How to manage shame
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Once my partner is sentenced people will know and no clue how to deal with comments. Welcome any advice as expecting to be shunned and people will naturally assume predator, although probation report says low risk with 4% risk of reoffending.
Any advice on how to respond or what to do or say very welcome.
Any advice on how to respond or what to do or say very welcome.
This is my worry too. We are a year into the investigation with bail conditions in place. But I worry if there's a conviction, I don't know how to be!
Esp as these things stick, these names stick. I worry for the children too if anyone finds out. Sorry no help but just wanted to let you know your feeelings are valid.
Esp as these things stick, these names stick. I worry for the children too if anyone finds out. Sorry no help but just wanted to let you know your feeelings are valid.
The first thing to know is that you cannot control what people say or do. I am only just learning myself this fact along with, you can only control how you react. Alot will be out of your control.
Saying that, there are things you can do, for example come off social media if you are on, especially if you do not want to read what rubbish keyboard warriors write, but this is if it become public. If there is no media then people might not get to know. I use excuses, he is unwell, didnt want to go etc if people ask why my OH has not gone somewhere. It is hard with family. I just told mine before i thought it through. I have lost friends but gained others. Some who know and some dont and my case was in the media and we have an unusual surname. You would be surprised how little people put two and two together. Hope this helps
Saying that, there are things you can do, for example come off social media if you are on, especially if you do not want to read what rubbish keyboard warriors write, but this is if it become public. If there is no media then people might not get to know. I use excuses, he is unwell, didnt want to go etc if people ask why my OH has not gone somewhere. It is hard with family. I just told mine before i thought it through. I have lost friends but gained others. Some who know and some dont and my case was in the media and we have an unusual surname. You would be surprised how little people put two and two together. Hope this helps
I won't lie and say it is easy but interest soon wanes and people forget about it. I couldn't help myself and read all the comments on social media. Dealing with my neighbours was more problematic - one lot in particular. I had the house graffitied and they burgled me. But I held my head up - especially as the police were always at their door as he was a prolific petty criminal
I lost friends but those that stuck by me were amazing and without them I wouldn't have got through it Those that aren't in my life now I couldn't piss on if they were on fire
I lost friends but those that stuck by me were amazing and without them I wouldn't have got through it Those that aren't in my life now I couldn't piss on if they were on fire
I came off social media. I told my very close family in my own words; as I thought it would be much worse if they found out through the press. I also told a few close friends who were getting very worried about me as I was withdrawing and not giving the whole story. Others I skirt over and make excuses....they just know were separated I don't say why but let the believe he was cheating with people he met online (that's technically true) and I make excuses or omit details when questioned as to why my child is not spending time holidays/overnight etc with their dad. (Supervised access only-with family I don't supervise).
It did get press but only my family who were looking out for it saw and nobody we know has mentioned anything (not to me). You cant worry about what others think; easier said than done but I know I haven't done anything wrong and whenever any similar stories or convictions are on the press or mentioned in general conversation I.e The Prince Andrew saga; I just focus on the poor family. How his daughters must feel and their poor children and how it's going to follow them even though it was before they were born and nothing to do with them. That seems to make people look at it from the other side.
It did get press but only my family who were looking out for it saw and nobody we know has mentioned anything (not to me). You cant worry about what others think; easier said than done but I know I haven't done anything wrong and whenever any similar stories or convictions are on the press or mentioned in general conversation I.e The Prince Andrew saga; I just focus on the poor family. How his daughters must feel and their poor children and how it's going to follow them even though it was before they were born and nothing to do with them. That seems to make people look at it from the other side.