Court today
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So a person has been appointed to talk to my 8 year old granddaughter at school to see how she feels about having contact with her dad who she hasn't seen in 6 months. He's under supervised contact at present.
Has anyone had experience of this happening to their family
Has anyone had experience of this happening to their family
Hi Tulip,
Yes our grandsons were spoken to at school by a child protection SW very soon after their Dad was arrested but it was to find out if they might have been abused by him rather than to do with contact. They had a few visits like that and after a bit it was decided that they could see him, as long as it was supervised by us (we had to have an assessment too but it wasn't especially long or detailed). Before he actually saw them he had some FaceTimes, again supervised by us where he was living at the time. I'm not sure who he has been having the supervised contact with so far, or is it just that his bail conditions say that contact has to be supervised but so far he hasn't been allowed to have any at all?
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this - you don't say if her Dad is your son or son-in-law/daughter's partner but I know only too well what a difficult thing it is when this situation erupts in a family.
Let us know if we can help with anything going forward.
Yes our grandsons were spoken to at school by a child protection SW very soon after their Dad was arrested but it was to find out if they might have been abused by him rather than to do with contact. They had a few visits like that and after a bit it was decided that they could see him, as long as it was supervised by us (we had to have an assessment too but it wasn't especially long or detailed). Before he actually saw them he had some FaceTimes, again supervised by us where he was living at the time. I'm not sure who he has been having the supervised contact with so far, or is it just that his bail conditions say that contact has to be supervised but so far he hasn't been allowed to have any at all?
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this - you don't say if her Dad is your son or son-in-law/daughter's partner but I know only too well what a difficult thing it is when this situation erupts in a family.
Let us know if we can help with anything going forward.
Thanks for your post, it was helpful.
It's my son-in-law. My heart is breaking for what my daughter and kids are going through at the moment
It's my son-in-law. My heart is breaking for what my daughter and kids are going through at the moment
That is so difficult for you, for us it was our son but complicatd by the fact that his ex was emotionally abusive and has now had the children removed from her care by court order (they now live with us and we supervise our son's contact with them and take them to see their maternal family where their mum has supervised contact) These situations are rarely easy to unravel and especially hard when you want to take the pain away from your daughter and the grandchildren but can't.
It sounds as if you are concerned about the possibility of contact with their dad being damaging for your grandaughter (sorry if that's a wrong assumption). We were in the unusual situation that in fact SS saw our son as being a stabilising part of the children's life, albeit they were 100% strict about the impact of his offences on the risk to them. He has now been sentenced (suspended) but so far is still adhering to SS expectations of only supervised contact and he can't stay overnight with them even with us there, even though there are no restrictions on contact from his sentencing.
We found that as grandparents we had very little say in anything officially despite being close to the children, as it sounds you are. What helped us was having an understanding SW assigned to the family, who listened to us and our opinions and was respectful of our part and importance to the children. Is there a SW involved with your daughter? Do you have any access to them personally to unofficially say what you think?
Forgive me if I'm overthinking this as perhaps you only posted for some facts, rather than a long sermon on irrelevant things. My posts usually run away with me, my family often have to say 'short version please!' to me when I'm in mid flow :)
It sounds as if you are concerned about the possibility of contact with their dad being damaging for your grandaughter (sorry if that's a wrong assumption). We were in the unusual situation that in fact SS saw our son as being a stabilising part of the children's life, albeit they were 100% strict about the impact of his offences on the risk to them. He has now been sentenced (suspended) but so far is still adhering to SS expectations of only supervised contact and he can't stay overnight with them even with us there, even though there are no restrictions on contact from his sentencing.
We found that as grandparents we had very little say in anything officially despite being close to the children, as it sounds you are. What helped us was having an understanding SW assigned to the family, who listened to us and our opinions and was respectful of our part and importance to the children. Is there a SW involved with your daughter? Do you have any access to them personally to unofficially say what you think?
Forgive me if I'm overthinking this as perhaps you only posted for some facts, rather than a long sermon on irrelevant things. My posts usually run away with me, my family often have to say 'short version please!' to me when I'm in mid flow :)
I'm thankful for your post. I've not come across any other grandparents on this site going through situations like ours.
It must be very stressful for you having your grandchildren staying and having to navigate all the contacts with their dad, mum and extended family.
Grandchildren are wonderful but very hard work as we get older. If you don't mind me asking how old are they ?
I have an 8 year old and twin 3 year old.
Regarding my situation he wants supervised access at his mum's address but my daughter wants either herself, me or my husband there too in the beginning to make sure the kids are okay.
Why should he get to dictate visitation rights so that's where the sticking point is.
He has totally ignored her and the kids since he was arrested on 30th July and we only found out about the charges this Friday which made shocking reading.
My daughter did have a SW in the beginning but they closed the case a few months after as they had no issues with the children. After that my daughter was left in limbo land.
Thanks again for replying.
Take care
It must be very stressful for you having your grandchildren staying and having to navigate all the contacts with their dad, mum and extended family.
Grandchildren are wonderful but very hard work as we get older. If you don't mind me asking how old are they ?
I have an 8 year old and twin 3 year old.
Regarding my situation he wants supervised access at his mum's address but my daughter wants either herself, me or my husband there too in the beginning to make sure the kids are okay.
Why should he get to dictate visitation rights so that's where the sticking point is.
He has totally ignored her and the kids since he was arrested on 30th July and we only found out about the charges this Friday which made shocking reading.
My daughter did have a SW in the beginning but they closed the case a few months after as they had no issues with the children. After that my daughter was left in limbo land.
Thanks again for replying.
Take care
Hi Tulip,
Both my grandchildren were also spoken to and assessed by the social worker while they were at school/nursery. I don't think its unusual judging by the way the school dealt with it.
Both my grandchildren were also spoken to and assessed by the social worker while they were at school/nursery. I don't think its unusual judging by the way the school dealt with it.
