Going out of my mind
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I have not posted since the knock last March 2025. I feel very lost and people who are not going through this just don't seem to understand and objecting their views and opinions on to me .
unfortunately the knock came 4 days after my mum passed away after a long nasty cancer battle and as my husbands family were all present at the funeral I had no choice to tell people we had separated and a few friends the true reason why as up until the knock we were very happy or so I thought .
since then I have done the inform course which really helped me understand the offending from my husbands point of view .
my husband was sexually abused as a teenager and my husband is also ADHD , I can see how he went down this rabbit hole . My husband used the IIOC as part of a fantasy to deal with the abuse except in the fantasy he always in charge of the girls Who abused him.
For the first 3 months after the knock I had no contact with him as I could not face him. He genuinely believed as he had not paid for the IIOC and obtained these of the normal web not the the deak web that he wasn't hurting anyone , how wrong he was , thankfully he no longer thinks like this .
since the arrest, he completed the inform course which he paid a substantial amount to do , he is also paying a private sexually offending therapist every 2 weeks for therapy and both myself and husband have technology on our phones to stop him accessing adult content and I control his internet activity and get daily reports .
What I can't understand is how he appears to lot be fighting for his wife and son , I don't know at this stage if we have a future and it comes across to me like he doesn't care . He hasn't worked for 2 years , he has moved 2 hours away to live with his elderly parents as he has nowhere else to go . His brother and sister j law as and my family has disowned him as have our close friends who are supporting me and our son .
I work full time 35 hours a week , I'm not eligible for benefits and I have 6 year old . I'm really struggling that he can't or won't get job for his convicted ( three are about 6000 images ) I'd like to see him sending money so I can get a cleaner to help out or money so we can get a few takeaways to take the pressure of me but how much of this is the ADHD and iow much is laziness or his mental health ?
Unfortunately I've lost so called friends , one of whom was my best friend of 35 years , they all think my son has been abused and groomed by my husband and he will start abusing their children and they believe I will get complacent and will slip up on my bail conditions . All I want is for my son to have happy childhood memories and try and provide a "normal" family time , whatever normal is .
im about to return to work after 8 weeks off with my mental health, the being stuck in limbo is literally killing me . His file was passed to the CPS in December . My therapist is going to start EDMR with me as I'm still having nightmares of the and regular visions of the knock which is effecting my sleep .
ive lost so much these last 12 months , grieving my mum , my marriage and now grieving lost friendships was not something I was expecting when things get difficult people really do show their true colours which can't be repainted .
sorry for the long post I just needed to get things off my chest , im so lost and lonely and confused and thank you for taking the time to read xxxxx
unfortunately the knock came 4 days after my mum passed away after a long nasty cancer battle and as my husbands family were all present at the funeral I had no choice to tell people we had separated and a few friends the true reason why as up until the knock we were very happy or so I thought .
since then I have done the inform course which really helped me understand the offending from my husbands point of view .
my husband was sexually abused as a teenager and my husband is also ADHD , I can see how he went down this rabbit hole . My husband used the IIOC as part of a fantasy to deal with the abuse except in the fantasy he always in charge of the girls Who abused him.
For the first 3 months after the knock I had no contact with him as I could not face him. He genuinely believed as he had not paid for the IIOC and obtained these of the normal web not the the deak web that he wasn't hurting anyone , how wrong he was , thankfully he no longer thinks like this .
since the arrest, he completed the inform course which he paid a substantial amount to do , he is also paying a private sexually offending therapist every 2 weeks for therapy and both myself and husband have technology on our phones to stop him accessing adult content and I control his internet activity and get daily reports .
What I can't understand is how he appears to lot be fighting for his wife and son , I don't know at this stage if we have a future and it comes across to me like he doesn't care . He hasn't worked for 2 years , he has moved 2 hours away to live with his elderly parents as he has nowhere else to go . His brother and sister j law as and my family has disowned him as have our close friends who are supporting me and our son .
I work full time 35 hours a week , I'm not eligible for benefits and I have 6 year old . I'm really struggling that he can't or won't get job for his convicted ( three are about 6000 images ) I'd like to see him sending money so I can get a cleaner to help out or money so we can get a few takeaways to take the pressure of me but how much of this is the ADHD and iow much is laziness or his mental health ?
Unfortunately I've lost so called friends , one of whom was my best friend of 35 years , they all think my son has been abused and groomed by my husband and he will start abusing their children and they believe I will get complacent and will slip up on my bail conditions . All I want is for my son to have happy childhood memories and try and provide a "normal" family time , whatever normal is .
im about to return to work after 8 weeks off with my mental health, the being stuck in limbo is literally killing me . His file was passed to the CPS in December . My therapist is going to start EDMR with me as I'm still having nightmares of the and regular visions of the knock which is effecting my sleep .
ive lost so much these last 12 months , grieving my mum , my marriage and now grieving lost friendships was not something I was expecting when things get difficult people really do show their true colours which can't be repainted .
sorry for the long post I just needed to get things off my chest , im so lost and lonely and confused and thank you for taking the time to read xxxxx
Hi. Im in a similar situation re IIOC OH but he wants to stay with me and his daughter. Lost family, lost friends and am off long term sick with mental healthh issues. Having seen the state my OH has been in since the knock im not suprised he cant go to work. He is an absolute wreck, distraught and often suicidal. And if yours is anything like mine yes there were lots of pictures, but pictures dont make him a confirmed child molester or an instant danger to anyone elses children. Try talking to him, he probably wants nothing more than to be back with you but is too ashamed and afraid to say so. Sending bug hugs
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond
I am so sorry to hear you are in a similar situation.
You are right the pictures don't mean he is a molester or a danger to children , unfortunately no one else sees it likes this , or wants to talk to him to find out more.
I have everything crosssed for your situation and I hope your mental health improves soon xx
I am so sorry to hear you are in a similar situation.
You are right the pictures don't mean he is a molester or a danger to children , unfortunately no one else sees it likes this , or wants to talk to him to find out more.
I have everything crosssed for your situation and I hope your mental health improves soon xx