I am in a similar situation and would love advice on this too!

The thing is, you absolutely can leave him. Never ever think you "can't live without" someone. I used to think I " couldn't live without" my husband of almost twenty years, who I'd been with since I was about your age. But then this happened and we had to separate (he couldn't live at home because we have children together) and actually I found I could live without him perfectly well. The first year was tough and there's definitely a mourning process you go through, but you absolutely will be able to live without this guy. This isn't about telling you to break up with him, but about reassuring you that you absolutely could.

Also practically speaking I would think hard about whether you might want to have children or not at some point. There are many posts on here about the extent and stress of SS involvement.

You are so very young still and I know you say it is the best relationship you've ever had. If you choose to leave you will find someone else, there are so many lovely men out there.

I stayed with my husband, ive been with him 13 years known him for 15 years. It has been the hardest decision of my life. If you stay and you want kids be prepared that social services will grt involved, you will likely be made to live seperate because he will be seen as a risk to the baby. Once he is sentence that stays on his record for years. Ive just done a year of utter hell with social services. Im going to need therapy once this is all finally over (we are post sentence and still no where near the end).

Its a LOT to take on if you stay. Take time. There is no rush.

Hiya lovely

you are too young to be dealing with this.
there is still plenty of time to find someone else who doesn't do these things and who treats you right & with the respect you deserve.



in December I received the knock with a handful of police looking for my bf (now ex) for viewing IIOC.

I have seen so many women on here stay and it's ultimately a personal decision and I don't mean this to sound judgy in any way - this thinking is just what has helped me personally:

He lied. He could have got help but chose not to. He didn't care how his actions affected me or anyone else around him. He did it multiple times. He knew it was wrong but kept doing it. Regardless of why he was viewing such things - he still condoned watching the suffering of children.



I've been silent on these forums but one thing I hate is seeing women pick up the pieces for these men. Why should it be our job to fix what they broke? Actions have consequences. I've seen so many women saying their significant other is just going about as normal while they feel their lives are completely ruined and losing friends/family etc. no! You didn't do this. You don't deserve to be punished. He did this. It's his job to sort himself out now. No one else's.



trust me your future is SO bright! It doesn't feel like it now and there will be a lot of ups and downs. You claim to love the person as I did mine - but can we really say we even knew them at all? If they can pull the wool over our eyes with this what else could they be hiding?

im sorry if I come across harsh or bitter but I really am! I loved my person so much and put everything into our relationship - for what? I will never allow myself to be so heart broken over someone not deserving ever again.

It's hard to advise because nobody can ever understand how much awful shit this process throws at you, until you're part of it: family judgement, friends leaving you, threat to your job as well as theirs, the prospect of future children resenting your decision to stay, court appearances, press and media intrusion, constant doubts about your decision and his behaviours, anxiety that never disappears, his dependence on you because you're the only one who has stayed... I could go on...



if I had my time again, I'd leave right at the start.



Please, please think very carefully about what is best for you now, you in a year, you in a decade.

I've been thinking about what to do with someone I got close to and really care about. He lied throughout the time we spent together, about his age and date of birth and ended it with me because he said he was getting back with his ex and it turned out to be a lie and he said he was trying to protect me because he was offended 14 years ago and didn't know how to tell me and he said he couldn't handle me he rejection from me as it's happened before with other ladies but recently he's been arrested again and told me all about it, including about the time before.

I wanted to be there for him just as a friend and just to listen to him to offload as I didn't believe he was evil even now I don't (I don't condone what he's done and I think it's disgusting) He said he was depressed and went back to his past as was abused as a kid.

Moving forward my friends are angry and modified that I could even give him airspace, but it's easier said than done isn't it?

But I can't lose my friends and I've just told him I cannot be there even though I want to.

He said he completely understands and just wants me to be happy. It's so hard but I do feel a bit of a relief.

I would say leave. Cut yourself away from his offending. I'm 3 times as old as you and 4 years down the line and divorced and it still impacts on my life in small ways. Can't imagine what it would be like if I was still with him

You are young and you can rebuild your life



Good luck with whatever you decide

Being direct here, no idea why you are considering staying. Many of us have left marriages committed relationships etc because it's a foul crime that seems to be often linked with cheating and/or a lot of lies.

Parents, they are in a different position and I understand that.

Hi, I'm also a woman in her early 20s, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and he was arrested January last year. It felt like a bomb went off in my life, and I chose to not tell anyone for a few months whilst I let the dust settle and come out of my state of shock.

I chose to stay, but only with the expectation that he would never keep anything from me ever again and turn his life around. It was also with the condition that I would change my mind if it ever got too much. And, despite it all, we still have lots of fun together and share lots of love. He is completely changed, he has been in therapy since Feb last year, has a sponsor for his porn addiction and attends a Sex and Love Addicts anonymous meetings once a week. We discuss what he did whenever I have a question and we keep an open dialogue. We have both disclosed to some really close friends who have been really supportive. I also see a therapist once a week, and makes me feel normal. Ultimately, I know I am young and if I can rebuild my life if I have need to, no decision is permanent for us as we don't have children / aren't married / etc. I've also made sure that I prioritise my life, my work and my aspirations, too. I'm not interested in having children any time soon, so that's a cross to bear in 10 years or so.

So I take each day as it comes, but so far I love him and our lives together, and I trust in his progress that he has changed. It is such a personal decision, I wouldn't judge either way. I just thought you'd want to hear my perspective. Lots of love to you, look after yourself xxx



full transparency he has been charged with "making" 35 images across all categories. Due to go to crown court in March

I'm a dad of 3 daughters amd my son was convicted of this offence

while I think everyone deserves a 2nd chance I think you should walk away that's what I would tell my daughters to do

Listen to your mum

mums are always right x

Hi there

Nobody can tell you what to do but many of us have wisdom of experience. If you can project into the future and give yourself advice what would you say? I am 35 years into a marriage that i am really having to bin off due to this offending behaviour. I have spent my whole life trying to fix him and the grim realities of it have now been revealed since the knock (awaiting trial). Listen to people who you trust and who care for you. If you deal with this now it will be very painful for you for a few months / year. But sticking with him could well lead to absolutely years of it, and you'll never truly in your heart really trust him again. Sad times. Sending you courage and resillience xx