ABUSERS BEING GROOMED
Notifications OFF
So it’s been pieced together. What led to my husbands, and mine, very public humiliation. That sting carried out by the vile pieces of s*** vigilantes. That destroyed so many lives. His, mine, our loved ones. His employees, his network.
I hope the drip drip of disclosure, forced out by the therapist, and psychologist, is complete. I’m exhausted and can see no future. I’m so involved in his story I can’t think of my own.
What an ugly and sad picture emerges. One that Lucy Faithful really needs to take on board for future campaigns. The world has changed. It will get so much worse. On line education needs to be given to EVERYONE, not just children.
Different approaches, in addition to or as an alternative to those undertaken, need to be considered to reduce the opportunities for children to be abused. And adults too! What is happening currently does not work. SURELY anyone involved in this world can see that?? The police are overwhelmed. We are having to wait agonising lengths of time. And children of those accused are suffering too.
His Story
It was HIM being groomed by a ‘person’ on the internet to get more and more involved in the world of sex. Like a drug pusher pushing those drugs until the user overdoses. Yes. He was groomed.
My very honest capable successful loving and caring husband was hiding anxiety and depression. Wanting all of us around him to think he was strong and successful was actually hurting but couldn’t/wouldn’t speak out. Always upbeat, jovial, great company, a people pleaser. I loved him. Our friends loved him.
We had some terrible situations with his dysfunctional family which I dealt with my way, trying to confront and sort, cry and shout. His way, quiet acceptance. Born out of emotional abuse and emotional cruelty from birth. Fact. Accepted in great quiet pain that his family, at 52 years old were finally turning their back on him. All because he accepted a young half brother into his life. Was human instead of cold blooded. This with the full approval of his father who then denied it to the rest of the family. 2 members of his immediate family then died. Including his father. Whose last words were f**** off and never visit again. His sibling turned on him too. More family members followed. No-one wanted to make amends. They had always been jealous of his success. Now was an opportunity to punish him for it, having allowed him to pay for their holidays, gifts, entertainment, give them his time and attention, taking the crumbs. Accepting their abuse as he was used to it. We crept in and out of funerals. Outcasts from the family.
He was his usual self on the outside. Shrugged his shoulders, dealt with it. Add into that a bullying boss pushing him to continue with a failing business. So what did he do? Did he turn to professionals? Talk to me about the deep pain. No. He looked on line and found someone who was full of admiration for him, listening to him, loved him found him thorough a shared love of looking at porn. Then they “helped” him by telling him he was too inexperienced in sex,,,,,so he went to sex workers and random women some selected by them. Also what he liked image wise was too tame. He was tutored!!!!!! It was the one ‘character’, he thought a woman at the time. A woman who understood him, his demons. but who knows, was it one or a group??? They led him everywhere, Told him he was special, one off, don’t normally like guys like him, played on his insecurities. I learnt only 2 days ago that he sent gifts regularly to this woman, so grateful was he and so hooked on the drug of sex!!!! Many gifts. Spending OUR money on ‘her’ and workers.
To me, he was just himself, stressed, but understandable stress. Nothing else. I tried to encourage him to retire early but he was totally in the control of his bully boss, I realise that now. Anyway you get the picture.
So Lucy Faithful, look at the complexities of that. To all the celebrities that talk about men’s mental health, be one brave enough to talk about ‘ugly’ issues. Politicians. Doctors. Solicitors. They all must see this or be aware of it. I wasn’t. Why? How many more innocent children are you prepared to sacrifice. How many lives are you prepared to ruin, instead of facing the world of sex!! Education is key, not punishing victims too. Why aren’t we learning from everyone in this position? Everyone. Should have therapy, paid for by the state, so we can all learn and put into place proper tight strategies!
Thanks for reading. I’m sorry it’s a sad tale. I’m sick to death of worrying and learning and being forced to face this world. Without you in this forum I think I might have ended it all. But WE should have our voices heard. I just don’t know whether anyone else Is bothered except us!!
I hope the drip drip of disclosure, forced out by the therapist, and psychologist, is complete. I’m exhausted and can see no future. I’m so involved in his story I can’t think of my own.
What an ugly and sad picture emerges. One that Lucy Faithful really needs to take on board for future campaigns. The world has changed. It will get so much worse. On line education needs to be given to EVERYONE, not just children.
Different approaches, in addition to or as an alternative to those undertaken, need to be considered to reduce the opportunities for children to be abused. And adults too! What is happening currently does not work. SURELY anyone involved in this world can see that?? The police are overwhelmed. We are having to wait agonising lengths of time. And children of those accused are suffering too.
His Story
It was HIM being groomed by a ‘person’ on the internet to get more and more involved in the world of sex. Like a drug pusher pushing those drugs until the user overdoses. Yes. He was groomed.
My very honest capable successful loving and caring husband was hiding anxiety and depression. Wanting all of us around him to think he was strong and successful was actually hurting but couldn’t/wouldn’t speak out. Always upbeat, jovial, great company, a people pleaser. I loved him. Our friends loved him.
