Absolutely Hearrbroken....
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I’m feeling numb, scared, and exhausted. My partner was arrested 6 days ago for something online that happened over a year ago. He told me that he was trying to catch another man who was doing terrible things. According to him, he was egging this man on in messages to gather as much information as possible so he could report him. He’s not very tech savvy and has told me he didn’t mean any harm, but I understand why it looks serious on paper. He said he said something vile things to this man to try and get him to admit stuff. Pretending to be interested etc...
I want to believe him. We’ve been together a long time, and over the years he’s always hated other people’s kids in that he has never wanted to be around them, but he’s never done anything to make me not trust him. He has always been a safe, loving partner and father in our home. This is why it’s so confusing and terrifying — I love him, I trust him, but now everything feels uncertain and upside down.
Right now, I’m staying at my mum’s house with my daughter, who has special needs. I’m trying to keep her routine as normal as possible — meals, sleep, activities — but it’s incredibly hard when I feel numb and on edge. I can’t sleep, I feel shivery and sick, and my thoughts keep looping over every possible worst-case scenario. Some nights I just lie awake, staring at the ceiling, worrying about what the police might find, what social services might think, and how this will all affect our lives. He has admitted what he did. Understands why they are doing everything they are doing. Currently he can't have any contact with anyone under the age of 18. He's always absolutely despised anyone that hurts kids, he has anger issues and would get angry if seeing any on social media, then threaten to find them and hurt them etc....
I don’t know how to cope through this waiting period. Every message or call from the police or social services triggers panic. I feel like I’m in limbo — I can’t move forward, I can’t fully relax, and I can’t process my feelings properly. At the same time, I feel guilty for feeling anything other than total support for him. I want to be there for him, but I also need to protect my child’s routine and my own sanity.
I also feel isolated. Even though I’m not alone physically — I have my daughter and my mum — it’s impossible to talk to anyone about the details without risking his privacy or judgment. I just feel like the world has shrunk down to these walls and my spiraling thoughts.
I just want advice, support, or even just someone to tell me it’s normal to feel this way. I want to survive these next few weeks while everything is uncertain — while waiting for social services, police checks, and digital forensics. I want to believe that this doesn’t define him or us, but it’s hard to hold onto that when everything feels so out of control.
Even though I’m terrified, exhausted, and emotionally raw, I’m trying to stay present and keep my daughter safe. I want to be able to parent her and protect her from the chaos I feel inside. I don’t know when this will end, but I’m hoping someone here can help me, has anyone had a situation similar. Obviously I don't know all the ins and outs yet, only what he's told me. The investigation is still open as they look through his phone. He is currently quite suicidal. Myself and our daughter are his whole world and he's not doing very well not being with us.
I want to believe him. We’ve been together a long time, and over the years he’s always hated other people’s kids in that he has never wanted to be around them, but he’s never done anything to make me not trust him. He has always been a safe, loving partner and father in our home. This is why it’s so confusing and terrifying — I love him, I trust him, but now everything feels uncertain and upside down.
Right now, I’m staying at my mum’s house with my daughter, who has special needs. I’m trying to keep her routine as normal as possible — meals, sleep, activities — but it’s incredibly hard when I feel numb and on edge. I can’t sleep, I feel shivery and sick, and my thoughts keep looping over every possible worst-case scenario. Some nights I just lie awake, staring at the ceiling, worrying about what the police might find, what social services might think, and how this will all affect our lives. He has admitted what he did. Understands why they are doing everything they are doing. Currently he can't have any contact with anyone under the age of 18. He's always absolutely despised anyone that hurts kids, he has anger issues and would get angry if seeing any on social media, then threaten to find them and hurt them etc....
I don’t know how to cope through this waiting period. Every message or call from the police or social services triggers panic. I feel like I’m in limbo — I can’t move forward, I can’t fully relax, and I can’t process my feelings properly. At the same time, I feel guilty for feeling anything other than total support for him. I want to be there for him, but I also need to protect my child’s routine and my own sanity.
I also feel isolated. Even though I’m not alone physically — I have my daughter and my mum — it’s impossible to talk to anyone about the details without risking his privacy or judgment. I just feel like the world has shrunk down to these walls and my spiraling thoughts.
I just want advice, support, or even just someone to tell me it’s normal to feel this way. I want to survive these next few weeks while everything is uncertain — while waiting for social services, police checks, and digital forensics. I want to believe that this doesn’t define him or us, but it’s hard to hold onto that when everything feels so out of control.
Even though I’m terrified, exhausted, and emotionally raw, I’m trying to stay present and keep my daughter safe. I want to be able to parent her and protect her from the chaos I feel inside. I don’t know when this will end, but I’m hoping someone here can help me, has anyone had a situation similar. Obviously I don't know all the ins and outs yet, only what he's told me. The investigation is still open as they look through his phone. He is currently quite suicidal. Myself and our daughter are his whole world and he's not doing very well not being with us.
Hello, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. My situation is very different but feelings and emotions very similar. I wanted to say hello and you're not alone here. Please keep talking and others will be along also to give support and experiences x
Just wanted to say I felt the same way as you and it's so normal, it's like being in limbo, don't know who to talk to or trust, waiting for police, forensics and social care to make contact, having full understanding of the situation which you don't find out until the investigation is completed, I just wanted to reply and say your not alone, this forum has been really helpful to me on those days when I was sinking.
I feel for you, your raw pain & suffering. Your shock is palpable, I remember it too well. I dont have any words that will help at the monent , but we are all here for you & all know how you feel. You're not alone x