How Do We Safely Align These Experiences/Views?
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Hi CedarKey,
I feel very similar to you, I'm glad this forum helped you in the early days, and throughout. I've also found it very helpful and (mostly) supportive. I think there is still so much misinformation about this offence and would really encourage people, if they feel able and ready, to consider the Inform course as it taught me loads and challenged assumptions that I naturally made.
I think it is important that everyone can express how they are feeling however not to apply blanket statements (some of which are not factually accurate) on to every single case. Every offender has their own set of experiences that led them to this awful offence. I don't think anyone here would ever minimise the extent of the harm this offence causes.
I hope you continue to feel welcome here, and that I do too, as it is often a lifeline.
X
I feel very similar to you, I'm glad this forum helped you in the early days, and throughout. I've also found it very helpful and (mostly) supportive. I think there is still so much misinformation about this offence and would really encourage people, if they feel able and ready, to consider the Inform course as it taught me loads and challenged assumptions that I naturally made.
I think it is important that everyone can express how they are feeling however not to apply blanket statements (some of which are not factually accurate) on to every single case. Every offender has their own set of experiences that led them to this awful offence. I don't think anyone here would ever minimise the extent of the harm this offence causes.
I hope you continue to feel welcome here, and that I do too, as it is often a lifeline.
X
I find this interesting in that I genuinely don't recognise the thread under discussion from your description of it. Anyway, a few thoughts in no particular order, from someone who has now clocked up 2.5 years on this Forum. I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone whose OH offended.
First off, I don't think we CAN align these experiences in a way which won't upset anyone (I'm not going to use the word "safely", because I don't really like using the words "safe" / "unsafe" in that way. I think it dilutes the concept of 'safety' into meaninglessness). For example, one woman might reach out for help because she's terrified her children's father WON'T get any access to the children. Another will reach out because she terrified he WILL. Neither of this women will find it easy to engage with the other. It is what it is, I think.
Secondly I think virtually everyone on this forum is "angry and bitter". The difference is where we direct our anger. I see a lot of people who are fiercely angry at the police, SS, vigilantes, Kik, the media, 'unsupportive' family and friends, certain posts on this forum etc......at absolutely everyone but the men who brought us here. I think some women decide to stay with an offending OH, subconciously hunker down into an 'us against the world' mindset and direct all the anger they still have outwards. But actually the call's coming from inside the house.
Also does it worry me when new people pop up saying that they "absolutely believe" their OH, that they "know" he wouldn't hurt any real children, that they are being treated so "unfairly" by SS? Yes very much so. It also worries me that they come to this forum looking to be validated in those views, which is potentially much more "unsafe" than anything any of us might say in response. Likewise, are some of the women who come here staying with an OH because they're being manipulated, or because they really lack confidence and have become very dependent? Definitely. I makes me very sad and concerned when I come across "he's my world" / "I can't live without him" type posts and I wish they got more consistently good advice.
I'm also uncomfortable with the banning of the word 'paedophile' on a forum for the families and friends of men under investigation for accessing sexual abuse images of children. Its almost the orthodoxy on here that they're either caught up in the IIOC equivalent of "It was just resting in my account" (picturing Fr Ted here) or they were addicted to porn and "went down a rabbithole". But realistically a decent percentage actually are paedophiles. I still don't know - and may never know - which category my ex-H falls into. Given the very low number of images, I could easily immerse myself in this forum and convince myself he's the former (his excuse is a variation on "It was just resting in my account"), but I don't know and may never know.
Its also a true-ism here that "we all take the offences very seriously", but then I see people complaining that they can't go on hols to Florida or whatever and I'm not convinced. I could even argue those threads make me feel 'unsafe' (but I won't!). I do find them upsetting though. But then someone will come along and say I've now made them feel 'unsafe' I guess. But thats just an example of how a forum like this is always going to be a bit of a minefield.
I wouldn't personally recommend this forum as it currently stands to someone in my shoes, which is a shame (the legal section has been useful!). And I think I should probably give it a rest. Though interestingly reading it over the past 2.5 years has made me much more definite in leaving my OH, particularly reading 2.5 years worth of other men repeating his excuses!