We had some terrible situations with his dysfunctional family which I dealt with my way, trying to confront and sort, cry and shout. His way, quiet acceptance. Born out of emotional abuse and emotional cruelty from birth. Fact. Accepted in great quiet pain that his family, at 52 years old were finally turning their back on him. All because he accepted a young half brother into his life. Was human instead of cold blooded. This with the full approval of his father who then denied it to the rest of the family. 2 members of his immediate family then died. Including his father. Whose last words were f**** off and never visit again. His sibling turned on him too. More family members followed. No-one wanted to make amends. They had always been jealous of his success. Now was an opportunity to punish him for it, having allowed him to pay for their holidays, gifts, entertainment, give them his time and attention, taking the crumbs. Accepting their abuse as he was used to it. We crept in and out of funerals. Outcasts from the family.
He was his usual self on the outside. Shrugged his shoulders, dealt with it. Add into that a bullying boss pushing him to continue with a failing business. So what did he do? Did he turn to professionals? Talk to me about the deep pain. No. He looked on line and found someone who was full of admiration for him, listening to him, loved him found him thorough a shared love of looking at porn. Then they “helped” him by telling him he was too inexperienced in sex,,,,,so he went to sex workers and random women some selected by them. Also what he liked image wise was too tame. He was tutored!!!!!! It was the one ‘character’, he thought a woman at the time. A woman who understood him, his demons. but who knows, was it one or a group??? They led him everywhere, Told him he was special, one off, don’t normally like guys like him, played on his insecurities. I learnt only 2 days ago that he sent gifts regularly to this woman, so grateful was he and so hooked on the drug of sex!!!! Many gifts. Spending OUR money on ‘her’ and workers.
To me, he was just himself, stressed, but understandable stress. Nothing else. I tried to encourage him to retire early but he was totally in the control of his bully boss, I realise that now. Anyway you get the picture.
So Lucy Faithful, look at the complexities of that. To all the celebrities that talk about men’s mental health, be one brave enough to talk about ‘ugly’ issues. Politicians. Doctors. Solicitors. They all must see this or be aware of it. I wasn’t. Why? How many more innocent children are you prepared to sacrifice. How many lives are you prepared to ruin, instead of facing the world of sex!! Education is key, not punishing victims too. Why aren’t we learning from everyone in this position? Everyone. Should have therapy, paid for by the state, so we can all learn and put into place proper tight strategies!
Thanks for reading. I’m sorry it’s a sad tale. I’m sick to death of worrying and learning and being forced to face this world. Without you in this forum I think I might have ended it all. But WE should have our voices heard. I just don’t know whether anyone else Is bothered except us!!
Hi tabs,
big hugs to you this must totally exhausting for you but hope you find some peace with being given some reasons for his actions. I can relate to some of your comments and when I read things in the press it makes me question really what probably happened.
My partner is accused of a communication offence, like all these offences it's rarely just one thing in our case he was chatting to quite a few people in his lunch break out of Bordem and some perhaps genuine and one was a decoy. Like on here there is so many people I can't remember who's story is who so have to look back if you know what I mean. These decoys get them hooked on chatting then pop in way down the line thier age but my partner said he remembers someone saying something about thier age but either didn't think it was true and carried on chatting but not really knowing who to and it was sometimes just 1 message a day. The decoys keep pecking at them. (Just a rant sorry) I think these people are led into these situations and wouldn't go looking for it.
I often think when I read in press someone showed pics and talked and arranged to meet said decoy. At what point they are actually told the age. It's makes me really angry these men are being ultimaltey being led. So in cases of police 'catching' people let's try and sort out the ones under investigation before actively seeking out more.
Sorry tabs I really feel your pain, how did our strong men become in such a way they are sucked into this! Sending you huge hugs x
big hugs to you this must totally exhausting for you but hope you find some peace with being given some reasons for his actions. I can relate to some of your comments and when I read things in the press it makes me question really what probably happened.
My partner is accused of a communication offence, like all these offences it's rarely just one thing in our case he was chatting to quite a few people in his lunch break out of Bordem and some perhaps genuine and one was a decoy. Like on here there is so many people I can't remember who's story is who so have to look back if you know what I mean. These decoys get them hooked on chatting then pop in way down the line thier age but my partner said he remembers someone saying something about thier age but either didn't think it was true and carried on chatting but not really knowing who to and it was sometimes just 1 message a day. The decoys keep pecking at them. (Just a rant sorry) I think these people are led into these situations and wouldn't go looking for it.
I often think when I read in press someone showed pics and talked and arranged to meet said decoy. At what point they are actually told the age. It's makes me really angry these men are being ultimaltey being led. So in cases of police 'catching' people let's try and sort out the ones under investigation before actively seeking out more.
