Am I going to be able to have kids?
Notifications OFF
Hi everyone. So hard writing on here at first but there is so much comfort in knowing others have been through the same situation.
I am 29, my parter was arrested in July 2019. We are waiting patiently for him to appear in court for his plea, in which he is going to plead guilty.
we were supposed to be getting married July 2020, the wedding has now been cancelled. I have decided to stay with him and try and get through this as a couple because I love him so much. But I am starting to question what the future looks like.
He had a small amount of pictures found, no videos and never communicated with anyone or anything like that. I understand he will appear on SOR, for how long I'm not sure.. but I'm just starting to question is this going to prevent us from having children in the future? Is Social work going to be involved for the rest of my life?
My life was supposed to be so exciting this next few months, getting married, starting a new life and now it's in absolute tatters. We had spoke about having kids a couple of years into the marriage but not I don't know what to expect.
is there anyone out there who didn't have kids pre chap at the door and maybe do now that could offer reassurance.
The whole process is so long and draining. Some times I just feel I can't wait any longer for this to go to court. Life is in ruins and we are just at the mercy of the courts. It's unbearable ???? x
I am 29, my parter was arrested in July 2019. We are waiting patiently for him to appear in court for his plea, in which he is going to plead guilty.
we were supposed to be getting married July 2020, the wedding has now been cancelled. I have decided to stay with him and try and get through this as a couple because I love him so much. But I am starting to question what the future looks like.
He had a small amount of pictures found, no videos and never communicated with anyone or anything like that. I understand he will appear on SOR, for how long I'm not sure.. but I'm just starting to question is this going to prevent us from having children in the future? Is Social work going to be involved for the rest of my life?
My life was supposed to be so exciting this next few months, getting married, starting a new life and now it's in absolute tatters. We had spoke about having kids a couple of years into the marriage but not I don't know what to expect.
is there anyone out there who didn't have kids pre chap at the door and maybe do now that could offer reassurance.
The whole process is so long and draining. Some times I just feel I can't wait any longer for this to go to court. Life is in ruins and we are just at the mercy of the courts. It's unbearable ???? x
Hiya,
I just wanted to reach out as me and you are in the same boat. Same age, staying with partner and hopes for children in the future. Only difference we got married during this process and we are still in limbo land waiting for sentence. My husband stumbled across this dark path because of porn addiction, and as you said my imagination of engagement and married life has been far from what I expected. I just try to keep reminding myself this situation isn't forever and will get better.
With regards to social service involvement I believe it will be for as long as your partner is on the register. The amount of involvement will depend on the outcome of the risk assessment on your husband and on you. Your risk assessment will purely be on your ability to put your child first and is just routine protocol due to mappa I think.
I to would be keen to hear from others who got through to the other side then started a family.
I hope your okay and staying strong on this journey. I know how hard it is with the rollercoaster of emotions. I just keep telling myself just because things haven't turned out how I imagined doesn't mean the future won't be better than I thought. I know one things for sure if me and husband get through this, then we will certainly get through anything else life has to offer!
Have you had good support from family and friends? Xxx
I just wanted to reach out as me and you are in the same boat. Same age, staying with partner and hopes for children in the future. Only difference we got married during this process and we are still in limbo land waiting for sentence. My husband stumbled across this dark path because of porn addiction, and as you said my imagination of engagement and married life has been far from what I expected. I just try to keep reminding myself this situation isn't forever and will get better.
With regards to social service involvement I believe it will be for as long as your partner is on the register. The amount of involvement will depend on the outcome of the risk assessment on your husband and on you. Your risk assessment will purely be on your ability to put your child first and is just routine protocol due to mappa I think.
I to would be keen to hear from others who got through to the other side then started a family.
I hope your okay and staying strong on this journey. I know how hard it is with the rollercoaster of emotions. I just keep telling myself just because things haven't turned out how I imagined doesn't mean the future won't be better than I thought. I know one things for sure if me and husband get through this, then we will certainly get through anything else life has to offer!