First off, I don't think we CAN align these experiences in a way which won't upset anyone (I'm not going to use the word "safely", because I don't really like using the words "safe" / "unsafe" in that way. I think it dilutes the concept of 'safety' into meaninglessness). For example, one woman might reach out for help because she's terrified her children's father WON'T get any access to the children. Another will reach out because she terrified he WILL. Neither of this women will find it easy to engage with the other. It is what it is, I think.
Secondly I think virtually everyone on this forum is "angry and bitter". The difference is where we direct our anger. I see a lot of people who are fiercely angry at the police, SS, vigilantes, Kik, the media, 'unsupportive' family and friends, certain posts on this forum etc......at absolutely everyone but the men who brought us here. I think some women decide to stay with an offending OH, subconciously hunker down into an 'us against the world' mindset and direct all the anger they still have outwards. But actually the call's coming from inside the house.
Also does it worry me when new people pop up saying that they "absolutely believe" their OH, that they "know" he wouldn't hurt any real children, that they are being treated so "unfairly" by SS? Yes very much so. It also worries me that they come to this forum looking to be validated in those views, which is potentially much more "unsafe" than anything any of us might say in response. Likewise, are some of the women who come here staying with an OH because they're being manipulated, or because they really lack confidence and have become very dependent? Definitely. I makes me very sad and concerned when I come across "he's my world" / "I can't live without him" type posts and I wish they got more consistently good advice.
I'm also uncomfortable with the banning of the word 'paedophile' on a forum for the families and friends of men under investigation for accessing sexual abuse images of children. Its almost the orthodoxy on here that they're either caught up in the IIOC equivalent of "It was just resting in my account" (picturing Fr Ted here) or they were addicted to porn and "went down a rabbithole". But realistically a decent percentage actually are paedophiles. I still don't know - and may never know - which category my ex-H falls into. Given the very low number of images, I could easily immerse myself in this forum and convince myself he's the former (his excuse is a variation on "It was just resting in my account"), but I don't know and may never know.
Its also a true-ism here that "we all take the offences very seriously", but then I see people complaining that they can't go on hols to Florida or whatever and I'm not convinced. I could even argue those threads make me feel 'unsafe' (but I won't!). I do find them upsetting though. But then someone will come along and say I've now made them feel 'unsafe' I guess. But thats just an example of how a forum like this is always going to be a bit of a minefield.
I wouldn't personally recommend this forum as it currently stands to someone in my shoes, which is a shame (the legal section has been useful!). And I think I should probably give it a rest. Though interestingly reading it over the past 2.5 years has made me much more definite in leaving my OH, particularly reading 2.5 years worth of other men repeating his excuses!
I am sure there are a lot more sites where people with strong views about offenders are welcome to discuss them, than there are for people who are feeling extremely vulnerable, fragile, confused, alone, and unsupported. I would like to think that this forum can embrace the latter.
If I was new to all of this now and came here in desperate need of support and understanding, I would not stay as reading some of the posts would knock me even further into distress.
If I was new to all of this now and came here in desperate need of support and understanding, I would not stay as reading some of the posts would knock me even further into distress.
Post deleted by user
I think that the P word is not used, mainly because of the way it has been hijacked and distorted by the media.
Statistically, it must be true that some of the men are P, using the correct medical definition of that term, rather than the medias definition of it, but that leads us into the same territory as the other stats about contact offending.
Some does not mean all, and there have been some unjustified accusations that people are labelling all of the men as this or that, when they have never said any such thing.
The other point I would like to make, is that anger and especially denial are normal human reactions to something like this. For those at the start of the journey those feelings will be at their most extreme, but they tend to fade over time. Sometimes I do find the denial frustrating, even now, but then I remind myself that it is still a valid emotion nonetheless and a necessary coping mechanism for many, especially in the early days.
Statistically, it must be true that some of the men are P, using the correct medical definition of that term, rather than the medias definition of it, but that leads us into the same territory as the other stats about contact offending.
