Struggling mentally
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Ive been stuck in a spiral for a few months now, i bring myself back up every time but im still struggling to get to sleep and crying all the time. I know i need therpy (for more then just the trauma of the knock). This is something I've avoided because I have been gaslight by a past therapist and its made me scared to go back. My last therapist did heal some of this mistrust.
We are post sentence now and on the path to hopefully reunifiying. I know its the protective parenting assessment thats been making me spiral. I have for the last 6 months been hyper focusing on the fact I know my past is complicated. I always panic that I waffle and never actually focus on whats actually important. Since the knock ive felt like im the one thats done wrong and not him because I am the one SS have dug into because ultimately they need to make sure I can ensure my daughters safty. Ive learned I am beyond resilient. But I forget this all the time because my self confidence is basically non existent. Unless im analysising myself which i do a lot (i never verbalise this properly though) I just stomp on myself and blame myself (which I never mean to do, im just hard on myself). Most days I just want to be left alone, im so tired, alone and so angry all the time. Ive given up being hopefull to stop myself being hurt more
We are post sentence now and on the path to hopefully reunifiying. I know its the protective parenting assessment thats been making me spiral. I have for the last 6 months been hyper focusing on the fact I know my past is complicated. I always panic that I waffle and never actually focus on whats actually important. Since the knock ive felt like im the one thats done wrong and not him because I am the one SS have dug into because ultimately they need to make sure I can ensure my daughters safty. Ive learned I am beyond resilient. But I forget this all the time because my self confidence is basically non existent. Unless im analysising myself which i do a lot (i never verbalise this properly though) I just stomp on myself and blame myself (which I never mean to do, im just hard on myself). Most days I just want to be left alone, im so tired, alone and so angry all the time. Ive given up being hopefull to stop myself being hurt more
Sunshine
I could not just read your post and not comment
This journey is hard enough to find ourselves on, let alone having to navigate it with children
I wish you could see just how incredibly amazing you are,
Our minds are our own worst enemy as we always want to make things right but we cant
We want to try to think everything is ok BUT it's not
Finding a therapist is key but its having the right one is far more important so dont let past experiences shy you away from wanting to find one that cant help you navigate not only this journey but to help with other past support you have needed but not found
Never think you can do so much more and burden yourself with more pressures because what you are doing is enough
A step at a time, a day at a time, and the most important thing is know your self worth because you are stronger than you think and you are the sunshine that shines through the rainbow
Sending strength and hugs xx
I could not just read your post and not comment
This journey is hard enough to find ourselves on, let alone having to navigate it with children
I wish you could see just how incredibly amazing you are,
Our minds are our own worst enemy as we always want to make things right but we cant
We want to try to think everything is ok BUT it's not
Finding a therapist is key but its having the right one is far more important so dont let past experiences shy you away from wanting to find one that cant help you navigate not only this journey but to help with other past support you have needed but not found
Never think you can do so much more and burden yourself with more pressures because what you are doing is enough
A step at a time, a day at a time, and the most important thing is know your self worth because you are stronger than you think and you are the sunshine that shines through the rainbow
Sending strength and hugs xx
Thanks, Im trying to be kind to myself. My depression and anxiety like to play off of each other and its worse when im tired.
I keep telling myself im getting something right because my daughter is so happy and thriving. This whole situation has thankfully gone over her head.
I just want this process to end because for me due to have a child it hasnt stopped at his conviction. SS want LFF to ask me questions ive answered about 30 times to them now. In that respect answering should be easier. But because ive answered them so many times im convincing myself my answers are wrong, but SS havent sent me on any courses so who knows. Got to love anxiety.
I keep telling myself im getting something right because my daughter is so happy and thriving. This whole situation has thankfully gone over her head.
I just want this process to end because for me due to have a child it hasnt stopped at his conviction. SS want LFF to ask me questions ive answered about 30 times to them now. In that respect answering should be easier. But because ive answered them so many times im convincing myself my answers are wrong, but SS havent sent me on any courses so who knows. Got to love anxiety.
Different circumstances but dealing with the fall out of the break up of the family is the hardest part for me, and having so little control over what happens is very difficult and I feel the stress and anxiety of that a lot too. Hope LFF can help make things feel less threatening as sounds really stressful. Take it a day at a time and try to just be yourself and the great mum you are will shine through.