Hi there, I can definitely relate to all of that, the feelings are so conflicting. I am trying to remember who he is, despite the awful offence, and trying to trust both him and my own judgement that he is a good person. I'm afraid I'm going through the same thing so I don't have any advice but I hope it helps to know you're not alone. Here if you wanted to message me x

Sorry you are struggling so much. Goes with the territory i think :(. Have you called the helpline for a chat about how you are feeling? Might be helpful?

Go well.

I can so relate. As much as I love my Son (the world over) I too have conflicting feelings, like yourself - of shame, disgust and resentment of why on earth he would put us through what has been the worst time of our lives by far.

im going to put my neck on the line here, but il go as far to say that it's a baggage that I will carry for the rest of my life and an invisible wedge that will no doubt always be there lurking in even years to come. Some days il be honest I've felt like walking away from him, and as a mother I'm ashamed to say that. A nightmare beyond anything ever. Sending love to you all x

I'd say it's normal some days I could scream WHY at him for what he's done and some days I cry for him as he looks helpless

I guess time is a great healer so just take it one day at a time is my advice

Get outside for a walk and just breathe there are 100s of us going through this together

just reach out to us as we are all in this horrible situation x

Hi, I don't think any of us can say what is a normal reaction, We're a few weeks since the 'knock' and somehow it wasn't the first thing I thought about when I woke up yesterday. Then I felt guilty for not thinking about it. Then I felt angry at me, him, the police, the world and wanted to not get out of bed. The scale of this problem is so huge, its never really talked about in the press and the amount of young people getting into lifechanging trouble needs to be known. however because of the shame of it, we can't talk about it openly to anyone. Keep strong and post/message on here when you need to, its so sad but it helps to know your're not alone.

I'm v close to my ex mother in law She says she loves her son but doesn't understand why and what he did He has offered no explanation or apology

So how does he repay her? By getting himself arrested again as he cannot stop lying.

What would I do in her shoes? I really don't know.

I managed to get him out of my life but she doesn't have that option

Hi. I can't offer advice as I'm only 1 week on from the knock. My adult son was mid 'vigilante sting' when I arrived home from shopping. I just want you to know your not alone. I feel so isolated despite having a good family, but I've just wroimy first post on the forum. All we can do is keep in touch with each other in here and try to keep sane. Much love x

I have just been made aware of my youngest son downloading this vile stuff but I can't get my head around it I am not sleeping I believe it is from groomers on the internet and they have abused our child and seeking answers.



havent slept for days and when I try I'm startled awake thinking I need to move away as friends wont get this and I will be beaten up or killed when it comes out.



why do they have to make it more worse than it already is to us who don't need the backlash while dealing with this horrendous thing. Where are they not protecting the children from the vigilantes that will want to hurt everyone. Not just our son life ruined from their behaviour ours is also.

As i wanted to hurt him for doing it and that is my son. Now I don't know who he is kills me.



like he has pulled the will over our eyes to his behaviour. And now I don't wish to be around him. As he has ruined all our lives.

Woody sorry you find yourself here, it is the most difficult place to find yourself as a mother.

I also went through all the emotions in the early days, anger, sadness, shame. It's like grief. We're 5 months in now and I've come to understand that he is still the same lovely boy that he always was and that hasn't changed. What he's done is shocking but just one part of who he is. For a number of reasons he found himself in a very dark place. You don't say how old your son is, but if like mine he's a teenager/ young man then I think there's a complex set of factors that are leading them down this unhealthy path - loneliness, bullying, teenage development/ sexual development, neurodivergence combined with a very dangerous online world where the way social media works almost pushes young men down certain paths, creates addiction etc.

I found some articles helpful in understanding what's happening - here are a couple in case they help:

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/dec/04/thousands-young-people-caught-watching-online-child-abuse-images-scary-figures-show-england-wales



https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/aug/18/children-exposure-to-porn-online-safety-act-commissioner



https://www.ofcom.org.uk/siteassets/resources/documents/research-and-data/online-research/keeping-children-safe-online/experiences-of-children/understanding-pathways-to-online-violent-content-among-children.pdf?v=368021



It is a terrible shock and has repercussions for the whole family. The process takes a really long time because so much of this is happening, the police are overwhelmed and can't keep up. We've been told 12-18 months for it to conclude which is so difficult for everyone. We still love our son beyond words and are standing by him and will support him to get better and move past it in the hope that this will be the most difficult of lessons but he will have a positive future ahead of him. We've chosen to only tell a very small number of close family and friends at this point.



In the early days it's really difficult but over time it gets easier and you learn to live alongside it. I tried not to think too far ahead and focused on what I could control, which isn't much! I haven't used the helpline but others really recommend it and that might be a good place to start. You're not alone in this.