Some does not mean all, and there have been some unjustified accusations that people are labelling all of the men as this or that, when they have never said any such thing.
The other point I would like to make, is that anger and especially denial are normal human reactions to something like this. For those at the start of the journey those feelings will be at their most extreme, but they tend to fade over time. Sometimes I do find the denial frustrating, even now, but then I remind myself that it is still a valid emotion nonetheless and a necessary coping mechanism for many, especially in the early days.
Dear Forum users,
Thank you to everyone who has shared their thoughts and feelings following the recent thread. We recognise the honesty and vulnerability that have been expressed. These conversations touch on some of the most overwhelming experiences families can face, and it makes sense that different parts of the discussion have been upsetting or triggering for some. Your feedback helps us understand what users need to feel safe and supported here.
We know that recent posts have caused distress for some users. No one should feel attacked, dismissed or unsafe. At the same time, people here are trying to express their own very real emotions and lived experiences. Members include those staying with their partner, those who have left, people supporting family members, and those sitting with anger, fear, grief or confusion. Experiences will differ, and perspectives will not always align. What matters is the care with which we communicate so this remains a supportive space for everyone.
We also understand that many members feel protective of their loved one. That protectiveness may come from fear, shock, loyalty or simply needing something to hold onto in a deeply destabilising time. Others may not yet feel ready to hear difficult perspectives about the offence or about their loved one’s behaviour, and this too is a very human response. Similarly, some members speak openly about painful and confronting aspects of their experience; for them, honesty is part of processing trauma. Both reactions are real, and both deserve space here.
Before posting, it can be helpful to take a moment to notice how you are feeling. Our emotional state can shape how we interpret what others write and how our own words land with people whose circumstances may be very different from our own. This is not about silencing emotions—anger, fear, sadness and confusion all belong here—but about being mindful of tone and impact in a community carrying many kinds of pain.
It’s also important to acknowledge the seriousness of online sexual offending involving children and the research that informs our understanding of it. At the same time, it is completely normal for some people to struggle to take in the full reality of what has happened, especially when dealing with shock and trauma. The decision to stay with or leave a loved one is deeply personal, shaped by safety, love, fear and survival. Once someone makes a choice, it’s natural for them to find ways to help them cope. Because of this, the same situation may be viewed very differently depending on a person’s emotional place. What feels reassuring for one may feel frightening or destabilising for another. There is room for all of these perspectives here, and we ask everyone to hold gentle awareness of how personal experience shapes understanding.
We also want to address the use of the term “paedophile” on the forum. For many members, it is a highly triggering and distressing word. For others, it may reflect the clinical or factual context of their situation. Both realities exist. However, the term is sometimes used inaccurately, which can cause confusion and distress. We ask users to use the word thoughtfully and with care, avoiding generalisations and being mindful of how it may impact others.
Honesty is important, and everyone should feel able to speak openly about their experiences, even when those experiences are difficult for others to hear. At the same time, we ask that honesty is shared with sensitivity, recognising that what grounds one person may unsettle another. Both responses are valid.
As moderators, we hear the feedback that the forum needs to feel safe for all members, including those with differing or conflicting perspectives. We will be more active and visible, stepping in sooner when conversations become polarising or feel unsafe, offering gentle guidance around language and tone, and supporting members in navigating challenging topics. Our aim is not to restrict meaningful discussion, but to protect the emotional safety of those who rely on this space during very distressing times.
This forum is a community, and we value every person here. Many of you have said this space has been a lifeline during the darkest moments of your lives, and we want it to continue to be that—for everyone.
If you have been affected or would like to talk privately, please contact the Forum Team at forum@lucyfaithfull.org.uk. We are here, we are listening, and we remain committed to holding this space with care.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
Thank you to everyone who has shared their thoughts and feelings following the recent thread. We recognise the honesty and vulnerability that have been expressed. These conversations touch on some of the most overwhelming experiences families can face, and it makes sense that different parts of the discussion have been upsetting or triggering for some. Your feedback helps us understand what users need to feel safe and supported here.
