What do I do..
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hi, I'm new to the forum and I'm so glad to finally have somewhere to turn to offload.
I've been with ny OH for 25 years and he was arrested in October last year while I was at work and charged this week for downloading 4 pictures. 1 cat b and 3 cat c.
We had a very healthy sex life and shared fantasies etc but I never thought in a million years he would be capable of this. He has a drug problem that he says is a major - only - contributing factor. He said he knew the girls were 15/16 and he deleted the very next day and felt disgusted with himself. But I can't understand- it makes feel physically sick. How can he find that a turn on?
im so ANGRY, disappointed and disgusted with him.. but I'm so confused because I still love him .. how can that be? I hate him at the same time and I want to leave.. but I also don't. I am in turmoil and really don't know what to do .
We have 2 adult sons who were home when he was arrested (happened late afternoon) and they have been amazing and will support me and him no matter what.
can a marriage be saved? Can you forgive? Can you forget.
thank you for reading and letting me vent. I feel so alone.
I've been with ny OH for 25 years and he was arrested in October last year while I was at work and charged this week for downloading 4 pictures. 1 cat b and 3 cat c.
We had a very healthy sex life and shared fantasies etc but I never thought in a million years he would be capable of this. He has a drug problem that he says is a major - only - contributing factor. He said he knew the girls were 15/16 and he deleted the very next day and felt disgusted with himself. But I can't understand- it makes feel physically sick. How can he find that a turn on?
im so ANGRY, disappointed and disgusted with him.. but I'm so confused because I still love him .. how can that be? I hate him at the same time and I want to leave.. but I also don't. I am in turmoil and really don't know what to do .
We have 2 adult sons who were home when he was arrested (happened late afternoon) and they have been amazing and will support me and him no matter what.
can a marriage be saved? Can you forgive? Can you forget.
thank you for reading and letting me vent. I feel so alone.
I was married for over 30 years with 2 adults children. Police turned up at my work to tell me.
I've had no real explanation except a porn addition which I see simply as a get out clause. Blamed everything else - even me. I thought I could save the marriage but after 10 months I decided enough was enough, that the offending would n very ever go away and I didn't want to live like that
Turns out I've been proved right as he is a habitual liar and even though he went to prison he has since been rearrested for breaking the conditions of being in the SOR
I'm now of the thinking that leopards can't and don't change their spots but that's just me
I've had no real explanation except a porn addition which I see simply as a get out clause. Blamed everything else - even me. I thought I could save the marriage but after 10 months I decided enough was enough, that the offending would n very ever go away and I didn't want to live like that
Turns out I've been proved right as he is a habitual liar and even though he went to prison he has since been rearrested for breaking the conditions of being in the SOR
I'm now of the thinking that leopards can't and don't change their spots but that's just me
I am in the same situation as you. My person was arrested in november 2025 as I was leaving for work I was asked by 4 PO to come back inside my 2 children were in the house and witnessed their dad being arrested. We've been together 24 years and I am broken. I know how remoursful he is and he's doing all he can to change his ways all whilst battling crippling depression. He's signed up for safer lives course which he's started and paying for. His bail has been extended again so it's a waiting game for us. He's having supervised contact with our kids 3 times a week. I am supervising the contact which is hard as I don't get a break
I understand how you feel as I for sure feel like I'm on a rollercoaster and want to get off but can't.
I understand how you feel as I for sure feel like I'm on a rollercoaster and want to get off but can't.
Its is 100% a personal choice if you stay with them or not. Take time to think before you choose. You can be supportive towards them and be seperate if that is easier.
I chose to stay with my husband. It was a difficult decision. I had to think where is my line for forgiveness and was I capable of forgiving his actions. My husbands reaction after being arrested was really what set my answer to staying. He didnt deny, he just cried and apologised that his actions are going to cause me hell. He answered our questions and respected our boundaries. He instantly tried to take action to help himself. I dont think I would have stayed if he hadn't been so honest.
I chose to stay with my husband. It was a difficult decision. I had to think where is my line for forgiveness and was I capable of forgiving his actions. My husbands reaction after being arrested was really what set my answer to staying. He didnt deny, he just cried and apologised that his actions are going to cause me hell. He answered our questions and respected our boundaries. He instantly tried to take action to help himself. I dont think I would have stayed if he hadn't been so honest.
Sunshine and rainbows- how long ago was your experience. I feel like he's still in the investigation phase and I cannot think straight yet never mind make a decision of what will happen to our marriage and family. I'm so scared whatever decision I make I'm either going lose the love of my life or lose friends.
Lou189 he was arrested December 2024, forensics back June 2025 and he was sentence in January.
We have been very lucky I will say that and I know this isnt usually the case. Everyone we have told so far has been really understanding. I dont know if they feel sorry for me so are being nice or what. But it is nice to not have everyone telling me im an idiot for staying.
You dont have to commit to any decision any time soon. There is no time limit.
We have been very lucky I will say that and I know this isnt usually the case. Everyone we have told so far has been really understanding. I dont know if they feel sorry for me so are being nice or what. But it is nice to not have everyone telling me im an idiot for staying.
You dont have to commit to any decision any time soon. There is no time limit.