Understanding emotion
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I have been with my OH for 10years we have grown a life together. Recently he was arrested for child sex offences. He's home. I know what he's done hes been very open. His mental health plummeted.
Since this happened I have so much conflicting feelings... I love him so much that side of him is not who I know. I also hate him, mortified... im tariffied of the future. We've been told it'll take months for the police to finish the investigation but I feel like im under a microscope too. My home was gone through by police, my own personal images exposed.
I guess I am just wondering what I do now. Is breaking up with him my only option? If I dont how do I deal with the guilt? Feelings of hatred and fear of scrutiny?
Since this happened I have so much conflicting feelings... I love him so much that side of him is not who I know. I also hate him, mortified... im tariffied of the future. We've been told it'll take months for the police to finish the investigation but I feel like im under a microscope too. My home was gone through by police, my own personal images exposed.
I guess I am just wondering what I do now. Is breaking up with him my only option? If I dont how do I deal with the guilt? Feelings of hatred and fear of scrutiny?
Hello,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum. We wanted to contribute to your thread as it seems you have not received a response just yet, but we hope that some of our Forum users will be able to respond to offer you some support soon. Our Forum is quite active, so occasionally posts may be missed, but we encourage you to check in frequently for a reply, as responses often come in with time.
In the meantime, if you have not already reached out, I would gently encourage you to contact our Stop It Now helpline. It is a free, confidential, and anonymous service available on 0808 1000 900. Our trained advisors are there to listen, explore your situation with you, and provide tailored support. You can find more information about the helpline and chat service, as well as our opening hours here.
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Take care,
The Forum Team
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum. We wanted to contribute to your thread as it seems you have not received a response just yet, but we hope that some of our Forum users will be able to respond to offer you some support soon. Our Forum is quite active, so occasionally posts may be missed, but we encourage you to check in frequently for a reply, as responses often come in with time.
In the meantime, if you have not already reached out, I would gently encourage you to contact our Stop It Now helpline. It is a free, confidential, and anonymous service available on 0808 1000 900. Our trained advisors are there to listen, explore your situation with you, and provide tailored support. You can find more information about the helpline and chat service, as well as our opening hours here.
We hope that someone will respond to your post soon, so that you can receive some support from our Forum users.
Take care,
The Forum Team
Clefairy, I am 5 years into this and have stayed with my OH. It's not the easy choice and we have gone through some very low points.
I felt I wanted to try and keep the family together, even though I was reeling with what had happened. Since the initial arrest, we had a long wait and then a prison sentence. Even now we are only just rebuilding our relationship and are just about to start couple therapy. It is possible to stay together but you've got to believe in your partner's willingness to be totally honest and want to make a permanent change for the better. They also need to totally own up to what they have done.
Good luck.
I felt I wanted to try and keep the family together, even though I was reeling with what had happened. Since the initial arrest, we had a long wait and then a prison sentence. Even now we are only just rebuilding our relationship and are just about to start couple therapy. It is possible to stay together but you've got to believe in your partner's willingness to be totally honest and want to make a permanent change for the better. They also need to totally own up to what they have done.
Good luck.
Hi, firstly Im so sorry this has happened to you.
I know the limbo you are in right now, mine all started in 2022.
I fought for my husband to be back in the house for Christmas for our boys. Unfortunately my love goggles were still on and I believed what he said. After he stole money for drugs I kicked him out. To then find out he had been sending g videos and photos of me to now 7 people I know of, as well as putting me on a website.
I will admit now he seems to have changed his ways and back to the old him. But i will never be with him again.
All im saying is make sure you have all the facts before you make a decision. Mental health and drug problems dont seem to send women down this path.
Please think about yourself, this may sound harsh but these men wernt thinking about us whilst doing what they were. Im saying this from a very broken heart even 4 years later.
Do whats best for you. Xx
I know the limbo you are in right now, mine all started in 2022.
I fought for my husband to be back in the house for Christmas for our boys. Unfortunately my love goggles were still on and I believed what he said. After he stole money for drugs I kicked him out. To then find out he had been sending g videos and photos of me to now 7 people I know of, as well as putting me on a website.
I will admit now he seems to have changed his ways and back to the old him. But i will never be with him again.
All im saying is make sure you have all the facts before you make a decision. Mental health and drug problems dont seem to send women down this path.
Please think about yourself, this may sound harsh but these men wernt thinking about us whilst doing what they were. Im saying this from a very broken heart even 4 years later.
Do whats best for you. Xx
It can be so difficult to know how to approach these types of conversations or where to even begin, so having this kind of perspective is much appreciated. It’s a good reminder that there are resources out there to help navigate things step-by-step.
I'm 4 years post knock and it took me nearly a year to leave. I had the threats of suicide but no signs of true remorse. Ultimately my boys wanted nothing to do with their father - they are in their 20s so adults so wasn't going to challenge their decision) So if I stayed then my relationship with my children would suffer. I also knew the offending would never truly go away and I didn't want to live the rest of my life that way.
I had been married for over 30 years. I have been divorced a few months. Life is now good again but it was a bumpy road to get here.
I have zero regrets - even more so as I've recently found out he is back in prison. His lying knew no bounds apparently and they caught him out.
There isn't a right or wrong course of action but I made the decision for me and no one else. And it turns out I'm much stronger than I thought
I had been married for over 30 years. I have been divorced a few months. Life is now good again but it was a bumpy road to get here.
I have zero regrets - even more so as I've recently found out he is back in prison. His lying knew no bounds apparently and they caught him out.
There isn't a right or wrong course of action but I made the decision for me and no one else. And it turns out I'm much stronger than I thought