We know that recent posts have caused distress for some users. No one should feel attacked, dismissed or unsafe. At the same time, people here are trying to express their own very real emotions and lived experiences. Members include those staying with their partner, those who have left, people supporting family members, and those sitting with anger, fear, grief or confusion. Experiences will differ, and perspectives will not always align. What matters is the care with which we communicate so this remains a supportive space for everyone.
We also understand that many members feel protective of their loved one. That protectiveness may come from fear, shock, loyalty or simply needing something to hold onto in a deeply destabilising time. Others may not yet feel ready to hear difficult perspectives about the offence or about their loved one’s behaviour, and this too is a very human response. Similarly, some members speak openly about painful and confronting aspects of their experience; for them, honesty is part of processing trauma. Both reactions are real, and both deserve space here.
Before posting, it can be helpful to take a moment to notice how you are feeling. Our emotional state can shape how we interpret what others write and how our own words land with people whose circumstances may be very different from our own. This is not about silencing emotions—anger, fear, sadness and confusion all belong here—but about being mindful of tone and impact in a community carrying many kinds of pain.
It’s also important to acknowledge the seriousness of online sexual offending involving children and the research that informs our understanding of it. At the same time, it is completely normal for some people to struggle to take in the full reality of what has happened, especially when dealing with shock and trauma. The decision to stay with or leave a loved one is deeply personal, shaped by safety, love, fear and survival. Once someone makes a choice, it’s natural for them to find ways to help them cope. Because of this, the same situation may be viewed very differently depending on a person’s emotional place. What feels reassuring for one may feel frightening or destabilising for another. There is room for all of these perspectives here, and we ask everyone to hold gentle awareness of how personal experience shapes understanding.
We also want to address the use of the term “paedophile” on the forum. For many members, it is a highly triggering and distressing word. For others, it may reflect the clinical or factual context of their situation. Both realities exist. However, the term is sometimes used inaccurately, which can cause confusion and distress. We ask users to use the word thoughtfully and with care, avoiding generalisations and being mindful of how it may impact others.
Honesty is important, and everyone should feel able to speak openly about their experiences, even when those experiences are difficult for others to hear. At the same time, we ask that honesty is shared with sensitivity, recognising that what grounds one person may unsettle another. Both responses are valid.
As moderators, we hear the feedback that the forum needs to feel safe for all members, including those with differing or conflicting perspectives. We will be more active and visible, stepping in sooner when conversations become polarising or feel unsafe, offering gentle guidance around language and tone, and supporting members in navigating challenging topics. Our aim is not to restrict meaningful discussion, but to protect the emotional safety of those who rely on this space during very distressing times.
This forum is a community, and we value every person here. Many of you have said this space has been a lifeline during the darkest moments of your lives, and we want it to continue to be that—for everyone.
If you have been affected or would like to talk privately, please contact the Forum Team at forum@lucyfaithfull.org.uk. We are here, we are listening, and we remain committed to holding this space with care.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
Thank you forum team. I look forward to the greater sensitivity you mention, and to feeling that messages written in potentially inflammatory terms be suitably moderated.
You say ''many members feel protective of their loved one. That protectiveness may come from fear, shock, loyalty or simply needing something to hold onto in a deeply destabilising time''.
All true, and may I suggest that another reason many feel protective is due to their loved one having learning difficulties which have played a part in them viewing the images? I understand from the police, our solicitor, and probation that a large proportion of such offenders fall into this category.
You say ''many members feel protective of their loved one. That protectiveness may come from fear, shock, loyalty or simply needing something to hold onto in a deeply destabilising time''.
All true, and may I suggest that another reason many feel protective is due to their loved one having learning difficulties which have played a part in them viewing the images? I understand from the police, our solicitor, and probation that a large proportion of such offenders fall into this category.
Dear 6789,
Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We want to also acknowledge, from the point you raised, that for people with learning disabilities or people with autism, certain factors such as understanding consequences, difficulties recognising social cues or risk, misunderstanding, lack of awareness or challenges navigating the online world can all contribute. Many families recognise this in their loved one, and it understandably adds another layer to the difficult emotions and protectiveness they may feel.