Have you had good support from family and friends? Xxx
Hi, so sorry that you find yourself here.
Yes it is possible to have children. We had the knock in July 2018, having married in May 2018, and my husband was sentenced in April 2019. I fell pregnant in October 2018 and our son was born in July 2019. Having SS involvement is tough however things can work out.
Our son was placed on a child protection plan before he was born and when he arrived I had to go and live with my parents as I was deemed not to be a protective parent (I did not and still do not believe my husband would ever harm our son). We lived there for just over three months then were allowed to move back home in November 2019 after an independent risk assessment was completed and the outcome of that assessment was that my husband is no risk to our son now or in the future and I am protective. There are no restrictions on my husband in terms of our son, he does not have to be supervised while looking after him. Our son was downgraded to a child in need plan in January and, all being well in 3 months time (so around April), SS have said they will close our case.
Yes it is possible to have children. We had the knock in July 2018, having married in May 2018, and my husband was sentenced in April 2019. I fell pregnant in October 2018 and our son was born in July 2019. Having SS involvement is tough however things can work out.
Our son was placed on a child protection plan before he was born and when he arrived I had to go and live with my parents as I was deemed not to be a protective parent (I did not and still do not believe my husband would ever harm our son). We lived there for just over three months then were allowed to move back home in November 2019 after an independent risk assessment was completed and the outcome of that assessment was that my husband is no risk to our son now or in the future and I am protective. There are no restrictions on my husband in terms of our son, he does not have to be supervised while looking after him. Our son was downgraded to a child in need plan in January and, all being well in 3 months time (so around April), SS have said they will close our case.
Hi slowly sinking in, your story definitely gives alot of us some hope. We had a child pre knock albeit he was still a baby. I had always imagined us having more children. How did you arrange the independent assessment? Who was it with? I'd be interested in getting this arranged as it may help in future with social work involvement.
Hi Kate,
SS arranged the independent assessment as part of their assessments of me as my husband. It was a gentleman named Steve Lowe who completed the assessments. X
SS arranged the independent assessment as part of their assessments of me as my husband. It was a gentleman named Steve Lowe who completed the assessments. X
Hey. Thanks so much for replies.
It's only immediate family that have been told at this stage and both girls who were going to be my bridesmaids as I had to give reasons for cancelling the wedding. One friend doesn't support decision to stay with him and one is trying her very best. My mum is the same, she wanted me to leave him originally but is trying to be supportive now. I am very close with his family but a lot of the time, it doesn't get spoke about.
Like you, I would love to hear from others that have had children since.. It's such a big weight on my mind. I feel like everyday different things worry me.
Some days I just feel I can't carry on anymore. It's the waiting, being in limbo - this is punishment in itself. I got a phonecall about being a witness and they told me they were hoping to have him plea before March but only one week to go and no sign of anything moving.
I'm exhausted with it all. I took 3 months off work when it first happened but feel I'm still not coping and need more time off but everyone keeps telling me not to.
It just feels like I can't carry on. People in work have no idea what is happening :(
Wish there was some way to push things along. Xx
It's only immediate family that have been told at this stage and both girls who were going to be my bridesmaids as I had to give reasons for cancelling the wedding. One friend doesn't support decision to stay with him and one is trying her very best. My mum is the same, she wanted me to leave him originally but is trying to be supportive now. I am very close with his family but a lot of the time, it doesn't get spoke about.
Like you, I would love to hear from others that have had children since.. It's such a big weight on my mind. I feel like everyday different things worry me.
Some days I just feel I can't carry on anymore. It's the waiting, being in limbo - this is punishment in itself. I got a phonecall about being a witness and they told me they were hoping to have him plea before March but only one week to go and no sign of anything moving.
I'm exhausted with it all. I took 3 months off work when it first happened but feel I'm still not coping and need more time off but everyone keeps telling me not to.
It just feels like I can't carry on. People in work have no idea what is happening :(
Wish there was some way to push things along. Xx