Sorry tabs I really feel your pain, how did our strong men become in such a way they are sucked into this! Sending you huge hugs x
Hi
Havent posted for a little while, but couldn't believe when this subject came up as only today was I thinking how my husband had got involved with a decoy. He said that the decoy's picture came up on Facebook as someone you may know!! and through perhaps boredom clicked on the picture and so the nightmare began. As you so accurately said once the contact has been made the grooming of our husbands/partners begins. I obviously don't condone his behaviour you can see how men fall for it!! I have been reading about people you may on Facebook and people seem to say that someone your husband knows on Facebook has got a connection with the decoy because otherwise why would there be a connection with your husband!!
Phone etc are still with the police so still waiting, so far he has lost three jobs because of the video still being on Facebook, the police say that they are still trying to get it taken down but with no success, there seems to be new comments on there on a daily basis. Why couldn't they have just waited for a successful conviction before streaming all his details on Facebook whilst telling me that I wouldn't be identified and putting all our lives out there for anyone to see. Can't make sense of it all.
sorry for the rant only meant to post a couple of lines
Thinking of everyone in our situation
Havent posted for a little while, but couldn't believe when this subject came up as only today was I thinking how my husband had got involved with a decoy. He said that the decoy's picture came up on Facebook as someone you may know!! and through perhaps boredom clicked on the picture and so the nightmare began. As you so accurately said once the contact has been made the grooming of our husbands/partners begins. I obviously don't condone his behaviour you can see how men fall for it!! I have been reading about people you may on Facebook and people seem to say that someone your husband knows on Facebook has got a connection with the decoy because otherwise why would there be a connection with your husband!!
Phone etc are still with the police so still waiting, so far he has lost three jobs because of the video still being on Facebook, the police say that they are still trying to get it taken down but with no success, there seems to be new comments on there on a daily basis. Why couldn't they have just waited for a successful conviction before streaming all his details on Facebook whilst telling me that I wouldn't be identified and putting all our lives out there for anyone to see. Can't make sense of it all.
sorry for the rant only meant to post a couple of lines
Thinking of everyone in our situation
My husband said it all started on Facebook. Chattws with Simone who connected about the same band he was following. They then took him to all these other sites, sites I've not heard of. Having no need to find in line friends and sex. How can this behaviour be lawful, entrapment? I agree there is no excuse for inappropriate on line behaviour. But no 'sane' person would fall for it!!!
His video is still out there too, feeding the masses. He's trying to work, but frightened of it being discovered. And the police say continue as normal?!!! It all seems so wrong.
His video is still out there too, feeding the masses. He's trying to work, but frightened of it being discovered. And the police say continue as normal?!!! It all seems so wrong.
My partner doesn't have any reported mental health issues he gets bored easy he is one of these that can easily watch videos on YouTube then the next then the next that is auto playing if he doesn't have something to do. He also may have been a little stressed with new baby and new job didn't have much in common with the younger people he was working with so went to car for lunch. Often hearing about all thier antics etc and boys being boys I think he felt left out he turned to talking to alsorts, I definitely don't think he was insane. He had stopped using the app way before the knock.
What I mean is these sites and these people, propblem or no problems are luring men and women to do things in the real world they would have no reason or disire to do. I guess behind a screen it's not real and it's 'safe'. A bit like us on here I haven't even told my best friend however I've poured out my heart on here and a couple on mums net.
What I mean is these sites and these people, propblem or no problems are luring men and women to do things in the real world they would have no reason or disire to do. I guess behind a screen it's not real and it's 'safe'. A bit like us on here I haven't even told my best friend however I've poured out my heart on here and a couple on mums net.
Thanks lee1969. I feel so nervous about connecting. A gift from this experience is my lack of trust and ability to make decisions! Thank you for being there. I will get stronger. Just feel washed out and weak at the moment. We partners are left to cope with it all. Hope you're doing ok Xx
Hi all,
just been reading this post, my partner was caught by the police obvs pretending to be someone else. He has always been attached to his phone looking at news, silly videos etc, so I've not thought anything different about his behaviour. He was acting no differently towards me. What little info I've got out of him on what happened, who'd he been talking to etc ( he's currently on remand in prison waiting to plea next week) he said he'd remembers going on a app called whisperers, I've been on it too and there's not many pictures of who u are. So just makes me wonder who instigated this conversation and what the police say to entice people, to me it is a bit like entrapment, no excuses for him though falling for it and going along with it.
just been reading this post, my partner was caught by the police obvs pretending to be someone else. He has always been attached to his phone looking at news, silly videos etc, so I've not thought anything different about his behaviour. He was acting no differently towards me. What little info I've got out of him on what happened, who'd he been talking to etc ( he's currently on remand in prison waiting to plea next week) he said he'd remembers going on a app called whisperers, I've been on it too and there's not many pictures of who u are. So just makes me wonder who instigated this conversation and what the police say to entice people, to me it is a bit like entrapment, no excuses for him though falling for it and going along with it.