You are also right in suggesting that they are over-represented among those who have been arrested or charged for committing online sexual offences, however it’s important to note that this does not mean individuals with learning difficulties are more likely to commit these offences.
We appreciate you raising this here — it helps broaden the discussion and reminds us to keep being mindful of the different experiences and circumstances within our forum.
Ensuring that conversations remain sensitive and respectful to all those affected is something we take seriously, and your feedback supports that ongoing work.
Thank you again for taking the time to reflect with us.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We want to also acknowledge, from the point you raised, that for people with learning disabilities or people with autism, certain factors such as understanding consequences, difficulties recognising social cues or risk, misunderstanding, lack of awareness or challenges navigating the online world can all contribute. Many families recognise this in their loved one, and it understandably adds another layer to the difficult emotions and protectiveness they may feel.
You are also right in suggesting that they are over-represented among those who have been arrested or charged for committing online sexual offences, however it’s important to note that this does not mean individuals with learning difficulties are more likely to commit these offences.
We appreciate you raising this here — it helps broaden the discussion and reminds us to keep being mindful of the different experiences and circumstances within our forum.
Ensuring that conversations remain sensitive and respectful to all those affected is something we take seriously, and your feedback supports that ongoing work.
Thank you again for taking the time to reflect with us.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
Sad&Scared, I have been reading the forum for a while before joining and I just wanted to say it would surelly take away an important input if you or other members with similar mindset would leave. Your posts specifically have been very helpful for me in adressing my anger and upsetting - which is nothing but positive and empowering for me I have to say. Thank you so much
"It’s important to note that this does not mean individuals with learning difficulties are more likely to commit these offences".
Absolutely! But if they have offended they can need a more 'protective' perspective, and more tailored support and understanding, from the people who love them. And perhaps (?) more compassion than straight-out judgement from society.... judgement for being different is often what they have been used to throughout their lives, and it does more harm than good.
Absolutely! But if they have offended they can need a more 'protective' perspective, and more tailored support and understanding, from the people who love them. And perhaps (?) more compassion than straight-out judgement from society.... judgement for being different is often what they have been used to throughout their lives, and it does more harm than good.
Just wanted to say I agree with all you said Sad&Scared!
I think the forum should have different views and experiences as it can give more balanced advice to people. What I don't think it should be is a forum to make excuses for the offender and to throw hate towards SS, police etc. I find it very frustrating reading the forum at times when all it seems to be are posts about how bad everyone involved is with no mention of the offender and how their actions have caused this.
I don't think people should be made to feel like they shouldn't be supporting the offender but it needs to be more balanced and not blaming everyone but the offender.
I think the forum should have different views and experiences as it can give more balanced advice to people. What I don't think it should be is a forum to make excuses for the offender and to throw hate towards SS, police etc. I find it very frustrating reading the forum at times when all it seems to be are posts about how bad everyone involved is with no mention of the offender and how their actions have caused this.
I don't think people should be made to feel like they shouldn't be supporting the offender but it needs to be more balanced and not blaming everyone but the offender.
I don't think different views and decisions have to sit so at odds with each other. None of us can walk in each others shoes and each situation is vastly different with a whole range of complex circumstances that have led people to offend. Each decision to support or not is very personal and neither path is easy. This should be a space free of judgement where we all feel safe to be ourselves and ask the questions that are worrying us without fear of judgment or being told we're wrong to make the decisions we've made. I don't think anyone has to justify to others here why they've chosen to support their person. It's no one else's business, just as others wouldn't dream of questioning the decision to leave. It's not what the forum is about.
The police and SS are doing their jobs and am sure they're mostly doing the best within the constraints of their services but the system isn't perfect and is struggling to keep up with this tidal wave of online offending and there's a lot of additional pain for families because of that isn't necessary in all cases, and it's ok to vent about that here. Some of the queries re holidays etc may feel petty but we're all grieving the loss of normal life and freedom and trying to cling on to what we can. If the forum is to feel safe for everyone, with all the different circumstances and complex emotions we're all going through, we need to be committed to holding each other up not questioning each other with judgement.
