willy to a teenager , and it's nothing to brag about trust me ,
I hate him so much for being such a total prat and buggering off and leaving me with all the crap he left behind , I am lucky that I was the high earner and I have my own house so he has lost his comfy life , for a few pictures of boobs and I hope a prison sentence , as he gave me a life sentence xx
Same here , I keep saying to my ex husband I hope she was worth it , and he alwayshe tells me he has lost everything and he does not know for what ,
part of me is ashamed to say that I am glad he feels this way ,he is now 48 , living back with his mum in her box room , he has no job , I shredded all the designer clothes I bought for him, no money , no job as they fired him on the spot , he has my old car which is nothing exciting and I am glad he has nothing as he took everything from me ,
I know I will get over the betrayal one day. But by god it hurts , like a red hot poker through the heart x
I stay strong for my children and his too , xx
part of me is ashamed to say that I am glad he feels this way ,he is now 48 , living back with his mum in her box room , he has no job , I shredded all the designer clothes I bought for him, no money , no job as they fired him on the spot , he has my old car which is nothing exciting and I am glad he has nothing as he took everything from me ,
I know I will get over the betrayal one day. But by god it hurts , like a red hot poker through the heart x
I stay strong for my children and his too , xx
Hi there,
I just wanted to reach out Ellen as my situation is similar to yours. My (now-ex) partner was caught by vigilantes and livestreamed and also left the same night. I remember all too well the initial shock and the trauma of it all in the early days and weeks. I am now coming up to a year since initial knock and have to say my life has settled in to a new normal. You are so strong and brave. Don't ever forget that. You might not feel it but you are. I've focussed so much on becoming a stronger version of myself and just want you to know that it does get better. It won't ever go but will get less raw. Hang in there.
GGem x
I just wanted to reach out Ellen as my situation is similar to yours. My (now-ex) partner was caught by vigilantes and livestreamed and also left the same night. I remember all too well the initial shock and the trauma of it all in the early days and weeks. I am now coming up to a year since initial knock and have to say my life has settled in to a new normal. You are so strong and brave. Don't ever forget that. You might not feel it but you are. I've focussed so much on becoming a stronger version of myself and just want you to know that it does get better. It won't ever go but will get less raw. Hang in there.
GGem x
Thank you Gemini , and lost 123
I think it's the "literally had no idea " shock of it all but then now I see why would we know and how could we have known, they went to great lengths to deceive us,
mine said it was only 3 weeks but I can't believe anything he says now, as I never ever thought he would do this ,
I literally hate him for what he has done to me and my family and wish I could turn the love off too, but I guess in time this will come ,
did yours say why he did it ? Xx
I think it's the "literally had no idea " shock of it all but then now I see why would we know and how could we have known, they went to great lengths to deceive us,
mine said it was only 3 weeks but I can't believe anything he says now, as I never ever thought he would do this ,
I literally hate him for what he has done to me and my family and wish I could turn the love off too, but I guess in time this will come ,
did yours say why he did it ? Xx
Hi again Ellen,
I've literally had no contact with my ex since the day of arrest. I work with children and will not risk my career for him. He made his choices. This means I've never directly discussed it with him or spoken to him about why he did it. For me though, he could never give me a reason that in my eyes would be good enough so I accept I'll never know and even if I did, I wouldn't change my mind. I totally understand that everyone's choices and responses are individual and people have to do what is right for them but for me cutting him clean out of my life was the right thing and I do not regret it at all.
Take care
Gem x
I've literally had no contact with my ex since the day of arrest. I work with children and will not risk my career for him. He made his choices. This means I've never directly discussed it with him or spoken to him about why he did it. For me though, he could never give me a reason that in my eyes would be good enough so I accept I'll never know and even if I did, I wouldn't change my mind. I totally understand that everyone's choices and responses are individual and people have to do what is right for them but for me cutting him clean out of my life was the right thing and I do not regret it at all.
Take care
Gem x
Post deleted by user
I did not see my ex from the day of arrest. I have children, who aren't his, and no way was I even putting them at any potential risk. They come first. He's the adult, he had to accept my decision. However, I had many, many unanswered questions. Mainly what was he accused off as the police couldn't give out that information. Except for the general info. I did contact him around 5 months later. I heard his side. But I still don't have the answers. I have been in touch as I love him and support him from the sidelines. But he won't have anything to do with my children. He is also not allowed to see his own children. Personally, in my heart of hearts, I know he's not a threat to my kids. However, I will not take that risk. Or allow SS into their lives for something I haven't done. I'm safeguarding them myself. But I love my ex. And worry about him. And hope it's over for him soon.
Partner,
I’ve done the same. My son is not his and there’s no way I’m letting him get caught up in this. Call from SS was bad enough ( they’ve closed the case as I said my son will never have any contact with my ex again)
i know what the police have told me and the gist of things from what my ex told me . I believe he has had a problem with this for a while.
I’m having his baby though, so that will be a whole other issue.
Part of me wants to offer him support from the sidelines, but the rest of me can’t even bear to think of him and what he has done. C
I’ve done the same. My son is not his and there’s no way I’m letting him get caught up in this. Call from SS was bad enough ( they’ve closed the case as I said my son will never have any contact with my ex again)
i know what the police have told me and the gist of things from what my ex told me . I believe he has had a problem with this for a while.
I’m having his baby though, so that will be a whole other issue.
Part of me wants to offer him support from the sidelines, but the rest of me can’t even bear to think of him and what he has done. C
Hi Andrea,
I also struggled a lot with my feelings but through counselling, running and reaching out to others I'm learning to accept them. I sometimes feel that I am not a good person for just cutting him out but then I remind myself that his choices do not define me. Everyone in this situation is brave and strong no matter what they decide to do. I completely get why others would choose to stay with their partners and that's right for them. We have no children together and I'm financially independent and will not risk my professional reputation. I've worked hard to build my career. For me walking away is the right thing. Never feel a bad person for doing what you know is right for you. I am so pleased my post helped you. I read these quite often but don't post too much and even just reading this forum has brought me so much comfort as I know I'm not alone.
Love to everyone
Gem x
I also struggled a lot with my feelings but through counselling, running and reaching out to others I'm learning to accept them. I sometimes feel that I am not a good person for just cutting him out but then I remind myself that his choices do not define me. Everyone in this situation is brave and strong no matter what they decide to do. I completely get why others would choose to stay with their partners and that's right for them. We have no children together and I'm financially independent and will not risk my professional reputation. I've worked hard to build my career. For me walking away is the right thing. Never feel a bad person for doing what you know is right for you. I am so pleased my post helped you. I read these quite often but don't post too much and even just reading this forum has brought me so much comfort as I know I'm not alone.
Love to everyone
Gem x
Hi to all
it is an absolute disgrace that the above post is on here. For someone to target the people on here with this nonsense is awful. It's bad enough what we are all going through without some idiot coming along with a bloody scam!!!!! Grrrrrr, blood boiling.
it is an absolute disgrace that the above post is on here. For someone to target the people on here with this nonsense is awful. It's bad enough what we are all going through without some idiot coming along with a bloody scam!!!!! Grrrrrr, blood boiling.
Hi Ellen,
Unfortunately these posts do come up and don't know why. Maybe a bot? I just report the posts and normally get removed the next day.
Hope you are doing ok in the circumstances.
Big hugs
Unfortunately these posts do come up and don't know why. Maybe a bot? I just report the posts and normally get removed the next day.
Hope you are doing ok in the circumstances.
Big hugs
Hi
thanfully the guru doctor post has gone. Thank you to admin!
thanfully the guru doctor post has gone. Thank you to admin!