Hi Tulip, I’m reading your post from the perspective of a grandparent as well, although my situation is different from yours. In my case, the offender is my son. Despite that difference, I really value hearing your perspective because it gives me some insight into how my son’s former mother in law may have viewed everything that happened. It helps remind me that there are often many complicated emotions and viewpoints surrounding situations like this.

My son is now two years post-sentencing and, throughout the entire process, he has maintained contact with his children. The period between his arrest and sentencing lasted around 22 months, and during that time social services required that all contact with the children be supervised. When he was sentenced, he was given a 10 year SHPO which states that he cannot have unsupervised contact with anyone under 18 years of age unless agreed by both social services and the children’s parents.

We have now reached a stage where social services have assessed the situation and agreed that unsupervised contact can take place. At the moment this is limited to one specific day per week. Alongside that, my son still has the children at weekends and school holidays, where my husband and I provide the supervised contact required. It has become part of our family routine, and we do our best to make sure the children feel safe, supported, and loved.

In the beginning, I will admit that I was constantly on edge. I found myself watching closely for any behaviour that might raise concerns. I think that was a natural reaction as a grandparent who wanted to make absolutely sure the children were protected and that the situation was being handled responsibly. Over time, however, as the months have passed and with the ongoing involvement of professionals, I have found myself becoming more reassured and more relaxed about things.

The children absolutely adore their dad and think the world of him. His offender manager has assessed him as low risk, of course he will never be “no risk,” but the assessment has been reassuring. The children’s school are also aware of the situation and despite being asked have not raised any concerns.

What I see now is a father who truly loves his children and who consistently puts their needs first. He shows up for them, he listens to them, and he tries to be the best parent he can be. None of that erases the fact that he did something very wrong, and I will never pretend otherwise. What he did was serious and had consequences that we all continue to live with.

However, I also believe that a person should not necessarily be defined forever by the worst moment of their life. If professionals believe the risk is low, if safeguards are in place, and most important if continuing that relationship is genuinely in the children’s best interests, then I don’t believe that one terrible decision and choice should automatically mean a father is excluded from his children’s lives forever.

Like many families in similar circumstances, we are simply trying to move forward carefully, responsibly, and with the children’s wellbeing at the centre of every decision.