Perhaps one thing Lucy Faithful Foundation could do is to set up separate forum spaces for those who're supporting their person and those who aren't? My person is my son and he was under 18 at time of offence and the separate feed for families of young offenders is helpful so maybe something similar for partners who've chosen different paths might work well and give everyone safer space to be able to talk openly.
We have nowhere else to go to talk freely about everything and it would be such a shame if a valuable space like this no longer felt safe for everyone and people choose to step back. There's more that we have in common in this awful journey than sets us apart.
The police and SS are doing their jobs and am sure they're mostly doing the best within the constraints of their services but the system isn't perfect and is struggling to keep up with this tidal wave of online offending and there's a lot of additional pain for families because of that isn't necessary in all cases, and it's ok to vent about that here. Some of the queries re holidays etc may feel petty but we're all grieving the loss of normal life and freedom and trying to cling on to what we can. If the forum is to feel safe for everyone, with all the different circumstances and complex emotions we're all going through, we need to be committed to holding each other up not questioning each other with judgement.
Perhaps one thing Lucy Faithful Foundation could do is to set up separate forum spaces for those who're supporting their person and those who aren't? My person is my son and he was under 18 at time of offence and the separate feed for families of young offenders is helpful so maybe something similar for partners who've chosen different paths might work well and give everyone safer space to be able to talk openly.
We have nowhere else to go to talk freely about everything and it would be such a shame if a valuable space like this no longer felt safe for everyone and people choose to step back. There's more that we have in common in this awful journey than sets us apart.
Shfj
I like your suggestion ""one thing Lucy Faithful Foundation could do is to set up separate forum spaces for those who're supporting their person and those who aren't?''
I would find it very helpful to be able to choose which section to read and post in rather than not knowing what type of post I might encounter on opening something, and getting triggered.
I like your suggestion ""one thing Lucy Faithful Foundation could do is to set up separate forum spaces for those who're supporting their person and those who aren't?''
I would find it very helpful to be able to choose which section to read and post in rather than not knowing what type of post I might encounter on opening something, and getting triggered.
Dear Forum Users,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so honestly. What you’ve said highlights something really important about this space: people here are navigating extremely different emotions, circumstances and decisions, and it’s completely natural that certain posts will feel upsetting for some and reassuring for others. No two journeys look the same, and we want the forum to be a place where those varied experiences can sit alongside each other safely.
It’s understandable that some members feel frustrated when posts seem to focus heavily on professionals or systems, just as it’s understandable that others feel overwhelmed by the offending itself and are trying to make sense of their situation in the only way they can right now. Anger, protectiveness, grief, confusion and fear can all shape how someone expresses themselves. None of these reactions are “wrong” — they’re human responses to trauma.
We agree that this needs to be a space where people can speak openly without feeling judged, whether they have stayed with their loved one, left, or are still figuring things out. No one should feel that they have to justify their decisions here, or that their words are being viewed as making excuses, just as no one should feel unable to express their anger, hurt or confusion about their loved one or the situation they’re facing. Equally, no one should feel silenced because their emotional place looks different from someone else’s. We all communicate from very different emotional states, and our aim is to support understanding rather than judgement.
We really appreciate your suggestion about creating separate forum spaces for people in different situations. We know this is something people have expressed a clear desire for before, and we’re very open to exploring it further. If setting up distinct spaces could help members feel safer and more supported, we’d be happy to look more closely at how we might make that happen. At the same time, we want to be careful not to unintentionally create a divide or make anyone feel pushed into a particular “side.” One of the strengths of this community is that, despite very different perspectives, there is a shared need for understanding and support.
More than anything, we want everyone here to feel heard and supported. Thank you again for raising these points with such care — your voices help us continue shaping the forum in a way that supports the whole community. If anyone has further thoughts about how we can make the space feel safer, please do share.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so honestly. What you’ve said highlights something really important about this space: people here are navigating extremely different emotions, circumstances and decisions, and it’s completely natural that certain posts will feel upsetting for some and reassuring for others. No two journeys look the same, and we want the forum to be a place where those varied experiences can sit alongside each other safely.
