Hello how is everyone doing?
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Not been in for a while. If I'm honest I've been trying to avoid it. Coming on here makes it so much more real. Reading everyone's stories and worries.
My son has been re bailed beginning of feb. Now coming up to 7 months in We've had issues with the detective saying he's going to do something but then fails to do it. He said he talked to us about things which he hasn't. We told the solicitor who just doesn't seem bothered! My son is is at the lowest he's ever been. He's writing himself off. He's got his a levels in may and meant to be starting uni this year. Now he's saying there's no point going. He's convinced he's going to prison (which I'm pretty sure wouldn't happen) I hate this I'm fed up of pretending I'm happy, no one knows this is going on! I just want to hide away which I can't! I know he's done wrong but giving these young people criminal records putting them on the sor seems so wrong! Ive spoken ti many young people and sharing nudes on Snapchat seems to be the thing most of them do. Snapchat should be doing more to stop it! So that's where we are in our hell, how is everyone else doing? Would love to hear from you all xx
My son has been re bailed beginning of feb. Now coming up to 7 months in We've had issues with the detective saying he's going to do something but then fails to do it. He said he talked to us about things which he hasn't. We told the solicitor who just doesn't seem bothered! My son is is at the lowest he's ever been. He's writing himself off. He's got his a levels in may and meant to be starting uni this year. Now he's saying there's no point going. He's convinced he's going to prison (which I'm pretty sure wouldn't happen) I hate this I'm fed up of pretending I'm happy, no one knows this is going on! I just want to hide away which I can't! I know he's done wrong but giving these young people criminal records putting them on the sor seems so wrong! Ive spoken ti many young people and sharing nudes on Snapchat seems to be the thing most of them do. Snapchat should be doing more to stop it! So that's where we are in our hell, how is everyone else doing? Would love to hear from you all xx
Similar to you, 4 months in, just been rebailed and life is completely on hold. Bail conditions mean he can't go to school so has dropped one A level and doing other coursework based ones remotely with online teacher support. He can't stay overnight at home as younger siblings so is living at grandparents which is killing me as he needs parenting now more than ever. We can't see any friends with under 18s so whole family is basically cut off and we haven't seen anyone other than grandparents in 4 months. He's totally isolated and cut off from normal 18yo life because most friends are 17 and no knows why he's disappeared from school. He's lost and missed out on so much already and the impacts of the bail period, the not knowing and all the restrictions alone are going to be huge in the long term for him, let alone the impact of a sentence when it comes. Weighs so heavily doesn't it, so sad for them and so many unknowns. Challenging for us to stay mentally well, even harder for them at such a formative stage of life. Trying to keep hold of the positives, lucky to have family support. Thank you for reaching out, helps to know not alone and not many posts about those on the cusp of adulthood.
The waiting is so awful it took just over two years for grandsons case to get to court. Luckily he was allowed to stay at home but can not be left alone with two younger siblings.He viewed picture via snapchat too, was sent pics by some older men. His solicitor said it is very common amongst teens and they are dealing with many cases. I do feel that if in their teens they do not realise the consequences of these awful pictures on the poor children involved or of them viewing them and for that reason I think they should be treated differently from grown men viewing such pictures. Putting them the SOR holds them back at a time when they should be realising their potential in life. It is heartbreaking to see what a devastating effect it has on their young lives.
I agree all kind of reasons why they are more vulnerable to this and should be treated differently, seems like it is a bit of under 18 but then a harsh cut off. Awful to think so many are suffering in a system that's not really prepared for this crisis. How old is your grandson, if you don't mind me asking? Great that he can stay at home. Feel like our situation would be so much more bearable if that was the case. He can be at home supervised all the time other than overnight. So hard on everyone. He was just 2 weeks past 18 when arrested so think could have very different if a few months or even weeks earlier.
My grandson is now 21 he was 17 at the time of the offence.
Hi Tilly, not sure if this will help but my son was arrested in his 2nd yr of uni (for alleged offence that took place when he was 18yr and 4 wks), he has had to declare it to uni and they have said that while he is fine to keep doing his course but he is unable to socialise on the uni campus. The only people that know are the uni head of his faculty and the board that it had to be reported to. I know its still very early days for us but he has been going to lectures as normal and uni has also said that if he is found guilty while he's still at uni, he would probably be able to study remotely and be able to take his finals on a 1-1 basis. Son has also been looking at Ban The Box and is convinced he'll be able to get a job. I don't want to tell him it'll be hard as I need to keep him positive! Sending you all the best xx
That seems really harsh that he can't socialise when uni students are all over 18s. My son is finishing alevels remotely but that's through school with younger children. What hope is there for them if they can't socialise, continue their education, or get work.