It’s understandable that some members feel frustrated when posts seem to focus heavily on professionals or systems, just as it’s understandable that others feel overwhelmed by the offending itself and are trying to make sense of their situation in the only way they can right now. Anger, protectiveness, grief, confusion and fear can all shape how someone expresses themselves. None of these reactions are “wrong” — they’re human responses to trauma.
We agree that this needs to be a space where people can speak openly without feeling judged, whether they have stayed with their loved one, left, or are still figuring things out. No one should feel that they have to justify their decisions here, or that their words are being viewed as making excuses, just as no one should feel unable to express their anger, hurt or confusion about their loved one or the situation they’re facing. Equally, no one should feel silenced because their emotional place looks different from someone else’s. We all communicate from very different emotional states, and our aim is to support understanding rather than judgement.
We really appreciate your suggestion about creating separate forum spaces for people in different situations. We know this is something people have expressed a clear desire for before, and we’re very open to exploring it further. If setting up distinct spaces could help members feel safer and more supported, we’d be happy to look more closely at how we might make that happen. At the same time, we want to be careful not to unintentionally create a divide or make anyone feel pushed into a particular “side.” One of the strengths of this community is that, despite very different perspectives, there is a shared need for understanding and support.
More than anything, we want everyone here to feel heard and supported. Thank you again for raising these points with such care — your voices help us continue shaping the forum in a way that supports the whole community. If anyone has further thoughts about how we can make the space feel safer, please do share.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
shfjaojsbth suggested there being a forum section for those of us whose son is 'our person', I think thats a great idea. She mentioned as an example like the section for families with young offenders, so how about combining the two?
Men on the ASD are usually far 'younger' than their chronological age, mentally & emotionally plus some also have learning difficulties.
So for example my son is 36 but about a 15 year old, so those two areas, young offenders & men with say ASD or special needs or just those whose son is the 'person' would be compatible I think?
Men on the ASD are usually far 'younger' than their chronological age, mentally & emotionally plus some also have learning difficulties.
So for example my son is 36 but about a 15 year old, so those two areas, young offenders & men with say ASD or special needs or just those whose son is the 'person' would be compatible I think?
Cedar key, I totally agree. My Son is 27 and autistic but operates cognitively at a much younger age than his chronological one. I am sure t here are lots in a very similar position too
- Hope you're doing ok and bearing up xx
- Hope you're doing ok and bearing up xx
Looking at how the forum currently works, I can see little point in creating more sub forums.
People seem to congregate on the discussion and support forum, presumably because it has the most posts. Post anywhere else and you risk getting no answers because nobody is reading those forums.
Or, it may be because every situation and every question is unique and does not fit neatly into any of the sub forums, that people post it in the general discussion forum.
Take the children and young persons sub forum. It already includes young people under 24 with learning disabilities as well as under 18s, but it does not specifically mention autism.
You could tweak it, by adding autism to the list, but then you would get a user coming along who has an autistic son aged over 30 and they are thinking to themselves, "this is a sub forum for young autistic people and my son is not young, so he does not exactly fit the description, therefore I will have to post in the general discussion forum."
In other words, if you try to create a sub forum to cater for absolutely every situation, you will just end up with more sub forums that no one reads.
People seem to congregate on the discussion and support forum, presumably because it has the most posts. Post anywhere else and you risk getting no answers because nobody is reading those forums.
Or, it may be because every situation and every question is unique and does not fit neatly into any of the sub forums, that people post it in the general discussion forum.
Take the children and young persons sub forum. It already includes young people under 24 with learning disabilities as well as under 18s, but it does not specifically mention autism.
You could tweak it, by adding autism to the list, but then you would get a user coming along who has an autistic son aged over 30 and they are thinking to themselves, "this is a sub forum for young autistic people and my son is not young, so he does not exactly fit the description, therefore I will have to post in the general discussion forum."
In other words, if you try to create a sub forum to cater for absolutely every situation, you will just end up with more sub forums that no one reads.